Falling Into Place
by riftintime
Summary: Jack Harkness accepts a job at an IT company in Cardiff, hoping to begin a new life. When he's teamed up with a brilliant but broken Welshman, their lives may change in ways they never could have imagined. Jack/Ianto AU.
1. Chapter 1

"**Falling Into Place" by riftintime**

**Summary:** Jack Harkness accepts a job at an IT company in Cardiff, hoping to begin a new life. When he's teamed up with a brilliant but broken Welshman, their lives may change in ways they never could have imagined. Jack/Ianto AU.

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto. Also Jack/Gwen (sorry – trust me!), past Ianto/Lisa, past Jack/John, Owen/Katie, Tosh/Tommy, Gwen/Rhys.

**Rating:** Mature. Adult themes, some course language.

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters created and owned by the BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** This is an AU story, using the Torchwood characters (plus mentions of a few from Doctor Who), and set in the ordinary, alien-free world.

This is my first attempt at writing fiction, and I'd greatly appreciate any feedback. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Special thanks to my friend and beta Prothrombintime for support, encouragement, help with various technical details, and invaluable feedback.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Jack Harkness sat at his desk and gazed out his office window. It was a dull, dreary day in Cardiff, and the dark clouds that seemed to hang impossibly low in the sky had put him in an uncharacteristically melancholy mood. He leaned back in his chair with a small sigh as he listened to the familiar sounds of the large office area beyond his door. His thoughts began to drift, and he found himself reflecting on how much his life had changed in only a brief period of time.

Four months ago, he had packed up and left London behind for good. One day he'd woken up and realised that he didn't know who he was anymore. His existence had become stagnant and dull. He'd felt trapped and restless. He was in the prime of his life, and yet he'd been struggling to remember the last time he'd felt genuinely excited about anything or anyone. He'd decided he needed a fresh start.

Jack wasn't someone who over-analysed things. He tended to make decisions impulsively and once he had chosen a course of action, he rarely looked back. He didn't like to waste his time thinking about missed opportunities or the road not taken. So, once everything was organised, he'd quickly filled his car with clothing, his laptop, some personal effects and a few items of sentimental value. Everything else had been given away to friends or the local charity shop. He'd wanted to leave behind as much of his former life as possible.

John had gone back into rehab, and Jack hadn't been able to deal with it anymore. John was the worst kind of addict – nothing seemed to be off limits. Jack had lost count of the number of times John had been in and out of hospitals or clinics. And each time, Jack had been there to try to help him pick up the pieces. At his best, John Hart was kind and caring, but at his worst, he was a narcissistic monster.

Jack had realised, admittedly rather late in the game, that John was on an inevitable path to self-destruction. It was simply a question of how long it would take him to get there. And, somewhere along the way, friendship had turned into obligation. Although Jack cared deeply for John, and maybe even loved him in a way, it hadn't been enough. He'd finally accepted that his presence really wasn't helping John at all. So, their on-again off-again relationship, if it could have been called that, of almost five years had drawn to a close.

Surprisingly, it had been easier to walk away than Jack had expected. At the time, he hadn't been sure whether to feel relieved about that or thoroughly ashamed. He still wasn't. He felt guilty, but a part of him was sure it had been the right thing to do. And walking away had never been a problem for Jack. If there was one thing that he was certain he excelled at, it was cutting his losses and moving on.

Jack was thirty-two years old. His mother was American, and his father had been Scottish. Although born in Glasgow, he had spent parts of his childhood in both countries. He'd studied history and literature at university, but then decided that a career in those fields wasn't particularly appealing.

He'd travelled for a while and eventually settled in England, specifically London. He'd worked mainly in information technology since, mostly short contracts so that he didn't become too bored. He'd always had a natural affinity with computers. It came easily to him, almost intuitively, and the money usually wasn't too bad. But he'd become tired of being a drone, and he aspired for something more. So, having decided it was time for a change, he'd started looking for interesting job opportunities away from London.

Then, salvation had fallen into his lap. A colleague and friend, Sarah-Jane Smith, had told him about a middle-management opportunity at the Torchwood Institute in Cardiff. TWI was the UK's preeminent provider of medical informatics solutions.

Jack had taken a day off, driven down to Cardiff, and met with the managing director, Alex Hopkins. The interview had gone well and two days later, Jack had secured himself a new job. The only condition was that he would have to start at the bottom and become familiar with the company's products and systems before he would be offered a management position. Jack had quickly agreed to that. It gave him a foot in the door, and the company seemed to be interesting and well respected. Most importantly, it had provided him with the fresh start he'd been looking for.

Jack had known nothing about Cardiff, or even Wales for that matter. Well, he had known from his first trip that it was over a three hour drive from London to Cardiff, and that you actually had to pay five quid to enter Wales. He'd thought that was rather cheeky. Before leaving, he'd done some cursory research online and discovered that living in Wales required an affinity with red dragons, sheep, beer, leeks, and rugby, but not necessarily in that order. Jack had always considered himself to be an adaptable kind of guy, so he hadn't thought any of that would be a problem. His very American accent might be, but then it usually was. He'd always been stubborn about that.

His research had also revealed a misleadingly named Welsh delicacy that was disturbing made from seaweed. He'd decided he would have to draw the line at that. But Welsh cakes had sounded all right, and he'd been intrigued about the possible uses of love spoons.

So it had seemed like Cardiff was as good a place as any to start anew. For the first time in a long while, he'd felt excited. This was his chance to make something of himself. He'd been coasting from day to day for far too long.

He'd arrived in Cardiff and found a quaint little bed and breakfast to stay at temporarily. He took a few days to explore the city, but found himself drawn back towards the bay area where the company offices were located. Deciding that he liked the idea of being able to walk to work, and with so many amenities close by, he'd quickly found an upper-floor apartment not far from Roald Dahl Plass.

The apartment was expensive, almost more than he could afford, but his new job was going to pay pretty well, and he decided that he deserved some luxury. He'd spent too long holed up in a claustrophobic inner London flat. After securing his new home, he'd gone a little crazy and bought new furniture, new clothes… new everything… a completely new life.

He'd just started to settle in when one morning he'd decided that he was in dire need of a haircut. Jumping online, he'd found what claimed to be the best salon in Cardiff and was lucky enough to get an appointment due to a last minute cancellation. And that was how he'd met Gwen Cooper. She'd talked non-stop while producing what he'd had to admit was the best haircut he'd ever had, and then unabashedly asked him to join her for a drink after work.

Several dates later, she'd ensconced herself into his life, and a month after that, he'd been somewhat surprised to find that she had apparently moved in with him. Not that he'd really minded. Gwen was vivacious, attractive, and fun to be with. The Welshwoman had taken Jack under her wing and helped him to acclimate. They seemed to be a good fit. She'd even talked him into doing some after-hours modeling for the salon she worked at. Jack secretly hoped he'd see himself on a billboard someday soon.

Things seemed to be coming together rather well. He had everything he wanted, a great job and a track up the corporate ladder, a pretty girlfriend, a stunning home, an enviable sports car, and the looks, clothes, style, and charm to complete the package.

There had been some bouts of loneliness since he'd moved, and the occasional worry about whether he'd done the right thing. But he'd expected that. He got on well with the majority of his colleagues, and had made a few friends at work. It was a start.

And if occasionally, an inner voice whispered that there was something fundamental missing in his life, he quickly dismissed the notion as mere whimsy and reminded himself that he was happy and content.

Now, just over three months after starting at TWI, he was settling into his new office, and about to take charge of a major new project. Torchwood was expanding their flagship medical charting system to include tablet-based interfaces, and Jack would be heading up the R&D team. It was an ambitious project, and important for the company so that it didn't lose its market share and competitive edge. Informatics was becoming a vital part of twenty-first century healthcare, and providing accessible and easy-to-use interfaces to those systems was critical.

Jack had a lot to prove, but he was confident that he was ready. This was his chance to do something he could take pride in.

The first thing he had to do was put his team together. He'd need the best people that TWI had to offer for his team. And one particular man was at the top of his list.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was the following day, and a gentle knock at his door caused Jack to look up from the document he had been reading intently. He smiled warmly at the suited figure standing tentatively in the doorway.

"Ianto, hey. Come in and sit down," Jack said in what he hoped was a welcoming tone.

Jack watched the Welshman as he cautiously entered and sat down in the chair opposite Jack's desk. He gazed at Jack almost suspiciously, a slight frown creasing his brow. Jack couldn't help but notice the tension in the way the other man was sitting. It was all too clear that he didn't want to be there.

Jack continued to smile, hoping to put Ianto at ease. "I was just thinking I could really use a coffee. Do you want one too?" he asked.

"Yes, all right," Ianto replied cautiously, his frown still firmly in place.

Jack jumped up and made his way to the door. "Be back in a minute. Don't go anywhere… Oh, how do you like it?"

"Black, no sugar," Ianto answered tersely without turning to meet Jack's gaze.

Jack grinned. "Straight up. A man after my own heart."

He dashed out of his office before Ianto could respond.

Several minutes later, Jack returned with two steaming mugs. Ianto appeared not to have moved an inch. He was still sitting ramrod straight, his hands neatly folded in his lap.

Jack placed a mug on the desk in front of him. "Here you go," he said easily and received a muttered 'thanks' in reply.

Closing the office door behind them, Jack sat down at his desk and took a generous sip from his mug. He closed his eyes for a moment, sighing contently as the strong rich flavour enveloped his senses. He then looked across at Ianto and pointedly directed his gaze towards the untouched mug. Ianto was looking at the mug with disdain and what Jack thought might have been a hint of confusion.

Jack took the opportunity to study the man in front of him. It surprised him to realise he'd never really done that before. He'd been introduced to Ianto and seen him around the office often enough, but the man had seemed aloof and uninterested in even the barest minimum of social pleasantries. Jack knew that Ianto was highly respected by his colleagues and was considered to be the company's best and brightest. He'd never heard anyone say a bad word about the Welshman, but he wasn't sure if Ianto was particularly well liked either. He was the consummate professional, but he seemed to be distant and detached.

Ianto Jones was tall and lean, bordering perhaps on being a little too thin, especially compared to Jack's somewhat more robust build. He was the same height as Jack, about six feet tall, give or take half an inch. But Jack had failed to fully realise until now that Ianto was also devilishly handsome. His immaculately styled, short, dark brown hair framed a startlingly pale face. His skin was smooth and almost flawless. Blue-grey eyes were complimented by prominent cheek bones, soft pink lips, and a button shaped nose. He was wearing a sharply tailored charcoal grey pin-stripe suit with a sapphire blue shirt, accompanied by a tasteful blue and grey diagonally striped tie. A slight hint of an alluring cologne permeated the air. Perfectly trimmed sideburns completed his look.

Every aspect of Ianto's appearance spoke of a fastidious, and quite possibly, obsessive nature. It almost seemed that he was trying too hard, that the slightest imperfection would be considered a transgression of the highest order.

Jack took considerable pride in his own appearance and grooming, but next to Ianto he felt almost shabby by comparison. Jack wasn't modest about his own looks. He knew that most people considered him to be extremely handsome with his chiseled jaw line, captivating smile, deep blue eyes, and thick dark hair. He was striking, and people took notice of him. Ianto was no less striking, but his appeal was more subtle, requiring a closer look to truly appreciate his attractiveness.

Jack felt a sudden desire to ruffle up this prim, suited man, to see him just a little bit disheveled and off-balance. He was fairly sure any such attempt would earn him a broken nose at the very least. Ianto was clearly not a man to be trifled with. There was a sense of steeliness about him, almost bordering on ruthlessness. Jack decided that this was not a man you wanted as your enemy.

Looking even closer, he noticed the small freckle sitting off-centre on the bridge of Ianto's nose. He couldn't help but think how adorable it looked. But beyond that, he could see some cracks in the impassive mask. The dark smudges under the piercing eyes suggested a lack of sleep, possibly insomnia, and faint lines at the outer edges of those eyes should not have been visible in someone as young as the Welshman. Ianto could not have been more than twenty-eight years old, and while his features had an almost boyish quality to them, he seemed world weary and jaded.

But Jack was most taken aback by the eyes that stared back at him. Ianto's eyes betrayed a deep and pervasive sadness, a dark torment that Ianto was keeping hidden from the world.

There was no doubt that he was looking at a brilliant and clever man, an astute and observant man who knew everything that was going on around him, but there was something wrong with him. Ianto Jones was broken.

Ianto eventually reached for the coffee and took a small, cautious sip. After a long, tense moment he finally spoke. "Not bad," he allowed.

"I'm not just a pretty face you know," Jack said with a playful wink.

Ianto raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow and the slightest hint of amusement ghosted over his lips. Jack felt his breath hitch in response.

"Apparently not," Ianto returned coolly.

"You don't like me very much, do you?" Jack asked as he squared his shoulders and met the other man's emotionless gaze.

If Ianto had an issue with him, he needed to deal with it now. Given that the younger man had hardly spoken to him since the day Jack had arrived, he didn't understand what the man could have against him. Perhaps Ianto felt threatened by the newcomer, but Ianto didn't look like a man who would feel threatened by anyone. Perhaps he was simply repulsed by what he perceived as a flirtatious and obnoxious American. Or perhaps he thought that Jack simply wasn't worthy of his attention.

"I don't know you, Jack," Ianto replied matter-of-factly.

"No, you don't. Well, not yet anyway." Jack attempted to add a flirtatious tone to the words, but Ianto seemed to be completely immune to his charms.

They stared at each other for a long moment, and Jack eventually relented. "So, down to business. Everyone knows about the new project. It's going to be a major step forward for the company. And Alex has put me in charge of it."

Jack paused and waited for a reaction from the other man, but Ianto merely gave a slight nod of his head and continued to look at Jack impassively.

"I need to put together a team to work on it with me," Jack paused as he considered Ianto and started to wonder if this could be a severe mistake. Perhaps even a fatal one. He had no doubt that Ianto could make things very difficult for him if he wanted to.

"Everyone says you're the best," Jack continued evenly. "I want you on my team."

Ianto's eyes widened slightly. "Alex agreed to this?" he asked.

"Actually, he recommended you. Very highly. He said I'm going to need you onboard."

"So, I'll be working for you?" Ianto queried, ignoring the compliment.

"Yes." Jack nodded.

"Should I call you 'Sir' then?" Ianto asked archly.

Jack felt his breath catch again as his attention was drawn to Ianto's rich voice and captivating accent. Since arriving in Wales, Jack had quickly realised that he was rather enamoured with Welsh vowels.

Pulling himself out of his reverie, Jack chuckled at the snarky question. Ianto Jones was a piece of work, but apparently he wasn't quite as lifeless as he first appeared.

"Kinky, but no," he replied with a smile. "Jack is fine."

"You'll be the technical lead on the team," he continued. "I'll be relying on you heavily. Think of it more that we'll be working together. A partnership of sorts. You'll be my right hand man."

Ianto didn't respond to that. He just continued to look at Jack while giving nothing away. Jack felt like he wanted to squirm like an errant school boy under the intense scrutiny.

He tried again. "All I ask is that you give me a chance. If you decide you really can't work with me, we can talk to Alex, and you can move onto something else."

Ianto seemed to consider this. "Okay," he said finally.

"So we have a deal?" Jack pressed.

Ianto nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yes," he confirmed.

Jack almost sighed with relief as he felt the tension throughout his body begin to dissipate. "Great. I know you've got some work to wrap up first, but I'd like to finalise the rest of the team soon. I have some ideas, but I'd like your input. Can we meet tomorrow?"

"That's fine." Ianto stood and started moving towards the door. "Is that all, Jack?"

"Yeah, thanks. Oh, and Ianto?"

Ianto paused and turned back to face him. "What would you have done if I'd said yes?" Jack asked.

Ianto tilted his head slightly and looked confused. "When you asked if you should call me 'Sir'," Jack clarified with a sly grin.

Jack saw what he hoped was amusement tug at the corners of Ianto's mouth. "I'd have told you to bugger off."

Jack laughed as he watched the enigmatic Welshman retreat from his office. Suddenly this project was looking a whole lot more interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So, you're going to be working with Jack?" Tosh asked as she studied her friend curiously.

They were both sitting in one of the test labs off the main office floor. Ianto stared intently at the screen in front of him as they worked through the results of the optimisations that Tosh had been working on.

"Yep," Ianto confirmed, not looking away from the screen.

Toshiko had seen Ianto in Jack's office the previous day. Everyone knew about the tablet project and that Jack had been promoted to project manager. Jack had told her about it the day he'd met with Alex. She smiled to herself as she remembered how excited Jack had been. This was what he'd been waiting for, and she was happy for him.

The news had travelled swiftly around the office as it always did, and the reactions she'd heard had been mixed to say the least. But it was no surprise to anyone that Ianto would be the first one picked for the team.

"How do you feel about that?" she pressed, exasperated by Ianto's typical one word response.

"It's fine, Tosh," Ianto replied neutrally.

"Really?"

Ianto finally turned to look at her. "We're both professionals. I'm sure we can work together without wanting to kill each other."

Tosh didn't believe a word of that. Ianto could be unapproachable and difficult, and Jack was lovely, but he was also ostentatious and unrepentant. Putting the two of them together seemed like a seriously bad idea.

Ianto wasn't the same man he had once been, and he seemed to be highly distrustful of anyone new. And Jack Harkness was hardly just anyone. As far as she could tell, Ianto had been standoffish with Jack from the outset. She wasn't sure if they'd even spoken to each other in passing since the day Jack had arrived and been introduced around the office. She also wondered if the fact that she liked Jack and was friendly towards him had aggravated the situation. Ianto wasn't petty like that, but perhaps at a subconscious level, he resented her easy acceptance of Jack.

The problem was that they were both her friends, and she didn't want to be caught in the crossfire or have to choose a side. She decided that she needed to take a more proactive approach.

"I know he seems a bit, well…" she started and then paused as she desperately tried to find an adjective to describe Jack. "Flamboyant," she finally settled with. "But once you get to know him a little, he's a nice guy. He's smart too."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like someone has a crush."

Tosh laughed. "I suppose I did at first. He's kind of overwhelming when you first meet him. But once you get past all of that…" She trailed off, lost in thought. "Actually, he reminds me a bit of you."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed, looking horrified.

"There's more to him than meets the eye," she explained. "He cares about people. He has hidden depths. That's like you."

Ianto scowled at her.

"That was a compliment, Ianto," Tosh added as she rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I think you'll get to like him," she continued determinedly.

"He is rather dashing," Ianto allowed as his expression cleared. "I'll give him that."

Tosh laughed. "He obviously takes care of himself. He's like a walking advertisement for metrosexualism," she said. "That's like you too," she added as she valiantly attempted to keep a straight face.

"I'm not a metrosexual!" Ianto hissed, looking outraged.

"Um… have you looked in the mirror lately?" Tosh asked, disbelief clouding her expression.

Ianto huffed. "All right, maybe I am just a bit. I like to look my best, what's wrong with that?" he demanded.

"Nothing," Tosh assured him. "It's good. Actually, I wish Tommy was more like you and Jack. He's old fashioned and he can be a bit… well, scruffy at times. Not that it matters to me. But if I suggest he try any hair or skincare products, he thinks I'm emasculating him." She sighed. "Sometimes I think he was born in the wrong century."

"Tommy's a good bloke. You're lucky to have each other," Ianto said and Tosh couldn't help but hear the sadness in his voice, although she knew he'd have done his best to hide it. She reached across and gently squeezed his hand.

"Yeah, I know," she said softly as she let go of his hand.

"So what are you saying, Tosh?" Ianto asked her. "You think I'm not going to give Jack a fair chance?"

Tosh shook her head. "I think people misjudge him. Well some people. I was talking to Suzie the other day, and she called him a superficial poster boy. She seems to think he gets whatever he wants because he's charming and good-looking and he flirts with everyone. She doesn't think he deserves to be in charge of the project… she doesn't seem to like him at all."

Tosh continued, "Anyway I told her to shut up and keep her uninformed opinions to herself, and I stormed off. She can be such a bitch sometimes."

"Toshiko Sato. Defender of the downtrodden metrosexual," Ianto quipped and chuckled slightly.

"Absolutely," Tosh said indignantly. "No one talks about my friends that way."

Ianto just stared at her, and then she burst out laughing.

"I visited Jack's apartment a while back," she began, changing the subject. "I stopped by to borrow his set of Star Wars DVD's."

"Er, don't you…" Ianto began, looking confused.

"Yes, I know, I've got my own set..." she said as Ianto looked incredulously at her. Then she added resignedly, "All right, yes… several sets."

She fixed Ianto with an impervious glare, daring him to say anything. He wisely remained silent. "I told him I'd worn mine out." Tosh blushed and ducked her head.

"You're a terrible liar." Ianto gave her a smug grin.

"I know," Tosh groaned, waving her hands dramatically. "I can never come up with a good cover story. You'd think after all this time I'd have picked up some tips from you."

If Ianto was offended by that, he chose to ignore it. "So, Jack believed your excuse?" he asked.

"Probably not. But I still received the grand tour of his apartment, had a nice glass of wine, and left with an armful of DVD's," she grinned. "And his girlfriend gave me some beauty tips."

Her eyes went wide. "The apartment is spectacular. It must cost a fortune to rent. It's only a few minutes walk from here."

"Very nice," Ianto replied vaguely.

"Ianto, just try to give him a chance, okay?" she said, hoping her plea was reaching her stubborn colleague. "Alex obviously has confidence in Jack, or he wouldn't have put him in charge of the project."

Ianto nodded slowly. Tosh knew that Ianto respected Alex, so she hoped that if nothing else, this entreaty would be enough to persuade him.

"Okay," Ianto promised, reaching over and lightly patting her arm.

Later that day, Ianto was sitting in Jack's office reading the project brief that Jack had put together. He intermittently nibbled at a donut on the plate by his side, while Jack was enjoying his third donut with his usual exuberance. He'd gone out earlier and bought them in the hope that some food and coffee might help to make this second meeting with Ianto go more smoothly.

"What do you think?" Jack asked around a mouthful of food as he reached for his coffee mug.

Ianto finished reading and looked up at Jack thoughtfully. "Looks good."

"But…?" Jack hedged.

Ianto shook his head. "Nothing. From what I can see, you've got everything covered. Some of the technical details need to be worked out, but we'll do that in the functional spec."

"Okay," Jack agreed easily. "Now, about the rest of the team... Alex is allowing the project to have five people for the first stage."

"So, you need to select four more?" Ianto asked.

"Three. The five includes me," Jack stated, looking apologetic.

"Oh."

"Yeah," Jack said and sighed. "It's going to be tight isn't it? Especially if we want to meet the target date for the demonstration."

"Yep, we're spread a bit thin here at the moment," Ianto acknowledged. "So who do you have in mind?"

"I wanted to get your opinion on that." Jack began to reach for another donut, but at Ianto's disapproving glare, he quickly grabbed his pen instead and started twirling it idly between his fingers.

"Well first is Tosh," Ianto began. "As you know, she's brilliant. She'll be a huge asset for the user interface design. But she's also in demand, and she'll likely be called on to help with other projects. So you probably won't be able to have her on the project a hundred percent of the time."

Jack nodded and indicated for Ianto to continue.

"Next, I'd recommend Adam. He knows the database and back-end inside out. He'll be a good person to work on the middleware services."

"To finish off the team, you'll need someone who's a good all-rounder. I'd suggest Andy. He's solid and a hard worker," Ianto concluded. "Me and Tosh can help to bring him up to speed on anything when necessary."

"Actually, I wanted to run something past you on that," Jack said. "I'd like you to lead some informal training sessions after-hours for the team, including me, to get us all up to speed on the tech. Does that sound okay?"

"I suppose so. But after hours?" Ianto asked with confusion.

Jack nodded and started to explain. "I insisted to Alex that I be given an allocation of overtime for the team, along with a budget for anything we might need. I just thought that this way it will be quieter, and no chance of interruptions. We'll get some food in and keep it casual. And I'll make sure that everyone gets overtime for the extra hours."

"Fair enough," Ianto responded.

Jack was surprised to see Ianto give him a small but seemingly genuine smile.

"I agree with your selections too," Jack continued. "I wanted Tosh, and I had Adam in mind, but I wasn't sure about the final person. I don't know much about Andy but he sounds like a good choice."

"He is," Ianto affirmed.

"So, do you think this is workable?" Jack asked, failing to keep the concern out of his voice. He once again thought about how much trust he was putting in Ianto.

"I think so," Ianto said carefully. "Well, it has to be. And there are advantages in having a smaller team. But it's a challenging project, and we have a lot to learn and not much time to do it."

Ianto paused, and there was determination in his eyes. "We'll do our best, Jack."

Jack smiled. "Thanks, Ianto. I don't doubt that."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Thanks," Jack said as he collected his change and gave the barista a wide smile.

He picked up the tray of coffee and food, and made his way out of the busy café. Veering to the right, he walked towards one of the tables on the perimeter of the outside area. It was mid-afternoon, and the Plass looked vibrant under the clear, still sky.

He sat down and passed one of the cups of coffee to Tosh. Grabbing one of the chocolate muffins from the plate for himself, he pushed the remaining muffin across the table along with a fork and napkin. "I couldn't resist," he said with an impish grin.

Tosh reached for her purse but Jack held up his hand. "Oh, no you don't. My treat."

"Thanks, Jack." She smiled at him warmly.

Toshiko had liked Jack from the moment she'd met him on the first day he'd started work at Torchwood. They'd quickly become friends. Jack was a shameless flirt, but he was harmless and very funny. If Tosh was honest with herself, she enjoyed it. She considered herself to be a pretty good judge of character, and she'd seen that beneath Jack's larger than life persona, there was a genuine and compassionate man.

Her eyes shifted to the small brown bag that Jack had also placed on the table. "I got one for Ianto too," Jack explained. He shrugged and added, "He doesn't eat enough."

Tosh shook her head with a look of exasperation. "Tell me about it. He's always skipping lunch. I bring food in for him sometimes, but I almost have to force feed him."

"I bet he rolls his eyes at you when you give him that," she added with a bemused grin.

Jack leaned closer. "Can I let you in on a secret?" he asked in a conspiratorial tone.

Tosh nodded eagerly as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I've made up a little game. It's a point based system." Jack started counting off on his fingers. "One point for when he does that adorable suspicious frown. Two points for when he narrows his eyes and glares. Three points for an eye roll. Four points for the raised eyebrow of death. And ten points for a flirtatious wink. The last one's a work in progress. I keep score for the whole week." Jack grinned at her as he started attacking his muffin.

"I got fifty-two points last week," he added proudly. "I'm aiming for sixty this week."

Tosh giggled. "You're terrible, Jack. If he finds out, he's going to kill you. And he'll do it very slowly."

Jack grinned unrepentantly. "Well what's the point of life if not for a little risk taking now and then?"

"You seem to enjoy working with him," Tosh observed as she studied her friend.

"Well, its early days, but yeah, I do," Jack said sincerely. "He really is brilliant. I think he's still trying to work out what to make of me, but I'm slowly wearing him down. He can only resist my not inconsiderable charms for so long."

Tosh smiled at Jack's complete lack of humility. She was relieved that her two colleagues seemed to be getting along. She hadn't been expecting miracles, but as long as they could work together professionally, that was as much as she'd been willing to hope for. But to her complete surprise, she had noticed slight hints of an unlikely but tentative friendship of sorts forming between the two men. Jack was friendly and outgoing, so it didn't surprise her that he would attempt to befriend Ianto and win him over, but the Welshman's taciturn acceptance of Jack's efforts was more unexpected.

Her expression turned serious. "He can be very reserved. He takes time to warm to people. Under that stoic exterior, I think he's actually quite insecure. You'd never know it to look at him though."

She gave Jack a reassuring smile. "So don't take it personally if he seems abrasive sometimes. But beneath all that, he's a good man, and he has a big heart."

Jack nodded. "How long have you known him?" he asked curiously.

"We started working at Torchwood on the same day actually. Almost five years ago now. That's when we met."

Jack nodded again as he sipped his coffee. "I've been wanting to ask you..." he began. "Did something happen to him? He seems… I don't know… he's in pain. It's in his eyes. Do you know what that's about?"

"Um, sort of. But I'm not sure if I should say anything." Tosh paused, looking conflicted. "He'd be furious if he knew I was talking about him."

"Please, Tosh," Jack beseeched. "It's not a secret is it? I'm only asking out of concern for him."

"Well, no, I suppose it's not," she replied cautiously.

She trusted Jack. There was something about him that engendered a sense of safety and honesty, and she didn't think Jack would talk about anything she told him to anyone else. "All right. But I don't know the full story… at least I don't think I do."

"I don't want you to betray his confidence," Jack assured her. "Just tell me what you can."

Tosh nodded and sipped at her coffee before speaking again.

"He had a girlfriend. Lisa her name was. Lisa Hallett. Ianto adored her. He worshipped her. If she was in the room, it was as if no one else existed. He wanted to marry her, start a family, everything. They'd even bought a house together."

Tosh paused and frowned with a look of confusion. "And then something happened and she left him. I don't know why. It seemed to happen very suddenly."

Jack nodded and indicated for her to continue.

She took a deep breath. "He was completely devastated, Jack. He didn't come to work for over three weeks. I went to check on him at home the day after it happened. I just thought he was ill. You know, a stomach bug or something… and I found him in a really bad way. I was worried he was going to do something. Hurt himself, I mean. I didn't know what to do. So I called Owen."

"Owen?" Jack asked.

"Owen Harper. He's a doctor who does consultation work for the company," Tosh explained. "He and Ianto are friends."

"Anyway, Owen took charge of things. I'm not sure what he did, I think he must have taken Ianto away somewhere to get help. Owen just told me not to worry and that Ianto was being cared for. The next time I saw Ianto was when he came back to work, but he never told me anything more or where he'd been."

Tosh paused and sighed. "That's really all I know. I've always thought there must be more to it. I don't know if anyone knows the full story, except for Ianto and Lisa of course."

"Maybe Owen does though," she added.

"He must have thought he couldn't live without her," Jack contemplated with a pained expression on his face.

Tosh nodded sadly. "It sounds horrible to say, but I think that Ianto loves too much. His heart is too big and he doesn't hold anything back. He lost himself. He was so in love with Lisa that when she left, it almost destroyed him. He's never been the same since." Tosh sighed again. "He hides it well, but sometimes I can see how unhappy he is. It breaks my heart."

"Tosh, how long ago was this?" Jack asked quietly.

"Um, it's been about a year and a half now." Tosh looked lost in thought as she continued to sip at her coffee.

After a long moment, she spoke again, hesitantly. "I don't think he had a good childhood either. I don't know anything specific, just a few things he's let slip that suggested it wasn't happy. I've wondered if the only happiness he's ever had was with Lisa."

They sat in silence for several minutes, and Jack tried to process what Tosh had told him.

Tosh looked at Jack thoughtfully. "Jack, I'm sure that Ianto likes you. Or at least he will once he gets to know you better. And he doesn't have many friends. So maybe you could…" she trailed off uncertainly.

"Keep an eye on him?" Jack suggested carefully.

Tosh smiled gratefully and nodded. "I try to do what I can, try to be his friend, but I have a feeling that given time, he might respond more to you than he does with me. Just try to give him a chance."

"I will, Tosh," Jack promised, giving her a small but reassuring smile. "Thanks for talking to me."

He decided that a change of subject was desperately needed. "So, how are things going with you and Tommy?" he asked.

Tosh's face lit up. "Good! We're not rushing anything, but I like him a lot. He's a true gentleman, an old soul. He makes me feel special."

"That's great, Tosh. It really is," Jack smiled at her warmly. "You deserve it."

Jack knew that Tosh hadn't had the best of luck with love, so he hoped it would be different for her this time. She deserved someone who adored her. Jack had met Tommy Brockless several times and the young Englishman was obviously smitten with the very lovely and kind-hearted Toshiko.

They finished off and started walking back to work. Jack extended his arm to Tosh and gave a little bow. "May I have the pleasure of escorting you back to your place of employment Miss Sato?"

Tosh laughed and looped her arm through Jack's. "Why yes, kind sir, indeed you may."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Three weeks had passed, and Jack's respect for his younger colleague continued to increase with each passing day. Ianto had proven to be every bit as brilliant as he was reputed to be, and Jack admired his integrity and honesty.

There was no ego about Ianto. If he couldn't answer any of Jack's questions, or didn't have a relevant piece of technical knowledge at hand, he would readily admit it. But the next time they met, Ianto would always have what Jack had asked for.

They'd been working together closely on writing and finalising the specifications for the first stage of the project. Ianto was meticulous, and his attention to detail was remarkable. But Jack also had an agile and clever mind, and for the most part, he was able to keep up with the fastidious Welshman. On several occasions, he'd even seen a hint of warmth in Ianto's features as Jack had pointed out things that Ianto had overlooked or not considered, or when he'd acted as a sounding board for Ianto's ideas.

Ianto could be infuriatingly stubborn, and once he was fixated on an idea, he wasn't easily dissuaded. Jack had soon learned that he had to pick his battles. They'd had their fair share of disagreements, but they were usually able to work through them and arrive at a mutually agreed solution. They hadn't come to blows yet which Jack took as a good sign.

Ianto was still often prickly and acerbic, and he could be overly defensive at times, but Jack was self-assured enough to handle that. In a strange way, it was almost part of the Welshman's unique charm. As much as Jack found himself wanting them to be friends and not merely colleagues, he was thankful that he seemed to at least be on the path to earning Ianto's professional respect.

During the time that Ianto wasn't working with Jack, he was furiously studying and getting up to speed on all aspects of the latest tablet technology. Jack admired his dedication and work ethic, but he was concerned that Ianto was burying himself too much in his job.

Tosh had started on the project the week before, and Adam and Andy were now members of the team as well. They'd done a couple of the after-hours training sessions, with Jack providing pizzas and drinks. Jack knew that Ianto wasn't comfortable being the centre of attention even within their small group, but the Welshman was always well prepared, calm and articulate, if somewhat formal and detached despite the casual setting. But Jack enjoyed sitting back and watching his colleague demonstrate his acumen in his quiet, understated way.

Jack was by no means feeling complacent, he couldn't afford to be, but he was proud of his little team and the progress they'd made so far.

* * *

The office space was dark and eerily quiet. One small area at the far end was bathed in light, and the only sound was the irregular rhythm of skilful fingers taping on a keyboard. Jack silently made his way across the large area and stood just outside the pool of light. He watched the other man stare intently at his screen as he typed with nimble precision.

"You shouldn't be here," Jack said quietly as he slowly moved forward and stood beside the desk.

Ianto looked up briefly. "Neither should you."

"You've done enough for today," Jack continued with a note of disapproval in his voice. "Come on, we're going to get some dinner."

"Jack, I need to get this finished," Ianto protested, taking a moment to glare up at the other man.

"It can wait until tomorrow. You've got two minutes to finish up, and I'm not taking no for an answer." Jack crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Ianto defiantly.

"But you said you wanted these…" Ianto started to protest.

Jack cut him off. "And I do, but they'll still be here tomorrow."

Ianto stopped typing and frowned, but didn't respond.

"Okay, how about this…" Jack tried, with a resigned sigh. "If I ask you for them in the morning, you can call me an over-demanding bastard and tell me to bugger off… I'll even look contrite and scurry meekly back into my office." Jack paused and added with a wink, "You can't tell me you wouldn't love that."

"I might," Ianto allowed as the corners of his mouth twitched slightly.

Jack laughed affectionately. "You know you would."

Ianto looked at Jack again and sighed. "Fine," he huffed.

Jack waited patiently while Ianto closed down his workstation and grabbed his coat, phone and wallet.

"Let's go, Mister Jones." Jack placed his hand at the base of Ianto's back and marched him forward and out of the office.

Fifteen minutes later they were seated in a quiet corner of a nearby pub, waiting for their food to arrive. Ianto was staring glumly into the pint of beer nursed between his hands.

"Ianto, stop sulking."

"I'm not," Ianto retorted in a petulant tone.

"So, tell me something about yourself," Jack tried.

"Like what?" Ianto asked defensively.

"Okay, let's start with something simple," Jack suggested. "What's your favourite colour?"

Ianto scowled. "We're not on a bloody date, Jack."

"We could be," Jack said with a suggestive smirk. "We can pretend if you want, I don't mind. If you ask nicely, I'll even let you hold my hand."

"No, we couldn't. And I'd never hold your hand," Ianto snapped.

"So, just tell me something. Humour me."

Ianto sighed. "It's blue. Dark blue. Yours?"

"Red." Jack gave him a broad grin. "I bet you'd look good in red. Although you looked hot in that purple shirt yesterday. You probably look delicious in just about any colour." Jack paused for effect and tilted his head as he studied Ianto. "Except for pink maybe. I don't think you could pull off pink."

Ianto glared darkly. "I most definitely can," he retorted, his eyes narrowing.

"Hmm, I'll have to reserve judgment on that," Jack said, a hint of disbelief in his voice. His grin quickly turned into a salacious leer.

Ianto frowned. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Jack asked innocently.

Ianto didn't respond. He took a generous mouthful of beer. "You really need to find yourself a hobby you know."

"I have hobbies," Jack responded defensively.

Ianto looked at him incredulously. "Jack, flirting with everything that moves and mentally undressing your colleagues do not count as hobbies."

Jack pouted. "So what are your hobbies then?"

"I play the piano," Ianto replied.

"Really?" Jack said, looking intrigued. "I've always thought you must have talented fingers. Will you play for me sometime?"

"No."

"Spoilsport," Jack grumbled, reverting to a pout. He took a mouthful of his own drink and then asked, "So, how old are you? I'm guessing thirty-one."

Ianto narrowed his eyes at Jack again. "I'm twenty-eight," he huffed. "Twenty-nine in August."

Jack grinned. He couldn't resist the temptation of winding Ianto up a bit. "Just a baby then. We're almost the same age. So, where were you born?"

"Casnewydd."

Jack looked at him blankly. "Newport," Ianto clarified, the hint of a smirk playing across his lips. "I moved to Cardiff when I turned eighteen."

"Any family?"

"A sister. She lives in North England. Her husband is from there. They've got two children, a boy and a girl."

Jack nodded. Tosh had mentioned that both of Ianto's parents were deceased. "Do you talk to her much?"

"Not really. We've never had much in common. You?"

"I was born in Scotland, near Glasgow," Jack began. "My dad was Scottish. He passed away a few years ago. Mom is American. She lives back in the States now near her sister. Her health isn't the best, and after dad died, she wanted to go back home. My aunt is divorced, so they spend a lot of their time together."

"You didn't want to go back too?" Ianto asked.

Jack shrugged. "Not really. I had my own life in London by then, and mom has always encouraged me to be independent. I offered to go back with her, but she wouldn't hear of it."

Ianto nodded and then looked at Jack curiously. "But your accent…?"

"Is very American," Jack finished for him with a slight grimace. "We travelled back and forth a bit, but I grew up mainly in the States. I wanted to fit in, so I worked on my accent. After a while it just kind of stuck."

"After I'd finished high school, we ended up back here," Jack continued. "I went to university here too. Apart from some travelling, I've pretty much lived in the UK ever since."

"Was it difficult?" Ianto asked before taking a sip of his beer, and looking at Jack studiously. "Growing up with two different cultures?"

"I guess at times, yeah," Jack replied. "But it's all I knew, so that was normal for me. Mom and dad were great about it though. It never felt like I had to choose. I like to think I got the best of both worlds."

Ianto nodded. "Any siblings?"

"A brother. He lives in Australia. We don't really get on."

Ianto seemed to sense that he didn't want to talk about that further. "So, where's your girlfriend tonight?"

"Gwen? Oh, she's up in London, a fashion show or whatever. She's always off doing something." Jack shrugged. "I lose track."

"Tosh said she's nice."

"Yeah, she's great," Jack replied. "But I'm not sure it's going anywhere."

"But you live together don't you? It must be serious then?" Ianto asked, looking confused.

"Not really. It wasn't planned or anything. I met her shortly after I moved here, and it just kind of happened. Next thing I knew, she'd moved in. But I think the reality of being with me is a lot different from what she had in mind. She's fun to be with, but sometimes I think she just likes the idea of having a good-looking guy at her side."

"And you don't like having an attractive woman on your arm?" Ianto asked archly.

"Of course I do, but I don't just want to be someone's arm candy. Anyway," Jack continued with a shrug. "It's kind of nice to have someone to hang out with and talk to. Although, Gwen does most of the talking. And she's not around that much, but still…"

Their food arrived, and Jack immediately started shovelling it into his mouth. Ianto stared at him in astonishment. Eventually Jack stopped to come up for air. He peered at Ianto's plate of fish and chips. "Um, Ianto, I think something climbed out of a nearby swamp and ended up on your plate."

Ianto looked up at Jack sharply and rolled his eyes. "That's mushy peas. Exactly how long did you say you've lived in the UK?"

"Obviously not long enough," Jack answered with an easy laugh. He reached over, grabbed three chips from Ianto's plate, and dipped them into the peas. Then he promptly stuffed them into his mouth.

"Hmm… not bad," he admitted. "I'll order some next time."

Ianto raised his eyebrow at that and Jack grinned back with glee. "Hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to take food from someone else's plate?" Ianto demanded.

"Nope. Anyway, it's just one of my many endearing qualities."

"No, it isn't. It's rude," Ianto admonished. "You're impossible," he added with a sigh.

"That's me. An impossible thing. Hardly the worst I've been called."

Ianto smirked. "Undoubtedly."

They continued to eat in silence for several minutes.

"So, what about you?" Jack asked casually. "Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Significant other?"

Jack caught himself a little too late and cringed inwardly at his mistake. But he was curious about how Ianto would respond, and it was a normal enough question. Ianto couldn't know that Tosh had told him anything.

"No. There's no one," Ianto said dispassionately.

Jack caught the flicker of pain that crossed Ianto's features. "Ah, the carefree life of the bachelor," he said wistfully. "I miss that sometimes."

Ianto stopped eating and scrutinised the other man. "Why are you here, Jack?"

"What do you mean?" Jack asked in confusion.

"I mean, why are you here now, having dinner with me," Ianto said.

"Because you work too hard. I figured you needed a break. Anyway, isn't that what friends do… go to the pub and stuff?"

"We're friends?" Ianto asked, looking genuinely surprised.

"Of course we are," Jack replied. "Why? Is that a problem?"

"No, it's just… I suppose I don't understand why you'd bother with someone like me."

"I like you," Jack said matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh." Ianto looked at Jack in confusion and then moved his gaze down to the table.

"You seem surprised."

Ianto shrugged but didn't look up. "It's just that I don't make friends easily."

Jack nodded. "It's not always easy. But I'd like us to be friends." He tried to sound indifferent as he continued, "I'm still new here, and I don't know many people yet. Besides, a guy can never have too many friends."

"Oh," Ianto said again, pausing and looking back up at Jack as he seemed to consider it. "Yeah, okay," he said eventually, but his voice held a trace of uncertainty.

"Great." Jack beamed at him.

They finished their meals and left the pub. Ianto started walking back towards the office where his car was parked. Jack followed, falling easily into step beside him.

"Ianto…" Jack started. Ianto stopped walking and turned to look at him.

"I just wanted to say…" Jack continued awkwardly. "Well, I wanted to say thanks. I know we got off to a bit of shaky start, and you had doubts about me. But you gave me a chance, and I… well I just wanted to say, I appreciate it." Jack held his gaze and gave Ianto a small smile. "I think we make a good team."

Ianto looked hard at Jack, apparently searching for some sign of insincerity or ulterior motive. Jack suddenly felt anxious as he waited for Ianto to respond.

Ianto's eyes appeared to soften almost imperceptibly, and then he offered a brief hint of a smile in return. "Yeah, I think we do too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Several days later, Ianto was walking past Jack's office when he saw the older man waving frantically at him, gesturing for him to come inside. With a sigh, Ianto stepped into the doorway. He immediately noticed the attractive brunette leaning against the corner of the desk.

"Jack?" Ianto asked warily.

"Ianto, come in. This is Gwen," Jack said brightly and gestured for him to enter. "My girlfriend," he added as an afterthought. "Gwen Cooper, meet Ianto Jones."

"Hi, Ianto," Gwen said, giving him a big smile and reaching out to shake Ianto's hand.

"Hello," Ianto returned as he shook Gwen's hand.

"Jack's told me about you. But he never said how gorgeous you are," Gwen said as she stared at Ianto appreciatively. "You'd better be careful Jack, I might decide to trade you in," she added with a giggle.

"Why am I suddenly thinking it wasn't such a good idea to let you two met?" Jack moaned.

"I probably wouldn't stand a chance anyway. I'm sure Ianto's got girls lined up around the block," Gwen said with a chuckle as she looked at Ianto curiously.

"Gwen's a hairdresser," Jack stated. "She works over at Mervyn's."

Ianto looked at him blankly. "It's one of the most exclusive salons in Cardiff," Jack added by way of explanation.

Gwen nodded. "You should come over sometime, Ianto. If you ever want a haircut or colour, just give me a call. Jack can give you the number."

"Er, okay… um, thanks," Ianto mumbled.

Jack had to bite his lip as he tried desperately not to burst into laughter from the look on Ianto's face.

"Well, I'd better get going and let you boys go back to work," Gwen continued, oblivious to the stern look Ianto was giving Jack and that Jack was still struggling to control himself. "I only stopped by because muddles here left his mobile at home." She laughed, giving Jack a playful whack on the arm.

Jack made a dramatic show of rubbing his wounded arm. "I'm always forgetting the damn thing," he grumbled.

Gwen smiled indulgently at him. "See you later, sweetheart. Remember, I'm working late tonight." Gwen leaned in and gave Jack a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Okay. Bye, Gwen," Jack returned with a smile.

Gwen turned to Ianto and beamed at him. "It was really nice to meet you, Ianto."

"You too, Gwen," Ianto replied.

Gwen gave them one last smile, and then walked briskly out the door.

Jack looked up at Ianto and held up his hands. "Now, before you start on me, I didn't say anything bad about you to Gwen. I just told her I'd started working with a brilliant Welshman," he said quickly. "Okay, and I might have said that you look good in a suit," he added with a salacious grin.

Ianto glared at him, but there was no real malice in his expression. "Careful, Jack. That's harassment."

Jack laughed. "Ianto, it's only harassment if you don't enjoy it."

* * *

Jack sighed as he disconnected the call and dropped his phone down on his desk. Gwen had called to say that she'd be staying over at a friend's place for a 'girl's night'.

He idly wondered if Gwen was seeing someone else. The thought of Gwen with another man should have enraged him, but he wasn't particularly surprised to find that it didn't. They'd never talked about being exclusive. They were living together, but it often felt more like they were roommates rather than a genuine couple, even if they did share the same bed.

He wasn't sure if exclusivity was implied. And if Gwen was seeing someone else, did that constitute cheating when they'd never discussed it? Monogamy had never been something he'd had to worry much about in the past. His relationships didn't usually last long enough to get to that point.

And it wasn't like he and Gwen were serious. Gwen was wrapped up in her own life most of the time, and that was fine with Jack. But he often found himself at a loose end. He seemed to have all the disadvantages of a relationship, but few of the advantages. Gwen was fun to be with, and he cared about her, but he didn't love her. Well maybe he did a little, but he certainly wasn't _in love_ with her. He couldn't see a future with her; not long-term anyway. He'd never really seen a future with anyone, come to think of it.

Despite Jack's warm and affectionate nature, he didn't do love. It didn't seem to be something that he was capable of. The notion of finding that one special person, the person that you'd want to spend the rest of your life with… a person that you'd give up everything to be with… it all seemed fanciful and idealistic to him. People talked about finding their soul mate, and he wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. He felt that soppy romantic comedy's and melodramatic romance novels had a lot to answer for.

In the past, he would have gone out and found a random warm body to spend some time with. He'd never had a problem in that department. Sometimes it would just be a one-off encounter, or sometimes it might last a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. Then he'd move on. John had been the exception, but even then, they'd spent lengthy periods of time apart. Not that they'd ever really been together. And Jack had been under no illusions as to what John would be up to when Jack wasn't with him. But that was his old life, and it had lost its appeal. He didn't want to do that anymore.

Maybe Ianto was right and he did need to find himself a hobby. He suspected that there was probably very little that Ianto wasn't right about.

He sighed again and looked at his watch. He'd lost track of the time, it was after seven and he'd planned to leave by six. He glanced out into the semi-darkened office area, wondering if anyone else was still around. He was entirely unsurprised to spot a suited figure with a handful of folders moving silently across the opposite side of the open space.

"Ianto!" he shouted as he shook his head in annoyance. The man was going to work himself to death.

Jack stood up and leaned against the corner of his desk as he waited impatiently. A minute later, the Welshman appeared at his door.

"You bellowed, Jack?" he asked sardonically, a petulant expression clouding his features.

"I did, actually," Jack replied. He narrowed his eyes at the other man. "What are you still doing here?"

"Working."

"Cheeky bastard," Jack growled. "You know perfectly well what I mean."

"I'm just getting a couple of things ready for tomorrow. I'm almost done." Ianto's voice was even, but he looked at Jack unrepentantly.

"What are your plans for tonight?" Jack asked, changing the subject. "Gwen is away again, and I was thinking… Maybe… Dinner? A movie?"

Ianto looked at him warily. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Jack chuckled. "Do you want me to?" he asked seductively.

"Haven't we done this already? I'm not going on a date with you."

"Spoilsport. Look, we'll just get some take-away and go to my place. If Gwen can have a girl's night, then we can have a boy's night. My treat. I'll even let you pick the DVD we watch."

Jack waited for a reaction from Ianto, but as usual, he was giving nothing away. "Anyway, you need to relax more. I'll drag you out of here if I have to," he added.

Jack unleashed his best pout and slumped his shoulders as Ianto looked at him doubtfully.

After a moment, Ianto finally relented. "All right, but I'm choosing the take-away too," he said firmly.

Jack grinned. It seemed that uptight, impassive Welshmen weren't entirely immune to the Harkness pout after all.

"Has anyone ever told you how bossy you are?" Jack asked good-naturedly as he grabbed his jacket, phone and wallet, flipped off the light, and closed his office door behind them. "Not that I'm complaining," he added. "I like a man who knows how to take charge."

He smiled at Ianto and gave him an enthusiastic clap on the back.

Ianto looked at him darkly, but Jack cut him off before he could reply. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Jack woke with a loud moan, his head pounding mercilessly. He tried to crack open an eye but immediately shut it again as he was blinded by the morning light streaming in through the large windows. A heavy weight had him pinned to the sofa, and he could feel dampness on his cheek.

Instinctively, he gave a rough push with his hands and the weight promptly vanished.

His eyes flew open as he heard a loud thump, and he peered down to find a dishevelled looking Welshman slumped on the floor. The man in question groaned loudly and raised a hand to rub at his head. "Ow…" he muttered and started cursing as he unsuccessfully attempted to move into an upright position, his limbs flailing about uselessly.

Jack slid off the sofa and down to the floor, groaning too as he pulled Ianto up to sit beside him. "Sorry," he mumbled as his head started to spin. Ianto muttered something unintelligible as he slumped against Jack, his head falling to rest on Jack's shoulder.

"Jack?" Ianto groaned a minute or so later as his eyes began to open. He pulled back and blinked at Jack. "What's going on?"

Jack tried to focus on Ianto's features. "Um, I think we passed out and you slept on top of me."

Ianto eyes widened and he looked at Jack in horror. Jack reached a hand up to his cheek and wiped awkwardly at his face. "I think you drooled on me too," he added helpfully.

"Oh, God," Ianto moaned and buried his head in his hands.

Jack gave him a nudge with his shoulder. He reached over and rubbed Ianto's leg gently. "Hey, it's okay. What's a little drool between friends?"

Ianto just continued to groan and shake his head miserably.

Jack surveyed his coffee table in front of them. It was littered with mostly empty boxes of Chinese take-away, three empty red wine bottles, various plates, glasses and cutlery, and a half empty bottle of scotch. He joined in with another groan of his own as his stomach churned violently.

He tried to recall the previous evening. He remembered a heated argument about what take-away to get. He'd wanted Indian, and Ianto had wanted Thai. They'd eventually compromised on Chinese. They had strolled around the Plass while waiting for their food. Jack liked the water tower at night, so he'd dragged Ianto over to look at it up close. Then they'd collected their dinner and made their way on foot to Jack's apartment.

Ianto had teased him about his admittedly insanely large collection of science fiction DVD's, and had chosen the director's cut of Blade Runner for them to watch. Jack hadn't minded, it was a classic and one of his favourites.

They'd chatted fairly amiably while eating, and one bottle of wine had given way to two and then they'd started watching the movie. Jack could remember retrieving the third bottle at some point, but everything was hazy after that.

As his thoughts stumbled back to the present, he looked down at himself and then at Ianto. The younger man looked about as good as Jack was feeling; his eyes were glazed and bleary as he squinted warily at Jack, his face was red and blotchy, his hair was a mess and sticking out at odd angles, and his clothes were badly crumpled. Dark stubble covered his jaw line, and chin. Ianto's mouth hung open slightly as if he didn't have the strength to keep it closed.

On closer inspection, Jack was relieved to find they were both still dressed in trousers, shirts and socks. Although his own shirt was mostly unbuttoned, and several of Ianto's buttons had come unfastened too.

Ianto was wearing a fuchsia pink shirt, a fact that Jack had teased him about mercilessly the day before. But he had to admit that Ianto had been right; he could definitely manage to wear pink and look as handsome as ever. Jack had idly wondered if the shirt in question had already been a part of Ianto's wardrobe or if he'd bought it especially to prove Jack wrong. Either way, Jack had reaped the benefits.

He found himself staring at a patch of pale flesh where Ianto's shirt had risen up, revealing an expanse of flat stomach with an impressive covering of fine dark hair. The hair was thicker in the middle as it trailed down from a sunken belly button, fanning out and disappearing below a silver belt buckle and the pin-striped trousers beneath.

Jack's breath caught in his throat as he noticed the prominent bulge further down, and he wriggled slightly as he realised his own trousers were uncomfortably tight due to his morning arousal.

He continued to stare at the Welshman, his eyes trailing upwards and settling on the hollow of Ianto's neck where a further patch of skin was on display where the top buttons of his shirt were undone. The area was also teasingly adorned with a smattering of dark hair. Ianto was still wearing his tie; it was hanging loosely at his neck, askew and forlorn. Despite his somewhat less than coherent condition, Jack thought Ianto looked utterly adorable.

Eventually his eyes moved back to Ianto's face. The other man was looking down at Jack's chest, his gaze seemed to be resting on the smooth, firm skin, something unreadable beyond his glassy eyes. Jack held still and continued to watch Ianto, feeling a mixture of confusion and barely suppressed desire pushing to the forefront of his muddled mind.

Ianto looked up and their eyes met for an instant, their noses almost touching as their warm breaths mingled. Ianto quickly turned away, pulling back and staring down at the table.

Giving himself a mental shake, Jack staggered unsteadily to his feet and reached down to distractedly pat Ianto on the head. "I'll make us some coffee," he rasped and slowly lurched towards the kitchen area.

Returning several minutes later, Jack managed to get the two mugs of coffee onto the table without mishap and collapsed back down on the floor beside Ianto. He fumbled in his pocket and extracted a small bottle.

"Here," he said as he passed two tablets to Ianto. "Aspirin," he added. He'd already taken some himself while preparing the coffee.

Ianto nodded and slipped the tablets into his mouth before reaching for his coffee. He grimaced but drank greedily. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"You okay?" Jack asked. He was starting to feel a little guilty for his part in getting Ianto into his current state.

"I will be," Ianto replied. He looked down at the mug he was still holding. "Jack," he started hesitantly. "I'm sorry I…"

Jack cut him off. "Don't worry about it. I drank as much as you did. Anyway, apart from our hangovers, it was fun. You enjoyed yourself, didn't you?"

Ianto still looked mortified. "Yeah. It's just that I don't normally drink so much," he said despondently, not meeting Jack's gaze. "I don't like to…" He paused uncertainly. "I don't like losing control like that."

"Maybe you need to once in a while," Jack said slowly. "You know, just unwind and forget about everything for a bit. Anyway, it was just the two of us. There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Ianto nodded slightly. "Maybe. Um, thanks for dinner and…" He waved his hand around vaguely in front of him.

Jack rested his hand on Ianto's knee and gave a gentle squeeze. "Anytime," he said, smiling at Ianto affectionately.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Jack and Ianto somehow managed to struggle through their work day. Ianto was even quieter than usual, hiding himself away in one of the test labs for much of the time. Jack had checked in on him a couple of times, but he'd received little more than a miserable groan in response. Jack had noticed Tosh giving them both curious looks, but neither of them had offered her an explanation.

Once Jack had recovered, he began to find the whole thing enormously amusing. Unfortunately, Ianto didn't seem to agree with his assessment. Jack's only regret was that he didn't have clearer memories from the later part of their evening, especially about how they'd become curled up together on his sofa. He'd been every bit as inebriated as Ianto.

He found himself thinking about the strange look on Ianto's face that morning as they'd sat side by side on his floor. The more he thought about it, he decided there had been something close to desperation in those expressive blue eyes, maybe even hunger. But he had to acknowledge that perhaps it was just wishful thinking; a manifestation of his deeper desires. He couldn't deny that he was intensely attracted to his young colleague, but he couldn't seriously allow himself to think that Ianto might feel something too.

Nonetheless, Jack felt hopeful that this was a turning point of sorts, and that he and Ianto had begun to bond as friends.

Two days later, Jack met Dr. Owen Harper for the first time. The gruff Londoner had been called in to review some user-interface designs with Ianto before the team began to implement them.

And Jack was slightly disappointed to discover that Owen was as resistant to his charms as Ianto had proven to be.

* * *

Owen returned from the bar, having ordered their food, with two pints in hand. He set one down in front of Ianto and then settled down into the seat on his side of their booth. He clinked his glass against Ianto's with a grin.

"Cheers, mate."

"Cheers." Ianto smiled before lifting the glass to his mouth.

"So, what's the deal with Captain America?" Owen asked.

Ianto shrugged. "Dunno. He hasn't been here long. Moved down from London."

Owen snorted derisively. "Seems a bit full of himself."

"He's not so bad once you get used to him. He's just…" Ianto paused as if searching for the appropriate word. "Different," he settled on.

"He looks like he walked out of a bloody Hollywood movie or something," Owen continued with disdain.

Ianto took another mouthful of beer. "I suppose."

Owen grinned at his friends feigned indifference. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed. He likes you. Hasn't tried it on has he?"

"What?" Ianto almost choked on his drink. "No! Besides, he's got a girlfriend. He's just… I guess we're sort of friends. We've had a couple of meals together. He seems a bit lonely. Gwen – the girlfriend – seems to be away a lot."

"Thought you might have decided to switch teams," Owen said with a smirk.

"I'm not gay, Owen," Ianto snapped.

Owen looked at Ianto curiously. "Is he?"

"Don't know. I've seen him flirt with men and women. Maybe he's bi," Ianto answered. "Anyway, does it matter?" he added somewhat defensively.

Owen shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. Whatever floats your boat I say." He paused as he studied his friend's unreadable features. "Did I ever tell you about the time…" he began, a wistful expression on his face.

Ianto looked at him blankly.

"No? Way before Katie of course. I went on the pull one night and hooked up with this bird. Then I found out she had a boyfriend. I thought he was gonna throttle me. Next thing I know, I ended up in a threesome with them."

Owen watched Ianto's reaction, hoping to get a rise out of the other man. But Ianto just continued to look at him impassively. Ianto had, without doubt, the best poker face Owen had ever come across.

But after a moment, Ianto's expression became curious. "Did you…? I mean, did he…?"

"Take me up the arse?" Owen filled in casually. "Nah. I gave him a good seeing to though. Didn't do much for me, but the girl got off on it. Guess she liked seeing her bloke get a thorough shagging."

"Anyway, I never tried it again. Not my thing," Owen continued. "So, you've never messed around with a bloke?"

"No, never," Ianto replied adamantly.

"Fair enough. Anyway, that Captain Jack looks like he'd shag anything with a pulse. He should fit in well here with all you sheep shaggers," Owen teased with a chuckle.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You're never going to get tired of that one are you?"

"Nope, gotta keep you Welshies in your place."

At that moment their food arrived. "Thank God. I'm starving," Owen said and began to eat enthusiastically.

Ianto looked at his own meal indifferently and started slowly picking at it.

After a few minutes of silence Owen paused and looked hard at Ianto. "How are you doing, Ianto? Doesn't look like you're sleeping much."

Ianto gave a little shrug and a pained expression crossed his face. "Some days are better than others. Still grieving I guess. It's stupid isn't it?"

"No. I'd be worried if you weren't," Owen replied. "But you need to let go and move on. Don't let what happened ruin your life."

"I don't know if I can," Ianto said, shaking his head. "I don't want another relationship. Not sure if I ever will. How can I trust anyone again?"

Owen looked at Ianto with concern. "It's never easy, but if the right person comes along, maybe that will change."

Ianto sighed deeply. "I wish I could believe that."

"Well in the meantime, you can have some fun," Owen suggested. "Doesn't have to be serious. You're a good-looking bloke, not as if you've got a face like a dog's behind. You won't have any trouble pulling someone."

"I've never been good at casual," Ianto said, sounding resigned.

"Maybe that's the problem. You need to play the field a bit before you get into anything serious again."

"I'll take it under advisement," Ianto replied sardonically.

"That's more like it." Owen smiled. "Doctor's orders."

"So, how's Katie?" Ianto asked, changing the subject. "Worked out that she's too good for you yet?"

"Ha ha. Very funny. She's great. But she's getting broody. She's starting to drop hints about sprogs."

Owen recognised his mistake as soon as he'd said the words. Ianto had frozen in place, his face etched with pain. "Shit, sorry," Owen mumbled.

Ianto seemed to recover quickly. "Doesn't matter. Go on."

Owen paused awkwardly but then continued. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for that." He gave a small chuckle as he added, "Can you imagine a mini me running around the place?"

"Terrifying," Ianto deadpanned.

"Yeah. But we're happy. Never thought I'd be saying that. And if a miserable git like me can find happiness, then there's hope for the rest of you sad tossers."

They finished their meals and left the pub. Ianto walked with Owen back to the office car park.

They reached Owen's car, and Owen clapped Ianto heartily on the back. "Take care of yourself, mate. I think I'll be coming back next week, so I'll see you then."

"Cheers, Owen. Say hi to Katie for me."

"Will do. And Ianto, if you ever need anything…"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

Ianto gave a little wave as he watched Owen drive off. He sighed and started walking back to the office.

* * *

Jack was walking down the corridor from his office when Ianto appeared from around the corner and almost barrelled into him. He grasped Ianto's shoulder to steady him and smiled.

"Ianto! You're back. How was lunch with the good doctor?" he asked.

"It was fine," Ianto replied, looking distracted. Jack lowered his arm.

"It's good to see you get out of the office once in a while. You work too hard."

"Isn't that why you wanted me on your team?" Ianto retorted, his eyes narrowing slightly. Jack noticed that the lethal eyebrow gave a slight quiver.

"I wanted you because you're brilliant, not because you're a workaholic," Jack clarified.

"I'm not a…" Ianto started to say.

Jack cut him off. "You are, and you know it. It's damn unhealthy."

Jack watched in amusement as Ianto's mouth hung open for a moment before it firmly snapped shut.

Ianto was as stubborn as he was tenacious, and Jack had quickly realised that the Welshman was used to having a great deal of latitude. Ianto was far too great of an asset to the company for anyone to call him on his bad habits. But Jack wasn't having it. He'd decided that Ianto needed someone to take him in hand and keep him from self-destructing. Ianto Jones would learn soon enough that he wasn't the only one with an impressive stubborn streak.

"So, you've known Owen for a while?" Jack asked, hoping to redirect the conversation.

"Yeah, we met a couple of years ago when he started consulting here. He's a cynical bastard, but he's a good bloke, and a brilliant doctor."

"He seems like an okay guy," Jack agreed.

Ianto looked at Jack suspiciously. "And before you get any ideas, he's married, so hands off."

"Hey! I saw the wedding ring," Jack stated, looking affronted. "Besides, he's not my type."

"You have a type?" Ianto asked incredulously, his eyebrows shooting upwards.

Jack laughed. "Of course I do. I thought you would have figured that out by now," he replied with a wink.

"By the way, he thinks you're full of yourself," Ianto added, ignoring Jack's comment.

"I am not!" Jack exclaimed with a note of petulance. "Am I?"

"Just a bit." Ianto smirked at him.

"Suppose I can't really argue with that," Jack muttered.

"Always wise to quit while you're ahead," Ianto agreed with a nod.

Jack grinned unabashedly. He loved these little verbal sparring matches with Ianto. But he also knew when he'd been beaten. "So, did you get through everything you wanted to with Owen?"

"Yep," Ianto replied. "There are a couple of issues we need to talk about. I'll go through them with you later."

"Sure," Jack agreed. "I'm just on my way to a meeting upstairs. Come by my office when I get back?"

"Okay. Thanks, Jack." Ianto gave him a quick nod and then turned towards his desk.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"_Hey, Ianto. It's Jack."_

Ianto looked at his phone in surprise. He blinked and then returned it to his ear.

"Jack? What do you want?"

"_I'm bored. I thought we could go and grab a bite to eat… if you're not doing anything." _Jack's voice carried a hint of awkwardness.

"I've already made dinner."

"_Oh, right. Sorry."_ Jack sounded disappointed.

"If you're hungry… I made plenty… er, if you want to come over that is."

"_Really? Sounds great."_

Ianto gave Jack his address and disconnected the call. He sighed heavily.

Fifteen minutes later, Jack was standing at Ianto's front door, a silly grin plastered on his face, and a six-pack of beer under his arm.

Ianto ushered him inside and closed the door. He took Jack's coat and hung it on the peg next to his own. Jack looked around the small living area appreciatively. As he'd expected, it was obsessively neat and quite sparsely decorated. The space was dominated by a large comfortable looking sofa and an entertainment unit with an impressively sized flat-screen television. The colours were muted and understated, with splashes of rich earthy tones in the furnishings, supplemented by deep blues and purples in several pieces of artwork on the walls.

At the rear of the room there was a small round meals table and a doorway that lead off to the kitchen. Another doorway led to what Jack presumed was the bedroom and bathroom.

"Dinner's ready. Have a seat while I dish it up." Ianto nodded towards the table as he took the beers from Jack and moved towards the kitchen.

Jack sniffed at the tantalizing aromas and eagerly sat down. Ianto returned a moment later, depositing two large steaming bowls on the table. He scurried away again and came back a minute later with glasses filled with beer and a loaf of garlic bread.

"Lamb stew," he said. "Hope you like it."

"It looks delicious," Jack exclaimed, as he started digging in with abandon. Ianto rolled his eyes as he took a sip from his glass and also began to eat.

They chatted a little about work as they ate. Jack always wanted to know all the gossip at the office, and while it took some doing, he often managed to coax some interesting tidbits from Ianto. Despite his reclusive nature, the man really did seem to know everything that was going on.

Jack drained his glass and finished off the last of the bread. "Thanks, Ianto. That was fantastic."

Ianto nodded slightly as he finished eating, a brief ghost of a smile passing across his lips in response.

"I'll have to remember to invite myself around again sometime," Jack added with a wink and a flirtatious grin. He was rewarded with a raised eyebrow, and his day suddenly seemed complete.

They quickly cleared away the dishes. Jack wandered back into the living area and Ianto joined him a moment later. Jack was staring at the piano sitting in the far corner.

"Play something for me?" Jack said beseechingly, bringing out what he hoped was his best puppy-dog eyes.

"If I recall correctly, I've already answered that question," Ianto replied evenly.

"Come on, Ianto. Don't make me beg," Jack pressed.

"Well you've already invaded my home and eaten my food. I suppose we might as well complete my torment for the evening," Ianto said sardonically.

"Is that a yes?" Jack asked hopefully, ignoring Ianto's sarcasm.

Ianto's shoulders slumped slightly as his resolve appeared to waver. "Yeah, all right. But stand still and be quiet."

He sat down at the piano with a dramatic sigh. He glared up at Jack before turning his attention to the keys. Then, he started to play.

Jack watched in awe as Ianto's graceful, long and slender fingers moved effortlessly over the ivory keys. Ianto sat with perfect posture, and his face carried the same expression of intense concentration that Jack was so used to seeing at work. He couldn't stop the enormous smile that spread across his face as he immediately recognised what Ianto was playing. It was one of his favourite songs.

The words danced through his mind as Ianto continued to play. _It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide…_ Jack closed his eyes and let the music wash over him.

The song came to an end and Ianto finished off with an impressive flourish as his hands danced across the length of the keyboard. As the final notes faded into silence, he looked up at Jack nervously.

Jack gazed down at Ianto with open admiration. "That was amazing, Ianto. You play beautifully," he said softly, desperately hoping that his voice didn't betray him. He blinked several times. "That's one of my favourite songs," he admitted with a smile.

"Mine too." Ianto gave him a tentative smile in return.

"Thank you," Jack said sincerely.

Ianto nodded and stood up. "Coffee?" he suggested as he turned towards the kitchen.

"Absolutely," Jack replied with a grin.

Ianto disappeared into the kitchen and started preparing their drinks. He returned with their mugs and they sat on the sofa, idly chatting about music and movies. Ianto's coffee was the best Jack had ever tasted, and he leaned back into the sofa, sighing with contentment.

After a moment, he noticed that Ianto was looking at him nervously while chewing at his bottom lip. "Ianto, are you okay?" Jack asked him, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. Um, Jack, can I ask you something?" Ianto said as he looked at Jack searchingly. "It's… er, it's kind of personal."

"Well, technically we have slept together. I think you're entitled," Jack quipped.

Ianto groaned. "You're never going to let me forget that are you?"

Jack grinned wickedly. "Nope. Anyway, go for it. The worst I can do is refuse to answer."

Ianto stared at Jack for a long moment. "Are you… um, I mean… you flirt with everyone… but you've got a girlfriend…" he stuttered, his eyes seemed to be pleading with Jack to understand.

"You're asking if I'm gay?" Jack asked as he realised what Ianto was trying to say.

"Yes," Ianto said, sounding relieved.

Jack paused as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I don't believe in labels – trying to put people into neat little boxes – gay, straight, bisexual, transsexual…" he trailed off with a shrug. "What difference does it make? If I like someone, their gender doesn't matter to me. I like to think of myself as flexible."

Ianto nodded slowly. "You've had boyfriends before?"

"Yes," Jack answered. "Does that bother you?"

"No," Ianto replied quickly. He looked thoughtful. "So when did you know that you were… different… that you didn't only like women?"

"I think I always did. I suppose I'm lucky. It's just who I am, and I've always accepted it," Jack stated as he looked at Ianto curiously. "Why do you ask?"

Ianto looked back at him uneasily before dropping his gaze to his hands. "I'm not… I've never done anything with a man, but I… I've wondered what it would be like. I think I've always wondered. I don't know what that means… or why I sometimes think about it." He paused and glanced back up at Jack. "I'm a bit old to realise that maybe I'm not straight. I've always had girlfriends, and I never felt like I was missing out or that anything was wrong, but…"

"Ianto, it doesn't have to mean anything," Jack said evenly, his voice gentle. "Maybe you're like me – if it's the right person, it doesn't matter."

"Maybe." Ianto didn't look convinced.

"Have you been thinking of doing something about it… exploring this side of yourself?" Jack asked carefully.

Ianto looked awkward and embarrassed, but it was obvious that he wanted to talk about this. Jack wondered if it was simply that Ianto had never before had someone to talk to who he felt would understand and not judge him.

"No… maybe. I don't know… I suppose I've thought about it. But the idea of finding a random bloke… and I wouldn't know what to do, or what they wanted from me. It's kind of terrifying." He shook his head and looked despondent. "It would be like losing my virginity all over again, except worse. It's okay to be inexperienced when you're a teenager, but not when you're our age."

Jack mentally cringed as some unpleasant possibilities ran through his mind. The thought of the beautiful, complicated and sensitive man before him in any of those scenarios made him feel sick to his stomach. He felt a wave of protectiveness rush over him. Suddenly, an idea formed in his mind, and he thought that if he tried hard enough he could almost convince himself it was an entirely selfless one.

"My turn for a question," Jack began. "Are you attracted to me?"

"I think you know the answer to that," Ianto muttered.

Jack nodded. Ianto was very careful, but he'd noticed the way the Welshman sometimes looked at him when he thought Jack wasn't paying attention. And then there was their drunken night together and those curious looks the morning after.

"And you must know that I like you too. And we're friends," Jack paused, the possible foolishness of what he was about to say crashing down upon him. "There's no reason why we can't have some fun together," he suggested cautiously. "I could take care of you and teach you some things."

Ianto stared at Jack, eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Jack tensed slightly, as he half expected Ianto's fist to connect with his jaw at any moment.

"Have I shocked you?" Jack asked worriedly.

"No," Ianto shook his head. "But… we work together, and like you said, we're…" He looked puzzled, as if he was still trying to work out how the brash American fitted into his life. "We're… friends… that makes things complicated."

"It doesn't have to be." Jack shrugged. "People do it all the time. You know, 'friends with benefits'." He inwardly cringed at the phrase, but it was the only thing he could think of to politely describe what he'd just proposed. "And I'd never pressure you to do anything that you're not comfortable with. It would be on your terms."

A look of intense apprehension filled Ianto's features. "But what about Gwen?" he asked.

"We're not like that," Jack said firmly. "We have our own lives." He still wasn't sure where he stood in terms of exclusivity with Gwen, but he didn't want Ianto to worry about that.

Ianto nodded but still looked anxious. "I'd have to think about it."

Jack reached over and placed his hand gently on Ianto's shoulder. "Just remember, anytime you want to talk, if you've got questions, or want advice…" He paused and gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You can always talk to me, okay?"

"All right." Ianto met his gaze briefly and gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

"Well, I should probably get going," Jack said as he stood up. "Thanks again for dinner. I really enjoyed it," he enthused. "Hopefully we can do this again sometime?"

"Yeah, of course," Ianto replied as he followed Jack to the door.

Jack turned and looked back at the younger man. Confusion was still etched across his features, and he was frowning slightly. Throwing caution to the wind, Jack moved closer and wrapped his arms around Ianto, pulling him into a tight hug.

Jack felt Ianto tense for a moment, but then he seemed to relax as he moved his arms tentatively to encircle Jack's body. The embrace was somewhat awkward, but it had felt like the right thing to do, and Jack trusted his instincts in these matters. Besides, he knew he'd always been good with hugs.

Ianto was warm and strong in his arms. Jack's heart began to beat faster as their cheeks briefly rubbed against each other, the friction of their combined stubble making the sensation all the more intense.

Jack pressed a chaste kiss to Ianto's cheek as he reluctantly pulled away. He smiled gently. He'd expected Ianto to look annoyed, but his expression was more one of surprise. He seemed almost stunned. Apparently Ianto wasn't used to receiving spontaneous affection, especially from his flirtatious male colleagues.

"See you tomorrow, Ianto," Jack said as he reached for his coat. He smiled at Ianto again.

"'Night, Jack," Ianto returned as he gave a small wave and watched him leave.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:**

Thanks so much to everyone who have taken the time to read this story so far, alerted or added it to their favourites. Special thanks to those who have so kindly provided feedback. I'm posting this chapter and the next one a little earlier than I'd planned to express my appreciation. Please feel free to let me know what you think so far. I make sure I reply to every review I receive.

Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Also, thanks as always to my wonderful beta Prothrombintime.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"_Room 316. 8pm."_

Jack stared at the text message on his phone. He'd been more than a little surprised when Ianto had approached him several days ago and matter-of-factly asked him if his offer was still open. Frankly, he'd been expecting Ianto to change his mind since then, but one of the things he'd learnt about Ianto Jones was that he was a man of conviction. Once he'd carefully considered and chosen a given course of action, it took a great deal to dissuade him. It was one of the many qualities that Jack admired about the younger man.

He and Gwen had spoken the previous evening, amicably agreeing that neither of them were ready for an exclusive relationship. Jack knew they never would be, and although the words hadn't been said, he was fairly certain that Gwen felt the same way. Gwen had seemed relieved, which had strengthened Jack's conviction that she was seeing someone else already, or at the least that there was someone else she would like to see. Although he hadn't felt that he was necessarily doing anything wrong by seeing Ianto, he felt better knowing he and Gwen had an understanding.

Having already showered and shaved, Jack finished getting dressed. He'd settled on jeans and a black button-down shirt, accompanied by his favourite leather jacket and a pair of comfortable leather shoes. After a final inspection in the mirror, he double-checked that his pockets contained all the necessities, then grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

He was a few minutes early, and he didn't want to seem too eager, so he strolled slowly across the Plass, enjoying the vibrant ambiance of the early evening as he eased gradually towards his destination. He was unaccountably nervous, but it was tempered by the thrill of anticipation. This situation was unusual, even for him, and something about it seemed vaguely illicit and inappropriate. A darker part of him found that quite exciting.

He soon arrived at the entrance of the St. David's Hotel. He made his way towards the bank of lifts, but then decided to take the stairs instead, hoping the climb would help to expel some of his nervous energy.

After a wrong turn along the way, he finally found himself standing outside the correct door, his hand raised as he was about to knock. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that he needed to tread carefully, that his own desires were secondary for the duration of whatever this turned out to be. Finally, he gave what he hoped sounded like a casual tap on the door.

He smiled widely as the door opened. "Hey," he said.

"Hi, Jack."

Jack moved inside, and the door was quickly closed behind him. He took a moment to glance around his surroundings as he shrugged off his jacket. The room was spacious and had an understated, yet luxurious feel. It was dominated by a large, comfortable looking bed, and a sitting area with a sofa, armchairs, and coffee table. A large expanse of glass provided a stunning view over the water. The lighting was subdued, and the overall effect was warm and intimate.

"Very nice," Jack said as he turned to Ianto.

This was the first time he'd properly seen Ianto dressed in something other than a suit. Even when they'd had dinner at his flat, he'd been wearing suit trousers and a dress shirt. But tonight, Ianto had gone for a more casual look. He was wearing a cobalt blue shirt and dark jeans, both of which fitted him exceedingly well. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, and the top two buttons at his neck were open. Jack spotted a black jacket hanging near the door and a pair of blue and white trainers tucked neatly in the corner. He was oddly amused to find that Ianto's feet were bare and that they sank slightly into the plush carpet.

Jack felt a sudden surge of apprehension. Without a suit and tie, Ianto looked so young and innocent, and from Ianto's own admission, he was completely inexperienced in being with a man. The entire situation had to be terrifying for him. Jack wondered again if he was taking advantage of this beautiful but vulnerable, fragile, and lonely man.

Ianto was looking at him anxiously but also with a hint of annoyance. Jack realised he'd been staring while lost in his thoughts. "Sorry… Ianto, you look incredible," he said appreciatively.

"Thanks," Ianto replied as his features seemed to relax slightly. "Um, you too," he added awkwardly.

Jack nodded towards the table where there were two glasses and a bottle of scotch. "Liquid courage?" he suggested with a soft smile.

Ianto gave a nervous chuckle. "Something like that."

Ianto remained standing near the door. Jack wondered if he was considering making a run for it. Deciding that he needed to take charge, he threw his jacket over the back of one of the chairs, sat down, and picking up the bottle, splashed a shot into each glass.

"Good idea," he said as he leaned back into the sofa, taking a sip and then nursing the glass in his lap.

Eventually, Ianto moved closer and sat down next to him, and then quickly downed his drink. Jack poured Ianto a small refill and took another sip of his own.

"So, a couple of ground rules," Jack began, keeping his voice low. "First, we should keep this just between us. It would be awkward if anyone at work knew."

Ianto nodded quickly in agreement. Then he looked apprehensive. "Are you sure about this, Jack? I don't want to cause problems for you…" He trailed off awkwardly and looked away as he took another mouthful of his drink.

"Don't worry, it won't," Jack said calmly, knowing that Ianto was referring to Gwen.

Ianto stared hard at Jack for a moment, but then seemed to accept his assurance. "Okay," he answered simply.

"And this is the important one," Jack continued. "If at any time you don't like something or feel uncomfortable… you say stop and we stop. No questions. You're in control, okay?"

Ianto nodded again, a look of relief passing over his features.

Jack reached out and touched Ianto's arm. "Are you all right?" he asked softly. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes," Ianto answered resolutely. "I'm sure. I want this, Jack."

Jack watched as Ianto closed his eyes, breathed out, and then opened his eyes again. A hint of a smile crossed his lips. "I'm just a bit nervous," he admitted. "I've never done this before and I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't want to disappoint you."

"You won't disappoint me," Jack said with what he hoped was reassurance as he stared into Ianto's eyes. "I promise you that. It's just the two of us here. No pressure, no expectations. We'll take things slowly."

He rested his hand on Ianto's knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You can trust me, Ianto. I'd never hurt you or do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I know," Ianto said quietly.

Jack felt relieved but he was also startled by Ianto's admission. "Do you want to talk about things first?" he asked gently. "Is there anything that you know you definitely don't want to do, or that you're not ready for? I know it's difficult to talk about, but it might be easier if we work that out first."

Ianto looked at Jack in surprise, but then his expression turned contemplative. "I don't think so." He looked away as a hint of embarrassment coloured his features. "I, er… well, I want to try a lot of things." He looked at Jack again and smiled slyly. "There's quite a list."

Jack raised his eyebrows, a salacious grin spreading across his face. "Really? A list, huh? I'm thinking I like the sound of that."

Ianto rolled his eyes but grinned back. "I thought you might."

Then his expression turned serious. "Is there anything that's off limits for you? I should know that too."

Jack shook his head. "Nothing that I can think of." He grinned again, hoping to lighten the mood and gave Ianto a cheeky wink. "I'm a flexible kind of guy."

Ianto smiled mischievously. "That's good to know."

Jack was relieved that Ianto seemed to be starting to relax. "Ianto, I'll be more than happy to show you just how flexible I am," he teased.

Ianto's eyes grew wide and his breath seemed to catch in his throat. Then suddenly he looked somber. "Um… Jack, will you do something for me?"

"Sure, what is it?" Jack replied uneasily, worried that he'd said something wrong.

He watched as Ianto put his glass down on the table and moved closer until their legs were touching. Reaching down, Ianto eased the glass from Jack's fingers and placed it on the table next to his own. Jack's breath hitched as he looked deeply into Ianto's eyes and saw a spark of raw, unsuppressed desire.

"Shut up and kiss me," Ianto growled in a low voice.

Jack barely managed to stifle his laughter, but he was only too happy to oblige. He cupped Ianto's face in his hands, and smiling softly, he brought their lips together.

Jack felt Ianto tense for a moment, but then he moved his hands up to rest on Jack's shoulders and started to respond. The kiss was tentative and exploratory, their mouths only slightly parted. Jack kept the kiss gentle and undemanding, not wanting to go further until he was sure that Ianto was ready. After a far too brief moment, he reluctantly pulled away.

It hadn't been an especially fantastic kiss. It hadn't been filled with the desperate, passionate hunger that he'd fantasized about. But as a first kiss, it hadn't been bad at all. It had been perfect in its own unique way. The brief contact had left him feeling highly aroused and wanting so much more. He'd always liked that first moment of connection with another person – the first touch of intimacy, and the promise of what it might become.

For what seemed like an eternity, he'd wanted to feel those soft lips against his own, and the anticipation notwithstanding, he wasn't the least bit disappointed.

"Okay?" he asked Ianto, who was looking rather overwhelmed.

Ianto nodded after a moment as he held Jack's gaze.

"Your turn," Jack prompted.

Jack leaned in again as Ianto moved closer, tentatively placing his hand behind Jack's neck, and pulling him forward. Jack closed his eyes, hoping it would help to alleviate Ianto's remaining anxiety.

He felt Ianto's lips brush against his before they pressed more firmly, and then Ianto was kissing him with fervent enthusiasm. Jack moaned with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Ianto, holding him close as he lost himself in the taste, scent, and feel of the other man.

Eventually they parted, both gasping for breath. Jack caressed the side of Ianto's face and gave him a reassuring smile. He traced his fingers across Ianto's cheek and along his jaw line, continuing down his neck and along the length of his arm, finally stopping at the inside of his wrist as he lightly stroked the soft flesh. Ianto trembled in response, a tiny moan escaping from his lips as his eyes drifted closed.

Jack reached down and removed his shoes and socks, tossing them aside. He stood and offered his hand to Ianto. The younger man looked up at him apprehensively, but silently joined his hand with Jack's, and together they made their way over to the bed.

Jack threw back the covers and stood in front of Ianto. He slowly began to unbutton his shirt. Then he shrugged it off and let it fall to the floor. Ianto was staring at Jack's exposed flesh with darkened eyes, and his mouth was slightly parted. Jack leaned in, cupped Ianto's face with both hands, and kissed him tenderly. He felt Ianto's hands rest on the bare skin just above his hips, and a shiver of desire coursed through his body.

"All right?" Jack murmured as he pulled away slightly.

He gazed into Ianto's eyes. He could see the turbulent mix of emotions, a potent blend of apprehension, need, and lust. But he was stunned to see something else there too… trust. Ianto trusted Jack to take care of him. Jack felt his throat tighten, and in that brief moment, everything seemed to achieve clarity. His doubts about the wisdom of what they were doing slipped away, and the two of them being there together felt utterly right. It was perfect. He just hoped that Ianto felt the same way.

He moved his hands down to the top of Ianto's shirt, trailing his fingers lightly over the hollow at the base of the younger man's throat, and waited for Ianto to grant him permission to continue.

"Yes," Ianto whispered in reply.

Jack smiled as he felt his arousal intensify from the look of yearning in Ianto's eyes. He started to carefully release the buttons one by one, pausing to caress Ianto's soft, pale flesh as it was slowly unveiled.

Finally, Jack tossed Ianto's shirt aside and admired the sight before him. Ianto was beautiful. Jack traced his hand across Ianto's chest, relishing the feel of the soft hair against his fingertips. Pulling Ianto close, Jack kissed him passionately, slowly and deeply, while running his fingers down the length of the other man's spine. Ianto moaned softly into his mouth in response.

Jack lowered himself onto the bed and sprawled out on his back. He tugged Ianto down on top of him and they kissed again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

As Jack woke the following morning, he was momentarily disoriented when he found himself in a strange bed, wrapped tightly around a warm male body. He remained still as he listened to the gentle rhythm of Ianto's breathing, and then he settled back into the soft cocoon of the bed covers, feeling relaxed and content. He smiled as memories of the previous night flooded his consciousness.

Ianto had been unsure and tentative at first. He'd seemed a bit lost and overwhelmed when confronted with a naked man for the first time. But Jack had expected that and had encouraged him to explore. The hour or so that followed had turned out to be one of the most erotic experiences of Jack's life, as Ianto had proceeded to slowly touch, taste, and map every part of Jack's body. Jack had been delighted to find that Ianto's meticulous and uncompromising nature carried over into the bedroom. And by the time Jack had finished exploring Ianto with equal reverence, he had been pleading for Jack to take him.

Once Ianto had gotten past his initial reticence, he'd proven to be an enthusiastic and willing partner. While he was inexperienced in being with another man, he was a talented lover and a fast learner. Ianto was also a very giving and considerate lover, seeking to provide as much pleasure as he received.

It really shouldn't have been a surprise to Jack when he discovered that the younger man was more knowledgeable than he had expected. Ianto never seemed to go into a situation unprepared, and apparently their night together hadn't been an exception. He'd have liked to ask Ianto about that, but he didn't want to embarrass the Welshman. As in all other facets of their association thus far, Ianto continued to challenge and surprise him.

It was a short while later that Jack was startled from his thoughts as he felt Ianto begin to wake. Ianto turned over and nuzzled his face into Jack's neck with a soft sigh. Looking down, Jack's gaze was met by a pair of sleepy blue eyes.

Jack tilted his head and smiled as he pressed a kiss to Ianto's lips. "Good morning," he said quietly.

"Morning," Ianto mumbled thickly as he shifted in Jack's embrace.

Jack leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the sensation of holding Ianto's warm body in his arms. Then his eyes shot open as Ianto suddenly became tense and started to pull away.

"Ianto, what's wrong?" Jack asked as he reached towards him. His hand brushed across Ianto's hips, and he immediately realised what was troubling the other man.

Ianto didn't respond. Deciding that he needed to deal with the situation and avoid undue awkwardness, Jack threw back the bed covers and stretched out languidly, putting himself on display. He started stroking himself lazily.

"Want me to help you take care of that?" he murmured as he watched Ianto carefully, waiting for his reaction.

Ianto abruptly turned back to look at Jack. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open as he gazed at Jack's unabashed pose. "I… er… what about you?" he asked, his voice unsteady.

Jack grinned. "Together then?" he suggested as he reached over and stroked Ianto gently.

A low moan escaped from Ianto's lips and his eyes drifted closed for a moment. "Okay," he gasped as he met Jack's gaze and seemed to relax again.

"Scoot down a bit," Jack said as he turned himself around and nudged Ianto so they were lying on their sides. "Is this all right?" he asked quietly before going any further.

Ianto mumbled a sound of approval, his eyes fixed on Jack's arousal.

Jack grinned again, and without further preamble, took Ianto into his mouth. Ianto groaned appreciatively in response. He hesitated for a moment, and then quickly followed Jack's lead.

A while later, feeling pleasantly sated, Jack spun back around and pulled a slightly breathless Ianto into his arms. He tugged the covers back up around them. "So, was that on your list?" he said with an affectionate chuckle.

"Maybe," Ianto replied coyly.

Ianto brought his hand up to Jack's face and traced a finger across the curve of his lips, a curious expression on his face. He moved in closer, but paused before their lips touched, looking uncertain.

Jack didn't hesitate to close the distance between them. They kissed deeply, their tongues hungrily chasing their unique tastes in each other's mouths.

Eventually they pulled apart, and Jack smiled at Ianto. The Welshman stared back at Jack with an expression of awe. "Huh. That was… erm… intense."

Jack grinned. "Not a bad way to start the morning, eh? Not that waking up with a gorgeous Welshman in my arms wasn't already a fantastic beginning."

Ianto shook his head with exasperation as a smirk played across his lips. "Please, Jack. I need a cup of coffee before I can cope with your personality at full strength. Possibly several cups."

Jack burst into laughter. He loved when Ianto's cheeky, playful side emerged.

"I didn't know what to do…" Ianto began, turning serious again. He shook his head apologetically. "Well, obviously I've never woken up in bed with a man before."

Ianto dropped his head onto Jack's shoulder, and Jack tightened his embrace a little, hoping to reassure the younger man. "I know, but you don't need to worry. You're doing just fine, Ianto. There aren't any rules here."

Ianto looked up at him and a flash of confusion passed across his features. "I didn't think you'd stay," he said quietly.

Jack knew that Ianto might be wondering why he was still there. It had occurred to Jack that perhaps Ianto hadn't wanted him to stay for the whole night. Jack had debated that point himself before drifting off to sleep. He hadn't wanted Ianto to feel taken advantage of, or think that Jack regarded him as just some random stranger.

It was a unique and strange situation. Ianto was his colleague and friend. Jack found himself feeling strangely protective and even a little possessive of his young companion. He'd wanted Ianto's first time to be memorable and unspoiled by doubts or negative emotions. And selfishly, he'd wanted that for himself too. He'd wanted their brief time together to be perfect, since he didn't know if it would ever happen again.

"It seemed a shame not to enjoy this stunning room," Jack said, trying to sound casual. "Is it okay that I stayed?" he asked with concern.

Ianto nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm glad you're here."

Jack relaxed, feeling relieved that he'd done the right thing. "How are you feeling?" he asked gently as he began roaming his hand over Ianto's chest.

Ianto hummed in response and gave his body an experimental wriggle. "A bit sore, but it feels… it's sort of nice."

"That's pretty normal," Jack assured him. "Especially for your first time."

Jack squirmed a little himself, and realised he was also experiencing some slight discomfort. "I didn't hurt you did I?" Ianto asked worriedly.

"No, not at all. It's been a while for me. It is nice though, that feeling of having been thoroughly shagged." Jack grinned. "So, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Yeah. It wasn't…" Ianto began. "It wasn't what I expected."

Jack felt a stab of concern. "Better or worse?"

"Better, much better. Just…" Ianto paused. "It's weird. You imagine how something is going to be, and it ends up being completely different. I just thought…" he trailed off uncertainly.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked softly.

"Nothing. I guess that's sort of the problem." Ianto's eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment and a look of mortification spread across his features.

"It's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me," Jack reassured him gently.

"I loved it," Ianto whispered, looking away from Jack. "All of it… everything we did together."

Jack couldn't help but feel a little bit smug, but more than that, he felt immensely relieved. It was obvious that Ianto had enjoyed everything they'd done at the time, but Jack wasn't sure how he would have handled things if Ianto had suddenly decided that it was all a horrible mistake and regretted it.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Ianto," he said soothingly. "We had fantastic sex. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

Ianto nodded but looked pensive. "I think part of me hoped that I wouldn't like being with a man…" He paused and shrugged. "That it was just some compulsion I had to get over… and that I was straight after all…"

He lifted his head to meet Jack's eyes. "But, I'm not, am I?"

Jack found Ianto's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Maybe not completely, but does it matter? A lot of people aren't entirely one way or the other… me, for example."

Jack rested his hand on Ianto's chest, just over his heart, and stroked his thumb gently across the warm skin. "It doesn't change who you are. You're still Ianto Jones. You've just discovered that your sexuality isn't as black and white as you once thought it was."

"Ten years too late," Ianto said with a trace of bitterness. "If I'd worked this out sooner or if I'd been braver, things might have been different."

"Possibly," Jack acknowledged. He assumed that Ianto was thinking about his ex-girlfriend. "But these things tend to happen in their own time. I don't think it's a question of bravery. It's just that you were in a different place in your life. But doing this, being here with me… that took a hell of a lot of courage."

Ianto nodded slightly but he still looked despondent.

Jack grinned impishly. "Anyway, maybe you were just waiting for me to come along… I am irresistible after all. When you think about it, you really didn't stand a chance."

Ianto snorted but then smirked. "You're modest too."

Jack laughed. "Well, I've never had any complaints."

"So, it's all your fault then," Ianto said accusingly, but his eyes sparkled with humour. "You've corrupted me."

"Hmm. Well I am very good…" Jack paused and gave Ianto a deep, greedy kiss to prove his point. "But I don't think I'm _that_ good."

Ianto groaned and shook his head. Then with a small sigh he settled beside Jack and they lay there silently for several minutes, lost in their thoughts.

Eventually Jack spoke again, giving Ianto a gentle nudge. "So, is this something you'd like to do again?" he asked carefully.

"Yep," Ianto replied with the hint of a smile.

"Good." Jack smiled, surprised by how sure Ianto sounded. He was trying not to think about the enormous sense of relief he felt, and how his heart was doing something a bit weird. He squeezed Ianto's shoulder slightly. "Me too."

Ianto pulled away and looked at Jack in surprise. "You want to do this again? With me?" he asked.

"Absolutely. Only if you want to of course," Jack said hurriedly and then cringed inwardly at how needy he must have sounded.

"Yeah, I want to. I just assumed…" Ianto started awkwardly. "I thought that this would be a one-time thing."

"I suppose that's what I thought too." Jack shrugged a little. He paused as he tried to decide how to reassure his friend. "But I like being with you."

Ianto looked away, and then asked quietly, "So I… was it really okay? I, um… I don't exactly have a frame of reference here."

Jack chuckled. "You were amazing, Ianto," he replied as he cupped Ianto's face and tilted his head back to meet his gaze. "Trust me. You have nothing to worry about."

Ianto looked at him searchingly and then returned a small smile.

Jack looked at Ianto, properly studying his disheveled appearance. His hair was sticking out at odd angles, and it was so unlike how Jack was used to seeing him. It reminded him of the morning after their drinking binge at his apartment. He thought back to that first meeting in his office when he'd desperately wanted to ruffle up the immaculately groomed younger man. Back then, he never would have believed his wish was going to come true.

Ianto's face looked relaxed, and he looked younger and less haunted. Jack felt a stab of sadness overwhelm him as he realised that when he next saw Ianto, he would be shrouded in a pristine suit, with his impassive mask firmly back in place. He ran his fingertips down the side of Ianto's face, feeling the hint of stubble, as he traced Ianto's jaw line.

"I like you like this," he murmured as he scratched the pad of his thumb across Ianto's chin.

"I hate it," Ianto groaned, and Jack knew that he hadn't understood what he'd really meant.

He recovered quickly and gave a soft chuckle. "I guess it doesn't really fit with your image. But you look…"

"Scruffy," Ianto suggested.

"Gorgeous." Jack grinned widely.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jack," Ianto scoffed.

"I'm not! You're beautiful," Jack declared.

Ianto, somewhat predictably, rolled his eyes.

Jack smiled, and pulled Ianto in closer, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Ianto settled placidly against him and rested his head down on Jack's shoulder again. He could feel Ianto's breath ghost over his skin, and he found himself wishing that they could stay like this all day, safe and warm in each other's arms.

He realised that this hadn't been at all what he'd expected. It was so much better than he'd dared to imagine. Ianto was discovering a whole new side of himself, experiencing for the first time all the possibilities of intimacy with another man, and Jack felt deeply privileged to be the man with whom he'd chosen to do that.

Finally, Jack let out a heavy sigh. "I have to go," he murmured. "I need to get home and have a shower and change." He tilted his head down and met Ianto's eyes. "You'll be okay here?"

"Yep," Ianto confirmed. "I brought my work clothes with me. I'll get ready here and then go straight to the office."

Jack kissed him softly. "I'll see you at work then."

As Jack started to climb out of the bed, Ianto reached out and took his hand and squeezed it tightly. "Jack… thanks."

Jack smiled and was touched by the sincerity in Ianto's expression. He couldn't resist leaning back down and pressing a tender kiss to Ianto's forehead.

Reluctantly, he stood up, quickly recovered his scattered clothes and got dressed. He glanced once more at Ianto who was sitting up in the bed and watching him.

With a final smile, Jack walked out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Jack arrived at work and was surprised to find that Ianto was already there. Walking deliberately past Ianto's desk on the way to his office, he stopped for a moment and gazed at the Welshman. Ianto was sitting at his desk, immersed in his work, suited, and immaculately groomed as usual.

Ianto looked up and gave Jack a small nod in greeting. Then he returned to his work. With an inward sigh, Jack made his way into his office and slumped down into his chair.

Jack felt conflicted. He wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Ianto was a consummate professional, so he had no concerns about their after-hours activities bleeding into their working relationship. But that was also the problem. He'd seen a different side of the Welshman both on the previous evening and earlier that morning, and to see him revert so rapidly to his impassive persona was almost heartbreaking.

Despite their growing closeness, he still didn't know what had happened in Ianto's past; at least not the full story. He wanted to understand the source of Ianto's pain, but he didn't know if Ianto would ever allow him to get close enough for that. And even if Ianto did, Jack wasn't sure if he should allow himself to get any closer to the younger man. The situation was complicated enough already.

He'd started with good intentions, wanting to give Ianto the opportunity to explore his sexuality while feeling safe and cared for. It was meant to be simple – no strings attached, no complications. He hadn't planned on his feelings getting in the way. He liked Ianto as a colleague and friend, and now as a lover as well.

Jack found himself wanting this to be the start of something, not the end. But he didn't want to risk losing Ianto's friendship either, somewhat tentative though it was.

Cursing himself for being a sentimental fool, he pushed his confused thoughts aside and got on with his day.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon. Jack and Ianto were sitting in Jack's office, discussing the status of the latest work on the project.

Six days had passed, and neither of them had mentioned their night together. It was almost as though it had never happened. Jack was starting to worry that Ianto was regretting it, or if not, that he simply had no desire for a repeat performance. He decided that he needed to find out.

"So, Ianto," he began, keeping his voice low. "I was thinking… maybe, we could… get some dinner tonight… then, um… have some fun?" he asked, inwardly cringing at how ridiculous he must have sounded. He was a worldly thirty-plus year old man, and he was acting like an insecure teenager. Ianto seemed to have that affect on him, always keeping him unsure and slightly off balance.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Are you propositioning me, Jack?" he said seriously, but Jack could see a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

"Maybe," Jack hedged, not quite sure where this was going. "Interested?"

"Yep," Ianto agreed quickly. "Just as long as we're clear this isn't a date."

Jack grinned and almost sighed with relief. "Absolutely. Definitely not a date."

Ianto booked a room for them at the St. David's again, and at Jack's insistence, ordered an extravagant dinner from the room service menu.

The atmosphere was more relaxed this time. The anticipation was still present, heavy and arousing, but there was less of their previous nervousness.

Almost the moment they'd finished eating, they were frantically pulling off each other's clothes, their mouths colliding hungrily. Eventually they pulled apart, both panting heavily. Jack was stunned by the sheer intensity of his desire. He stared deeply into Ianto's lust darkened eyes, and Ianto returned his gaze with a degree of certainty that Jack hadn't expected.

Jack started to ask Ianto what he wanted when the Welshman placed a finger to Jack's lips, shaking his head. "It's your turn tonight, Jack. Tell me what you want."

For perhaps the first time in his life, Jack was lost for words. All he knew was that he greedily wanted everything that Ianto was willing to offer.

Later that evening, they collapsed together onto the bed in a pile of tangled limbs.

"Wow, that was…" Jack gasped, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

"Oh, yeah," Ianto moaned, equally breathless.

They turned to look at each other and then burst into laughter. Jack's heart did that weird thing again, and he felt elated at having produced this uncharacteristic response from the stoic younger man. Jack pulled Ianto close and kissed him with all of the passion and intensity he could muster.

It was the first time that Jack had heard Ianto genuinely laugh; not just a wry chuckle, but a full blown laugh with nothing held back. And in that moment, Jack thought that it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

A few minutes later, Ianto turned and looked at Jack, giving him a nudge with his elbow. "Again?" he suggested, a hint of challenge in his voice.

Jack lifted himself up and rested on his elbows. He looked at Ianto with wide eyes. "I've created a monster," he teased.

Ianto leapt up and straddled Jack's hips. "I didn't hear you complaining earlier," Ianto retorted, grinning down at the older man.

"Oh, no complaints here," Jack assured him. He tilted his head up to meet Ianto's lips.

Ianto sighed as they broke apart. "Well, if you can't keep up…"

"Cheeky brat," Jack laughed as he pulled Ianto down to lay on top of him and then flipped them over. "You should be more worried about your own stamina, Mister Jones."

Ianto moaned deeply as Jack rubbed against him. "You're going to need all your strength," he whispered seductively into Ianto's ear. "Because I'm just getting warmed up."

Jack felt Ianto shiver beneath him as he captured his mouth again in a deep, languid kiss.

* * *

The following morning, they were lying together quietly. Jack had his arm around Ianto's shoulders, cradling the younger man close to him, his other hand stroking lazily over Ianto's hip and down his thigh.

"What was your first time like?" Ianto asked softly, his fingers trailing across Jack's stomach. "With a man," he clarified.

"Kind of terrifying," Jack began with a chuckle. "But it wasn't so bad. Cute guy named James. Don't remember his last name. Neither of us had been with a guy before so it was all over pretty quickly. It was during my first year at university." He paused in thought. "I'd fooled around with guys before that, but I'd never gone all the way. It wasn't… well it wasn't what I'd call particularly memorable, and we never saw each other again. I suppose that's not so unusual for a first time."

Ianto hummed in agreement. "If you hadn't come along," he began hesitantly. "I don't know if I ever would have been with a man, and I would have always wondered… I've never really done casual sex before."

Jack cringed inwardly at Ianto's somewhat callous description, even though, technically, it was correct. "Do you regret it?" he asked apprehensively.

"No," Ianto replied without hesitation. "Being with you… it wasn't some impersonal shag…" He turned his head to glance up at Jack, and then turned away again. "I'm glad it was with you, Jack."

"I wanted it to be good for you," Jack murmured as he reached up and stroked his hand gently across Ianto's cheek.

They were silent for several minutes. Jack was just enjoying being close to the other man. But his curiosity was getting the better of him as it often did, so he decided to push just a little.

"You're not happy are you?" he asked as gently as he could.

Ianto tensed. "Specifically or in general?" he asked cautiously.

Jack shrugged. "In general."

"Are you happy, Jack?" Ianto deflected.

"I'm happier than I used to be," Jack replied casually. "It's all relative I suppose." He paused for a moment and then added, "You deserve to be happy, Ianto."

"Do I?" Ianto said with some bitterness, pulling away from Jack. "Anyway, we don't always get what we deserve." His voice was harsh and he moved further away.

"True enough," Jack said neutrally, trying to hide his disappointment at the loss of contact. "You told me there was no one, but was there someone once?"

Ianto nodded but didn't meet his eyes.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"It's… complicated."

Jack grasped Ianto's hand and squeezed it gently. "Will you tell me about it?"

Ianto shook his head fiercely. "I… I can't." The pain had returned to his features, and he looked at Jack miserably.

Jack nodded in acceptance and forced his features into an understanding smile as he clamped down on his frustration. He pulled Ianto back and held him close.

* * *

Several weeks passed, and they'd quickly fallen into a routine of sorts, usually managing to spend a night together each week. Other times they spent together were simply sharing a meal or going to the pub for a drink after work.

Jack was feeling the pressure of his job as their first deadline loomed closer, whereas Ianto seemed to take it all in his stride. Jack envied Ianto's seemingly effortless composure. But he had their nights together to look forward to. He relished those precious hours where he could let go, surrendering to the pleasure and comfort he found with the Welshman.

Ianto was economical with words. It wasn't so much that he was shy, he could be vocal and forthright when he needed to be, but he wasn't really a talker. Unlike Jack, who had been told more than a few times throughout his life that he liked the sound of his own voice just a little too much. But Ianto was different, and he seemed to have no desire to fill the air with meaningless words. When he had something to say, he said it, and when Ianto did speak, Jack found himself not only listening, but listening carefully.

Although the younger man didn't share Jack's natural effusiveness, he was an attentive listener, and Jack never felt that Ianto wasn't paying attention or that he was simply indulging Jack in his idle ramblings. When Ianto's soulful eyes were fixed upon him, Jack had little doubt that Ianto was seeing his true nature, and not just the flirtatious persona he projected to the world.

Somehow, they seemed to balance each other out, and Jack had missed having someone he could trust and talk to candidly.

During one of their nights together, Jack found himself opening up and confiding in Ianto about his life before Cardiff. He talked about John, the guilt he kept buried, and his feelings of inadequacy at not being able to help his friend get better. He talked about his father and how he'd struggled to overcome his intense grief when he'd passed away. He talked about his childhood and his estranged relationship with his brother. And he talked about his life in London, why he'd needed to escape, and how he'd ended up in Wales.

He shed some tears during all of this, and Ianto had listened compassionately and offered quiet comfort and gentle words of reassurance. At one point he started murmuring softly in Welsh, lulling Jack slowly into sleep. And afterwards, Jack had felt a sense of lightness and contentment that he hadn't known in a long time.

As reluctant as Jack was to admit it, something had been missing from his life, and without even realising that it had been absent until now, it had quietly fallen into place.

He'd found a best friend.

* * *

"What's going on with you?" Owen asked as he looked at Ianto suspiciously.

They were sitting in their usual spot at the nearby pub, with pints of beer in front of them. Owen had visited their office to help with some more interface designs. Once they were done, Jack had insisted that Ianto finish up early for the day, and Owen had cheerfully dragged him to the pub.

"Nothing," Ianto replied nonchalantly. "Why?"

"There's something different about you," Owen persisted as he continued to scrutinise his friend thoughtfully.

"No, there isn't," Ianto answered neutrally, looking down at the table before taking a mouthful of beer.

"You've gone and got yourself laid haven't you!" Owen announced with a smug look.

"I haven't," Ianto replied just a little too quickly as he shook his head.

"You can't fool me, mate," Owen said confidently, a grin spreading across his face. Then his grin turned sly. "Did that smarmy Captain Jack make a move?" he teased.

"Of course not!" Ianto snapped emphatically as he glared at Owen.

Owen watched Ianto carefully and almost dropped his glass as he saw the tips of the other mans ears start to colour. "Bloody hell!" he almost shouted. "He did, didn't he?"

Ianto ducked his head and then looked up at Owen with a pained expression. "It's not like that," he said quietly.

"But you and he…?" Owen pressed.

Ianto just nodded slightly, a despondent expression clouding his features.

"So did he…" Owen began.

"Yep," Ianto answered.

"And did you…" Owen continued.

Ianto's mouth turned upwards in a slight smile. "Yeah."

"Bloody hell! Didn't know you had it in you! You and Jack Flash. Who would have thought?" Owen crowed.

"Hey!" Ianto retorted, looking outraged.

"Sorry, mate," Owen started, but not looking the least bit apologetic. "But you said it yourself, you don't do casual."

Ianto sighed. "It's just sex, Owen. We just…" he paused as if searching for an appropriate word. "We… dabble."

"With a bloke," Owen confirmed.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Obviously."

"So, what was it like? Dabbling with Jack?" Owen asked, looking at Ianto inquisitively.

"Good," Ianto replied blandly.

"Just good?" Owen teased.

"Really good," Ianto answered, the corners of his mouth curling upwards again. "Innovative," he added, his eyes seeming to glaze over for a moment.

"Bloody hell!" Owen exclaimed. "So, this was just a one-time thing?"

"Er, well…" Ianto hedged. "Not exactly."

Owen's eyes went wide. "Bloody hell!"

"Would you stop saying that!" Ianto hissed.

Owen had the grace to look apologetic this time. "Sorry, I'm just a bit… I mean… you said you're not…"

"I'm not," Ianto stated firmly, cutting him off.

"He didn't… force you into anything?" Owen asked, suddenly feeling concerned. Ianto was still vulnerable, and if Jack had taken advantage of his friend, Owen would have a few choice words to say to the pretentious American.

"No, of course not," Ianto said vehemently. "It wasn't like that. He offered, but he never pressured me. He was nice about it. And I thought about what you said, so…" He shrugged. "I accepted."

Owen nodded. "But doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Ianto confirmed. "But he says they're not exclusive. I don't know. Seems weird to me."

"Anyway, not your problem." Owen waved his hand dismissively. "But you like him, right?"

"We're just friends, Owen. We're not bloody dating. It's just a bit of fun, and I know it won't last. Anyway, I don't want a relationship."

Owen nodded. "Good for you, mate. Really."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall something about doctor's orders."

Owen gave a low chuckle. "Yeah, well, I never thought you'd actually take my advice."

"You can't tell anyone, Owen," Ianto said, lowering his voice. "Not even Katie. No one can know. If anyone at work found out…"

"All right, scout's honour," Owen said, raising the palm of his hand.

"Were you ever a scout?" Ianto eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend suspiciously.

"Nah," Owen grinned. "But you know, patient confidentiality and all that. I know how to hold my tongue."

"Thanks," Ianto said, looking relieved.

Owen nodded as he was momentarily lost in thought. Then he looked at Ianto curiously. "So, where do you do it? Does he go to yours?"

"Hotel," Ianto said. "Better that way. Less complicated."

"Yeah, can't really imagine you going for it in some dark alley," Owen said with a grin. "Oh, God, I can't look at you now without thinking of the two of you shagging like rabbits," he added as a look of horror spread across his face.

"Jealous, Owen?" Ianto asked in a teasing tone. "I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind you joining in sometime if you ask nicely."

"No bloody way!" Owen retorted. "As it is, I need brain bleach." He paused and looked at Ianto with concern. "You know he's a player?"

Ianto shrugged. "I suppose," he said neutrally.

"I should know, I used to be one," Owen stated. "Just don't get attached, that's all I'm saying. Have fun with him, but be ready to move on when the time comes. Sooner or later, he'll get bored and set his sights on someone else. No offence mate, he just doesn't seem the type to hang around."

"It's fine, Owen," Ianto assured him. "I can take care of myself."

Owen smiled. "Course you can. Just be careful, yeah?"

Ianto nodded and they finished their drinks in silence.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Jack was starting to worry.

Ianto hadn't shown up for work that morning. That in itself, while highly unusual, wasn't of particular cause for concern. Tosh had received a call from Ianto, and he'd said that he was feeling a bit under the weather, but that he would be back at work the following day. She had relayed the message to Jack. And while she hadn't said anything further, he hadn't missed the hint of anxiety in her eyes.

Feeling somewhat concerned, Jack had tried to phone Ianto several times during the day to check on him. He'd also sent an email and a couple of text messages. Ianto hadn't responded. Jack almost convinced himself that Ianto was probably just sleeping or didn't have his phone nearby. But he kept thinking about the day before. Ianto had seemed a bit off. To the casual observer, he had appeared to be his usual stoic, calm and unflappable self, but Jack had spent a lot of time studying the Welshman, and he was becoming more adept at recognising the flaws in Ianto's near perfect façade. And Ianto had definitely seemed to be distracted and on edge.

By late afternoon, Jack's mild concern was escalating into something more serious.

Twenty minutes later, he found himself banging loudly on Ianto's front door, with absolutely no regard for the neighbours and the noise he was making. He was almost ready to give up when finally the door cracked open.

"Jack, what are you doing here?" Ianto asked through the small opening, his voice sounding strained and uneven.

"Checking on you," Jack replied tersely. "What's going on, Ianto? Why haven't you answered any of my calls?"

"My phone's turned off," Ianto replied curtly.

"Are you all right?" Jack asked in a softer tone as he noticed Ianto's unkempt appearance and ashen complexion. Jack's wasn't in the least bit relieved to realise that his anxiety had not been unfounded. Something was definitely wrong.

"Just go away, Jack. Please. I'll see you tomorrow," Ianto said wearily and started to close the door.

Jack stubbornly shoved his foot into the gap between the door and its frame. "You didn't answer my question. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay," he said determinedly.

Ianto glared at him irritably. "I'm fine. Move your bloody foot."

"I don't believe you," Jack retorted with a shake of his head. "Just let me in for five minutes. Then if you're okay, I'll leave."

They stared fiercely at each other for a long moment.

"Fine," Ianto huffed, breaking eye contact and turning away. He retreated, leaving the door ajar. Jack entered cautiously and closed the door behind him.

Ianto had moved to the sofa. He was sitting there, a sullen expression on his face, and he was very deliberately not looking at Jack. He didn't seem to be looking at anything.

Jack shrugged off his jacket, hanging it by the door and then kicked off his shoes. Remaining near the entrance, he took in the other man's appearance in more detail. Ianto was dressed in a grey long sleeved t-shirt and dark blue pyjama bottoms, he was unshaven and his hair was unruly. His eyes were dull and red rimmed, and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. He seemed lifeless and diminished. Jack was struggling to reconcile the man in front of him with the alluring and fastidious man he knew as his colleague and friend.

"How about I make us some coffee?" Jack suggested, unsure what to do now that he was actually inside. Ianto just waved his hand dismissively. With a heavy sigh, Jack moved into the kitchen.

Returning to the living area a few minutes later, Jack placed two mugs of fresh coffee on the low table in front of the sofa. Sitting down next to Ianto, but keeping some distance between them, he reached for his mug and took a couple of sips. "So, are you going to tell me what's going on?" he eventually asked.

Ianto shook his head. "Just drink your coffee and go," he said resignedly. "I'll be back at work tomorrow."

Jack slammed down his coffee mug in frustration. "Damn it, Ianto. I don't care about goddamn work," he growled. "I'm here because I care about you. Is that really so difficult to get through that thick Welsh skull of yours?"

Jack moved closer and grabbed Ianto's hand, holding it tightly. With his other hand, he cupped Ianto's chin and turned his head so their eyes met. "Just tell me what's going on," he pleaded, softening his voice. "Whatever it is, I'll help. You must know by now that you can trust me."

Ianto glared at Jack defiantly, his body coiled and rigid. Jack instinctively braced himself, and he wondered if his jaw was about to become intimately acquainted with a hard and very angry fist. It was always difficult to tell with Ianto. His expression could be so unreadable that sometimes Jack had thought it was as likely that he was going to be kissed to within an inch of his life as it was that he'd be pummelled into next week. And he'd often thought that Ianto would have a brutal right hook. Under different circumstances, he might have found that to be quite a turn on.

He tried to keep his features relaxed as he held Ianto's stare. He hoped that he was projecting only compassion and concern, but a feeling of dread consumed him.

Then, suddenly all the fight seemed to leave Ianto's body. His shoulders began to shake. A moment later, his face collapsed and he began to cry. His body trembled and the tears rapidly turned into great gasping sobs.

Jack looked at his friend in shock, but he recovered quickly and gathered Ianto into his arms.

He held onto Ianto firmly and tried to comfort him. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he murmured into his ear. "I've got you… whatever's wrong, it will be okay."

It was several minutes later before the tears subsided and Ianto started to calm down. He pulled away from Jack and blindly reached towards the table, grabbing something white and fluffy and pulling it tight against his chest as he buried his face into it.

Jack hadn't noticed the object earlier, he'd been too focused on Ianto. But on closer inspection, he realized it was a rather adorable stuffed toy bear, dressed in a little blue jacket and matching cap. He stared at Ianto in bewilderment, having no idea what was going on.

He reached out and gently touched the soft, white fur. "What's this?" he asked gently.

"I bought it yesterday," Ianto croaked. Then he looked up at Jack in abject misery. "For my son's first birthday."

Jack's mouth dropped open and he stared at Ianto. He was sure that he must have misheard. "Wait, you have a son?" he asked in confusion.

"I… I should have," Ianto mumbled as he pulled his legs up and curled in upon himself.

Jack was becoming seriously worried. Ianto looked so bereft and lost, and he was clinging tightly to the plush bear as if it was the only tenuous link to his sanity. He shook his head, none of this was making any sense. No one had said anything about Ianto having a child, and it wasn't the sort of thing that people usually kept hidden.

"I'm sorry Ianto, I don't understand," he said quietly.

Ianto looked up then. "He… died," he whispered, turning away, his face twisted in pain.

Jack was starting to get a sick feeling in his stomach. He placed his hand on Ianto's arm and rubbed soothingly. He asked gently, "What happened?"

"Lisa… my girlfriend… ex-girlfriend. She was pregnant. It was a boy." Ianto hugged the bear even tighter. "But something went wrong. She had a miscarriage… he died."

Jack felt his chest tighten at the pain in Ianto's voice. He had never really thought about wanting children himself, he'd never thought that he'd be cut out for it. He was too much of a big kid himself a lot of the time. But Ianto on the other hand, would have made… would make… an incredible father. "Oh, God, Ianto. I'm so sorry," he murmured.

Ianto's eyes filled with tears again as he looked up at Jack. "He should have been born a year ago. It should be his first birthday today." His voice broke and his body heaved with another gut-wrenching sob.

Jack's throat constricted, and he could feel his own eyes starting to fill. He pulled Ianto close and the younger man buried his face against Jack's shoulder.

"I thought she was…" Ianto began unevenly as he snuffled into Jack's shirt. "I thought we were happy. It was all I wanted, Jack… to be married… to have a family. I'd always thought how brilliant it would be to have a son…" Ianto stopped as his voice broke again and another ragged sob overcame him.

Jack could feel his own tears trailing down his cheeks and falling into Ianto's hair. If Ianto had noticed, he didn't react. Jack just kept holding onto the Welshman, rubbing his hand gently across Ianto's back to sooth him. He remained silent, sensing that Ianto needed to finish unburdening himself.

"I was so happy when I found out," Ianto continued a few moments later in a hoarse whisper. "I thought it was what she wanted too. She said it was. But she didn't want to tell anyone. Then, afterwards… she changed, we were always fighting… she said I had pressured her, that she hadn't been ready to settle down. She said that it was too much and that she… that she didn't love me anymore."

Ianto stopped, and there was a long silence punctuated only by his muffed sobbing. "Ianto?" Jack prompted softly.

Ianto lifted his head and turned away, gazing down at his hands. "She left me. I came home one day and she was gone. I found out later that she'd been seeing someone else…"

Jack still had his arm around Ianto, and he gave the other man's shoulder a gentle squeeze. Ianto seemed to recover slightly and he continued in a low murmur. "I loved her. She meant everything to me… when she left, I wanted to die. I thought I had nothing left. I was going to…"

He stopped with a shake of his head, as if trying to banish the dark thoughts. Jack winced as his mind filled in the gaps and he remembered what Tosh had told him. "I went away for a while," Ianto continued jaggedly. "Owen took me to a place… Providence Park… I got some help…"

Ianto looked up at Jack again, his expression tortured and his eyes filled with despair. "But the pain never goes away," he whispered.

Jack didn't have any words. He had never been someone who offered hollow platitudes, and he felt sure that Ianto would resent them anyway. He just pulled Ianto closer and wrapped him in a tight hug. He just wanted to take Ianto's pain away, even if only for a little while. "I'm so sorry," he repeated softly.

There was silence, and after several minutes, Ianto's breathing became more even and the fierce grip of his hands loosened. He was sleeping. The fluffy white bear slipped from his fingers and dropped down onto the floor.

Jack looked down. Lifeless, glassy, brown eyes stared back at him, and it felt like they were drilling into his soul, taunting him. He pressed a tender kiss to Ianto's forehead and buried his face in the other man's hair. He closed his eyes.

A couple of hours passed. The room was darker now. His body ached and his bladder felt uncomfortably full, but he didn't move or let go. If he could do nothing else, he could at least make sure that Ianto wasn't alone. Maybe Ianto wouldn't feel like he had to hide himself from Jack anymore and it would all just be a little bit more bearable.

Eventually Ianto stirred. He pulled away slightly and looked up Jack with unfocused, pain infused eyes.

Jack reached up and caressed Ianto's cheek. For just a moment, Ianto leaned into the touch. But then he pulled further back and looked away. "You should go," he muttered. "I'll be okay."

"I'm not leaving you, Ianto. Not like this," Jack said resolutely. Ianto looked at him warily. "I'm here now, so let me look after you. Even if it's just for a little while."

After a long moment, Ianto sighed and gave a slight nod. "Okay," he said, not seeming to have the will to argue.

It was a tiny victory, but Jack was grateful for it. Despite Ianto's stubbornness and fierce self-reliance, Jack was starting to realise that sometimes Ianto needed someone to take care of him. He needed someone to step in and give him permission to relinquish control.

He squeezed Ianto's hand. "Why don't you take a hot shower, or maybe a bath? I'll organize some dinner for us."

"I'm not hungry," Ianto replied tiredly.

"Neither am I, but I think we both need something," Jack insisted. "And we could both use a drink," he added with a wry smile.

He squeezed Ianto's hand again in reassurance. Ianto looked down at the floor, noticing the bear still laying there. "Can you…" he murmured. "I don't want to see it again."

Jack nodded in reply. Ianto stood and shuffled out of the room.

Leaning back into the sofa, Jack let out a heavy sigh. His mind was reeling. He slowly stood up. His legs were aching and a bit unsteady. Reaching down, he roughly grabbed the bear and moved off towards the kitchen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Jack turned off Ianto's television with the remote, and checked his watch. It was just past midnight. Ianto was dozing, curled up next to him, his head resting on a cushion on Jack's lap. His face was relaxed, and Jack marvelled at how peaceful he looked like this; the emptiness, despair and pain erased from his features.

Ianto looked so young and innocent. He seemed far too young to be weighed down by so much sadness. Jack's heart ached for Ianto's grief, and for the life that he had lost. As Jack watched the younger man, he wondered if Ianto was dreaming and what he might be dreaming about. Perhaps within the realms of his subconscious, Ianto found the peace that seemed to elude him in the real world.

While Jack was lost in his thoughts, Ianto snuffled a little and then his eyes blinked open. He looked up at Jack hazily.

"Hey," Jack murmured as he stroked his hand through Ianto's soft hair. "It's getting late. Ready to go to bed?"

Ianto nodded sleepily and eased himself upright. Jack stood and stretched out his limbs, yawning widely. He helped Ianto to his feet and they moved slowly towards the bedroom. Ianto was emotionally exhausted and not especially lucid, so Jack kept an arm firmly around his waist and gently guided him towards the bed.

Jack carefully removed the jeans, socks, and black t-shirt that Ianto had dressed in after his bath earlier, leaving him in just his underwear. Jack pulled back the covers and helped Ianto to settle in. Kneeling beside him, Jack traced his fingers along Ianto's cheek, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Sleep well," Jack said softly. "Call out if you need anything, okay?"

Standing up, he began to move back towards the living room. "Jack?" he heard Ianto murmur. Jack turned around and looked into Ianto's sorrowful eyes. "Stay… please."

"Are you sure?" Jack asked carefully. He'd planned to sleep on the sofa, not wanting Ianto to think he had any thoughts of taking advantage of the situation or of Ianto's fragile emotional state.

"Yeah," Ianto mumbled. "I… I need you…" He tentatively reached his arm out towards Jack. "I don't want to be alone."

Jack was surprised by Ianto's uncharacteristic admission. It was so unlike him to admit that he needed anything or to show any sign of weakness. But the intensity of Ianto's grief had apparently stripped away all of his carefully built defences. The unguarded vulnerability in Ianto's plea caused Jack's heart to constrict, and a wave of compassion swept over him.

He hovered uncertainly for a moment, torn between wanting to comfort Ianto, and trying to respect their carefully established boundaries. Until now, all intimacies between them had been on firmly neutral ground, and he didn't want to make things more complicated than they already were. The last thing he wanted was for Ianto to wake up in the morning and regret having allowed Jack to share his bed. But he quickly realised that there was no choice. Ianto needed him.

Jack nodded. He turned off the light and moved back towards the bed, quickly discarding his shirt, trousers and socks. Leaving his underwear on, he slipped beneath the covers beside Ianto. Grasping Ianto's hand, he shuffled closer, and wrapped himself around the Welshman. He held their intertwined hands tightly against Ianto's chest.

The feel of Ianto's warm, soft skin against his own comforted him and he began to relax. He kissed Ianto's neck tenderly and whispered, "Okay?"

"Mmm-hmm," Ianto replied languidly as he nestled in closer. "You're so warm." He gave a strange little sigh. "Don't let go, Jack."

"I won't," Jack assured him. "I'll be right here, I promise."

* * *

Jack woke the following morning and found that he was alone. He panicked for a moment, but then he heard music playing softly through the closed bedroom door. Ianto was playing the piano. Jack didn't recognise the song, but it sounded melancholy yet undeniably beautiful. Quickly climbing out of bed, he found his shirt and slipped it on, not bothering to button it, and padded out of the room.

He made his way to the living room and stood silently in the doorway as he watched Ianto play. He closed his eyes and the music enveloped him, the sorrowful melody seeming to be a manifestation of Ianto's pain. After Ianto brought the song to a close, Jack moved forward and rested his hand on Ianto's shoulder.

"That was beautiful," he said quietly. "I love watching you play."

Ianto looked up at him, and Jack saw the tears welling up in his eyes. Jack sat down next to him on the piano stool and pulled him into a hug.

"Did you sleep okay?" Jack asked softly. He reached up and wiped a stray tear from Ianto's face with the pad of his thumb.

Ianto nodded. "I woke up about an hour ago." He gestured at the piano. "It helps me to relax… to settle my thoughts."

Jack took a moment to study the younger man. His eyes were puffy, and he still looked exhausted. He obviously needed more sleep, and Jack was determined to keep a close eye on him over the coming days.

Ianto rested his head on Jack's shoulder, and they sat there for a few minutes in silence.

"So, I was thinking," Jack began. "How about we take the day off and go somewhere? Just get in the car and drive. Doesn't matter where we go, anywhere you like. We can get some of that fresh Welsh air and go for a walk or something."

"Jack, we can't…" Ianto started to protest.

"The office can survive without us for one day. We'll be back there tomorrow," Jack stated emphatically. "Besides, do you really feel up to going back today?"

"No," Ianto admitted, shaking his head.

Jack smiled reassuringly. "I'll phone Tosh and tell her to cover for us. I'll just have to go home first and get changed. Then I'll meet you back here and we can head off."

"All right," Ianto agreed.

Jack felt relieved. He hadn't expected Ianto to acquiesce so willingly. "How about some breakfast first?" he suggested. "You can make me some of that fabulous coffee of yours," he added hopefully. Jack knew he could be a bit of a monster in the mornings before his caffeine fix.

Ianto nodded. "Jack?" he said tentatively.

"Yeah?" Jack asked.

Ianto looked at him, his expression unreadable. "Thanks."

* * *

Ianto had decided that he wanted to go to the beach, so they drove to Porthcawl and began walking along the shoreline. The weather was fine but brisk; the sun was struggling to push through the heavy clouds overhead while a slightly chilly sea breeze whipped around them.

After breakfast, Jack had quickly driven back to his apartment, then showered and changed into casual clothes. He'd left a note for Gwen saying he was on an impromptu business trip, and he'd thrown some work clothes and his toiletries into an overnight bag and dumped it in the boot of his car to substantiate the pretence. Lastly, he'd phoned Tosh and told her they would both be absent from the office for the day. He'd reassured her that Ianto was okay, but he explained that he didn't want to leave the Welshman alone. Then he'd driven back to Ianto's flat and they'd set off.

They walked in comfortable silence, the coastline stretching out before them. Jack hadn't been here before, and found himself enjoying the peace and isolation. It was different to the beaches he'd been to in the past. This one was wilder and relatively untouched. There was no one else within sight, just the two of them walking side by side.

Jack moved his hand towards Ianto's and intertwined their fingers. Ianto's hand tensed, but he didn't immediately pull away as Jack had expected.

"There's no one here to see us," Jack said, squeezing Ianto's hand gently. "Just for today. Just to remind you that you're not alone."

Ianto lifted his gaze from the sand and looked at him, a trace of confusion in his features. "Okay," he replied after a moment with a slight hint of a smile.

Jack felt Ianto give his hand a cautious squeeze in return and they continued walking.

Eventually they stopped, sat down in the soft sand, and watched as the waves crashed relentlessly into shore. Ianto shivered, and Jack pulled him into an embrace, wrapping his arm around Ianto's waist and holding him close.

"The pain… it won't always be like this," Jack began hesitantly. He turned and looked at Ianto thoughtfully, his mind going back to a time when he was consumed by his own intense despair. "When my dad died, I was so angry. I'd just turned twenty-two, and I felt like I'd been cheated, that we all had been. It didn't seem like we'd had enough time together…"

He paused as he traced back through that darker time in his life. "I lost myself for a long time after that. He'd always supported me, always encouraged me to be myself, to live my own life. He'd always seemed so proud of me, no matter what I did."

"Do you still miss him?" Ianto asked, turning to look into his eyes.

"Yeah," Jack said sadly. "I always will, I suppose. I miss not being able to talk to him. But I'm grateful for the time we had with him."

Ianto nodded as he turned away again and stared out to the horizon. "My father always pushed me too hard," he said with a trace of bitterness. "I was a disappointment to him. For a long time, I hated him for that. I never felt like I was good enough."

"I've always thought that must be the hardest thing for a parent to do," Jack mused. "To let go, and not put pressure on their children to be more than they are. Maybe your dad just wanted more for you… more than what he had?"

"I eventually realised that," Ianto agreed with a slight nod. He scooped up some sand and watched as it slipped through his fingers. "Too late, though. It was hard for him after mum passed away. He was never the same. But underneath it all, he was a good man. He tried to do his best for us."

"Like you," Jack said as he looked at Ianto fondly.

Ianto looked up sharply. "Sorry?"

Jack smiled. "You're a good man, Ianto. Tosh once told me that."

"She told me the same thing about you," Ianto returned with a ghost of a smile. "She was worried that we weren't going to be able to work together."

Jack chuckled. "I wonder what she'd think if she saw us now." He paused and added more seriously, "She really cares about you, you know."

Ianto gave a small sigh. "I know. I don't make it easy for her I suppose, but she's always been a good friend."

Jack took Ianto's hand and gripped it earnestly. "You have people who care about you, Ianto," he said. "People who want you to be happy. Don't forget that."

"I don't. But it's just that…"

Jack nodded. "We can't understand what you've been through. I get that." He paused and then asked carefully, "Do you still want to be a parent one day?"

Ianto was silent for a long moment. He frowned and seemed lost in thought. "Honestly? I don't know. I'm not sure what I want anymore… I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to go through that again."

"For what it's worth, I think you will be," Jack said with conviction. "That was one of the first things I noticed about you that day when we first talked in my office. You're resilient. And you're still young, you've got plenty of time."

"Maybe," Ianto allowed, but didn't sound convinced.

"Anyway, you're learning new things about yourself," Jack continued and then grinned. "Who knows, maybe you'll find yourself a hot Welshman, or a beautiful Welshwoman, and live happily ever after."

Ianto snorted. "Now you're being ridiculous," he retorted, but there was no malice in his words. "And if I ended up with a bloke, I'd never be a parent then."

Jack shrugged unashamedly. "There are always options. Adoption or a surrogate. Maybe it wouldn't be easy, but if you want it badly enough…" He trailed off.

"Do you really believe that?" Ianto asked curiously.

Jack chuckled slightly. "Funnily enough, yeah, I think I do," he said, surprisingly himself.

They sat in silence then, staying close to one another. Eventually Jack declared that he was hungry, and they slowly made their way back to the car. Jack drove them to a pub they'd spotted earlier, and they had a late lunch. Ianto was subdued while they ate, and Jack was content just to let him be.

They spent another hour or so wandering around some local shops and then drove back home.

* * *

Ianto unlocked the door to his flat and walked in, closing the door behind Jack. He moved over to the sofa and collapsed down onto it with a weary sigh.

Jack moved to join him after hanging up his jacket and pulling off his shoes. Ianto looked upwards and into Jack's eyes. "Are you staying again tonight?" he asked with a hint of something in his voice that Jack couldn't discern, accompanied by a slight frown.

Jack sat down next to him. "I'd like to," he hedged cautiously. "If that's okay with you?"

Apparently Ianto didn't have any objections because the next thing Jack knew, the younger man had pounced on him and engulfed his mouth in a hungry, demanding kiss. Jack quickly recovered from his surprise and began to return the kiss with equal enthusiasm. Then Ianto was on his feet and dragging Jack towards the bedroom.

Before Jack's brain could catch up and form a coherent thought, they were both naked and sprawled on the bed, touching and kissing desperately.

"Ianto, are you sure?" Jack asked worriedly as he pulled away, realising that it was probably a bit too late to be asking that particular question.

"Yes," Ianto replied quietly but with certainty. "I want to feel good. Just for tonight, I don't want to think about anything else." He paused and frowned worriedly. "If you want that too?"

Jack smiled and stroked Ianto's cheek reassuringly. "Yeah, I want that too," he replied with a warm smile, understanding Ianto's need to banish his pain for at least a little while. "Let me take care of you." He leaned back in and kissed Ianto deeply.

Their previous times together had always been filled with need and passion, yet tempered with intimacy and tenderness. This time was different. As they lost themselves in each other, Jack found himself feeling an intensity of emotion that transcended his physical desires.

Afterwards, he reflected that as much as he loathed the expression, he could think of nothing else that accurately described this new experience between them.

He and Ianto had made love for the first time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:**

This chapter concludes the first half of the story. After this one, there are 15 more chapters plus an epilogue. Thanks so much to everyone who have taken the time to read this, alerted or added it to their favourites. Extra thanks to those who have so generously provided feedback. I really do appreciate it. If you haven't had a chance to review yet, please let me know what you think so far. Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Thanks to my amazing beta Prothrombintime.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

They returned to work the following day. Ianto was dressed in one of his habitual immaculate suits, and his impassive mask was carefully in place. But Jack found that it was now easier for him to see beyond the mask. He could recognise it for what it was.

Jack had reservations about Ianto returning to work, but the other man had been stubbornly adamant, as usual. Jack had known that it was an argument he couldn't win, and in the end, he had accepted that it was better for Ianto to be occupied than to be at home with only his grief for companionship. As concerned as Jack was, he couldn't help but admire Ianto's fortitude.

For the next few days, Jack surreptitiously kept a close eye on Ianto. He didn't coddle him or act overtly – he knew that would only irritate the Welshman. But he watched carefully for any sign of distress or subtle indication that Ianto wasn't coping.

He hadn't stayed overnight at Ianto's again that week, but on Saturday, Jack managed to drag Ianto along on a shopping expedition for the afternoon. He'd been worried about Ianto being alone all weekend. Ianto had complained quite vocally as Jack had hauled him from one store to the next, but Jack had been completely unrepentant. He'd even succeeded in coercing Ianto into buying a rather spectacular deep red shirt and coordinating tie. Eventually they'd made it back to Ianto's flat. Then they'd had dinner and spent several pleasurable hours together before Jack had reluctantly returned home.

Jack had also started making sure that Ianto ate lunch each day. Sometimes he'd nonchalantly deliver food to his desk. Other times they'd eat together in his office under the guise of a working lunch, or they'd go out and pick up something and sit together by the bay. Ianto rarely said anything about it, but he didn't complain either. He seemed to accept Jack's attentions with surprisingly good grace.

Jack suspected that Ianto secretly liked the attention, even though he knew that the other man would never admit it. Jack didn't mind anyway. He was just happy that they got to spend time together.

He couldn't deny that he was captivated by the unique and often inscrutable Welshman. Jack was rather more than a little bit infatuated. He thoroughly enjoyed and valued his relationship with Ianto, unconventional and unusual though it was. In public they were colleagues and tentative friends, in private they were closer friends and lovers.

But Ianto had made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't looking for anything serious. Jack hadn't been either. However, he was starting to realise that, perhaps for the first time in his life, he was at least open to the possibility. Ianto very clearly was not.

Ianto was undoubtedly lonely and unhappy, and Jack couldn't help but wonder if he saw Jack as little more than a convenient source of comfort; a distraction from his pain. And they weren't dating – no one knew about them. They weren't together in any real sense of the word.

He'd considered officially ending things with Gwen, but he was afraid of losing Ianto, not only as a lover, but also as a friend. He suspected that in Ianto's mind, as long as he and Gwen were together, Jack was unavailable and therefore safe to be with.

The only problem was that as much as Jack enjoyed what he had with Ianto, he found himself wanting more.

* * *

It was Monday morning of the following week. Jack had worked himself up into an impressive state as he paced furiously back and forth across the length of his office, repeatedly muttering a tirade of curses.

Ianto sat at the other side of his desk, quietly sipping from a mug of coffee, and watching Jack with a hint of amusement.

Jack stopped pacing and glared at the Welshman. "What's so damned funny?" he growled. "Our project's falling apart and you're laughing at me. I'm glad you find this all so amusing."

Ianto just continued to look at him, completely unperturbed. "Calm down, Jack. You're getting hysterical," he said evenly and continued to sip his coffee.

"I think I'm damned well entitled. I just lost half my team," Jack retorted angrily.

Ianto opened his mouth to reply when Tosh knocked on the door and rushed in, quickly closing the door behind her.

She glared at Ianto. "Why didn't you tell me what happened?" she demanded. "I had to find out from Suzie. She took great delight in telling me too."

Tosh took one look at Jack and wisely decided to stay close to the door.

"Sorry, Tosh," Ianto replied. He tilted his head towards Jack. "I've been a little distracted dealing with our illustrious leader here." He grinned impishly and added, "He's a bit histrionic at the moment."

"I am not histrionic!" Jack shouted, pausing to glare dangerously at Ianto.

"Yes, you are," Ianto stated calmly. "Sit down and drink your coffee," he added in a stern tone.

Jack huffed, but collapsed into his chair and picked up his coffee mug. He scowled petulantly at Ianto as he began to drink. Ianto smiled at him sweetly and gave him a slight nod.

"So, it's true then?" Tosh asked as she looked at the pair with bemusement.

Ianto sighed. "Yep. Adam has been arrested for drug dealing. He was caught selling some new designer drug that has the rather nasty side-effect of selective memory loss. Apparently it's not his first offence, but it's the most serious one he's been caught for. No one here seems to have had any idea. He's got himself into a fair bit of trouble."

"And Andy was caught up in a pub brawl on Saturday night and is in hospital with severe concussion, fractured ribs and a broken wrist," Ianto continued. "He's going to be okay, but he'll be out of action for a while."

"It's a total disaster," Jack interjected as he moaned despondently.

"But Alex will give us extra time, won't he?" Tosh asked. "He can't expect us to meet the deadline for the demo now."

"Three days," Jack said despairingly. "He's only giving us a lousy three days."

"But he'll let us have someone else to help then?" Tosh persisted.

Ianto nodded. "He might if we asked," he agreed. "But it would be counter-productive at this point. We'd lose too much time getting someone else up to speed."

"We're doomed," Jack added prophetically. He groaned again and dramatically buried his face in his hands.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Well, if you'd just shut-up for a minute, Jack, I was about to tell you my plan."

Jack looked up. "You have a plan?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes. It's simple," Ianto started to explain. "Jack has decent technical skills, and he knows pretty much everything we've been doing. So he can fill in for Andy and help pick up the slack." Ianto looked at Jack and added, "Me and Tosh can give you some of the easier tasks to do while we deal with what's left of the more complicated stuff."

"Gee, thanks," Jack replied sarcastically.

Ianto ignored him. "So we'll only be one team member down, not two."

Ianto gestured at the printouts on the desk in front of him. "I've gone through Jack's list of outstanding work, and I've noted the things we can drop off for the demo if we run out of time. And I can't speak for Tosh, but I'll just pull a few all-nighters to make up some ground."

Tosh nodded firmly. "Absolutely. Count me in."

"I can't ask you guys to do that," Jack said with a shake of his head.

"You're not, Jack. We're offering," Ianto replied. "This project is important to us too."

A glimmer of hope passed across Jack's face. "Do you really think we can do it?"

Ianto looked determined. "Yeah, Jack, I know we can. We're getting close now anyway. Right, Tosh?"

"Of course we can," Tosh agreed decisively.

Jack grinned at his colleagues, and he felt a swell of pride and affection. "Okay guys, let's get to work then."

The next two and a half weeks passed in a frenzy of activity and tension, mingled with frequent bouts of exhaustion. Jack was doing his best to fill in for Andy, and was finding Ianto to be a fair but relentless taskmaster. And Ianto was coping much better with the sleep deprivation than Jack and Tosh were.

Jack was often putting Tosh into a taxi or driving her home, insisting that she take a break. Even Ianto had his limits, and several times, Jack had ended up dragging the Welshman back to his apartment to crash on his sofa. Jack knew that Ianto didn't like being there because of Gwen, but he was usually too tired to protest very much. If Gwen was there, she would just give Ianto a cheery greeting and leave him in peace, so they never really had to interact anyway.

Finally, it was the evening before the day of the demonstration. The office was quiet, and the three of them sat in the small conference room as Ianto rehearsed how he was going to demonstrate their efforts, occasionally making notes as he worked. Jack had insisted that Ianto should be in charge of the demo. Tosh had declined to do it, and Jack didn't trust himself not to fall to pieces under the strain of it all. More than ever, they needed Ianto's stoicism and innate composure.

Jack sat back and smiled as he looked at them in admiration. He was proud of both of them. No matter what happened, he knew that they'd all done their absolute best.

A short while later, Ianto looked up and gave Jack a simple nod as a look of relief passed across his weary features.

They were ready.

* * *

Jack sat in his office the following morning, and gazed out his window as he fortified himself with his third cup of coffee for the day. He felt jittery and on edge. He reflected belatedly that the coffee probably wasn't helping. He knew he wasn't being entirely rational, but it felt like everything he'd been working towards since arriving in Cardiff was culminating in this moment.

He turned around as he heard the soft tap on his door and Ianto walked in, closing the door behind him.

"Hey," Jack said with a forced smile.

"Hi. You okay?" Ianto returned as he sat down opposite Jack.

Jack nodded. "Yeah. Just a bit nervous."

"It's going to be fine, Jack," Ianto said firmly. "We've done our best."

"I know," Jack replied. He paused and gazed at Ianto, his eyes softening. "You've been amazing."

Ianto shrugged. "Just doing my job. But we make a good team, right?"

"Absolutely," Jack said with certainty.

"I like the tie by the way," Ianto quipped with a tiny smile. "Haven't seen you wear one before."

Jack couldn't help but preen a little at Ianto's compliment. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with a light grey tie with a subtle blue stripe. He also had on his black waistcoat. He knew he looked good, and he loved knowing that Ianto was noticing him and liking what he saw.

He smiled, and a wistful look passed across his face. "Yeah, the last time must have been when I had my job interview here. It almost seems like a lifetime ago now. So much has changed."

Ianto nodded thoughtfully. "No regrets?"

Jack shook his head firmly. "None."

He stared intently at Ianto, studying the line of his pale neck as it disappeared under his deep red shirt. Ianto was wearing the suit, shirt and tie combination that was Jack's favourite. Jack lost himself for a moment as he thought about how handsome and confident Ianto looked.

"I've missed you," he said softly.

"Me too," Ianto replied in a whisper.

"Maybe tonight, we could…?" Jack suggested

Ianto nodded. "Yep, I'd like that." His voice wavered slightly.

Jack smiled, feeling better now that he had something to look forward to.

Standing up, Ianto said, "Come on Captain, we'd better get in there."

"Captain?" Jack queried with a smile.

Ianto smirked. "Owen's nickname for you. Captain Jack. Well either that or smarmy git. Depends on his mood."

"Hey!" Jack exclaimed in outrage, but he couldn't help but laugh. It was rare to see Ianto smile like that. "Cheeky bastard. Keep that up and I might have to punish you."

"Is that a promise?" Ianto asked innocently, but there was a slightly glazed look in his eyes that suggested he was considering some lurid possibilities.

Jack grinned. "It might be. You'll just have to wait and find out." He gave Ianto a vigorous clap on the back. "Let's get this show on the road then."

They gathered in the conference room at ten o'clock. It was a small group, just the three of them along with Alex and Owen. The entire focus of the demonstration was to impress Alex. If he wasn't satisfied, he would likely abort the project or make major changes. And if that happened, Jack didn't know what that would mean for him.

Ianto sat at the head of the table. The tablet he was demonstrating on was connected to the room's projector, and a large bright image of the tablet's screen filled the wall behind him. Alex and Owen sat on either side of Ianto, and Jack and Tosh sat down at the back.

Jack gave a quick introduction and then handed over to Ianto.

Ianto calmly began. He started with explaining the security features and demonstrating how users could quickly sign into the system, entering a personal identification number, or using a biometric scanner. He demonstrated how the tablet retained a list of recent users, to allow fast sign in, and how each user's session was retained on the remote server. To illustrate, he turned off his tablet, picked up another one from the table, logged back in, and showed them how it returned to the same screen and details that he'd left open on the tablet he'd just turned off.

Jack smiled. It was a feature that Ianto had come up with, and as usual, it was brilliant. He was impressed, so he hoped the others would be too.

Next, Ianto stepped them through entering a patient history and physical assessment. He explained the predictive input and acronym expansion features which helped to speed up data entry, and demonstrated entering data using the on-screen keyboard and via handwriting recognition using a stylus.

Ianto paused, and Jack explained that an external wireless keyboard could also be used along with a docking frame to mount the tablet upright, allowing the tablets to become light-weight, portable workstations, similar to a laptop computer.

Ianto fingers continued to deftly move across the tablet as he navigated through the interface, entering examples of the history of present illness, past medical and surgical history, family history, medications and physical examination details.

He presented how existing patient records were accessed with a couple of quick taps to the screen. Then, he covered recording vital signs, showed the various flow sheets that were available, and explained how to access medical imaging from the patient's lab work.

Then he demonstrated how the to-do list features worked, and showed how it tracked the activities to be performed by the doctor or nurse on a daily basis.

When he'd finished, Alex and Owen began a tirade of questions which Ianto, Jack, and Tosh took turns fielding. Owen spent some time working through the system with Ianto's guidance while Alex watched closely.

Eventually silence settled over the room. Jack was looking at Alex anxiously, his throat dry and his stomach churning. He decided that the man had a poker face to rival Ianto's. Jack was having trouble reading him. Alex looked serious, but Jack thought hopefully, not unhappy.

Jack couldn't stand it any longer. "So, Alex, what do you think?" he asked cautiously. He glanced quickly to Ianto and saw his worried frown.

Alex looked thoughtful but then broke into a smile. "I'm impressed, Jack. Very impressed. You've really proven that the technology has come a long way. As you know, we've looked at tablet options in the past, but the tech just wasn't where we needed it to be."

Alex turned to look at Owen. "Any thoughts, Owen?" he prompted.

"Yeah, I agree with Alex," Owen said with a smile. "Damn impressive. I suppose I had some doubts, but you've convinced me. This is going to be a big step forward."

"Great work, all of you," Alex added. He looked at Tosh and then Ianto. "I know you've all worked hard to get this far. Jack's told me how much extra effort you've put into this."

Jack smiled. "I've got a brilliant team here, Alex. I can't speak highly enough of Ianto and Tosh. We had a setback with Andy and Adam, but we rallied and did everything we could to make this a success." He beamed at both of them. "Thanks, guys."

Alex stood up and said, "Jack, I'd like to catch up and discuss where this goes next. Tomorrow morning?"

"Sure, Alex, sounds great," Jack replied.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. Go out and have a celebratory lunch. You've earned it," Alex suggested with a parting smile and walked out of the room.

They were all startled when Tosh let out a little squeal and threw herself at Jack, giving him a hug and reaching up to kiss his cheek. "Congratulations, Jack. I'm so relieved," she said excitedly.

"Me too, Tosh. Thanks for all your hard work," Jack said warmly.

They moved apart, and Tosh turned to hug Ianto as Jack shook Owen's hand. "Thanks for your help getting us this far, Owen. Ianto said you've been invaluable. Want to join us for lunch?"

Owen nodded. "Sure. Thanks, Jack."

Jack looked at Ianto. He desperately wanted to pull the Welshman into a fierce hug and kiss him senseless, but he had to settle on a firm handshake. "Thanks for everything, Ianto," he said sincerely.

Ianto nodded and smiled in return.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

With a trembling hand, Jack dropped his phone carelessly onto the desk. He slumped back in his chair and closed his eyes, not even attempting to rub away the tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks. His arms fell limply against the sides of his chair.

Rationally, he knew that the news shouldn't be a shock. It was something he had been afraid of for years; an outcome that he'd almost accepted as being inevitable. But that didn't lessen the impact or diminish his overwhelming feelings of guilt. This was his fault. If he had been a little less selfish, if he had just stayed put, this wouldn't have happened. He was certain of that.

He felt numb, unable to move. A searing coldness was burrowing deep inside of him and consuming his heart. He refused to open his eyes. Time passed. It might have been mere moments or perhaps hours. He had ceased to be aware of his surroundings beyond the close confines of his office.

A familiar tap on his door finally roused him. Jerking up abruptly in his chair, he blinked several times and raising a shaky hand, wiped it roughly across his face.

"Jack?" Ianto asked as he closed the door behind him and sat down at the opposite side of the desk. He frowned and looked at Jack with concern.

"Hey," Jack croaked out as he glanced down at his watch and realised that Ianto was here to meet him for lunch. He tried to force his features into a smile but knew almost immediately that he'd failed spectacularly.

"What's happened?" Ianto leaned forward as he gazed at Jack searchingly.

Jack shook his head and looked away. "I just had a call from a friend in London," he mumbled as he stared out the window.

"It's John… he's…" Jack stalled and rubbed his hand forcefully over his face again as he tried to muster the courage to get the words out. "Oh, God, Ianto… he's dead."

"How?" Ianto asked quietly.

"Overdose," Jack said, his breath catching. "Apparently it was deliberate."

Ianto swore under his breath. "Jack, I'm sorry," he murmured as he continued to watch the other man carefully.

Jack nodded and rose unsteadily to his feet. "I need to get out of here," he said as he distractedly grabbed his keys and wallet, and then moved towards the door.

Ianto stood up as well, reaching forward and picking up Jack's discarded phone from where he'd left it on the desk. "I'll come with you."

They made their way out of the building and across to the Plass; the area was bustling with people as it always was at that time of day. They walked silently side by side. The open space and fresh, slightly chilly air was a welcome respite from the claustrophobia Jack had felt at the office. He tried to draw deep breaths, and his initial shock slowly began to abate.

As his awareness returned, he remembered what they were meant to be doing and turned to Ianto. "We should get some lunch," he suggested suddenly.

Ianto shook his head. "Doesn't matter. I'm not hungry anyway."

"You need to eat," Jack insisted.

Ignoring Ianto's further protests as he always did, he guided them towards one of their favourite lunchtime café's. Jack waited outside, away from the flurry of people, while Ianto entered the crowded shop to procure their food. He returned several minutes later with a bag in his hand.

Jack told Ianto that he wanted to go home. He didn't trust himself not to fall apart at any moment. He needed the privacy of his own space. They continued their journey to Jack's apartment in silence. His emotions were in disarray, but he felt exceedingly grateful of Ianto's comforting, undemanding presence at his side.

A short time later, they were standing at his apartment. He unlocked the door and they moved inside. Ianto ushered Jack towards the sofa and put the bag containing their lunch down on the coffee table in front of him.

"I'll make some coffee," he said quickly and walked towards the kitchen.

Jack nodded distractedly, and tugging off his coat, tossed it aside and sank down onto the sofa. Looking around the luxurious living space, he felt disgusted with himself. He'd abandoned John to start this new life, and now because of his selfishness, his friend was gone. Jack had thought he'd done the right thing for both of their sakes, but he began to question his real motives. He'd hoped that without John having Jack there to coddle him, he'd find the strength to stay in treatment and get better. But part of him had known that this day would come, yet he'd still walked away with barely a backwards glance.

Ianto returned and gently touched Jack's shoulder to get his attention before pushing a glass into his hand. He turned away, picking up Jack's coat, and hanging it with his own neatly by the door. Then he put Jack's phone down on the table and padded back to the kitchen.

Without looking at the contents of the glass, Jack gulped it down, savouring the burn as the scotch hit his throat.

Ianto reappeared a few minutes later with two steaming mugs of coffee. Placing one down on the table in front of Jack, he cradled the other in his hands as he sat down at Jack's side.

Ianto quietly sipped at his coffee for a couple of minutes while Jack was lost in his thoughts, berating himself over and over for his careless actions, and cursing John for being weak and for giving up on himself.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ianto asked softly, breaking the empty silence.

Jack didn't reply at first. He wasn't sure what to say or if he even wanted to talk, but after brief deliberation, he decided the need to unburden himself was too great. "I keep thinking I should have been there," he began. "That I shouldn't have abandoned him…"

He stifled back a sob. "That if I hadn't left…" he continued as his voice cracked. "He would still be alive now."

"Maybe," Ianto conceded. "But there always would have been a next time. If he was determined… well he'd find a way, and you couldn't always be there to stop him." He paused and added gently, "I think you know that."

Jack sighed and leaned forward to pickup his mug. "Yeah. Doesn't make it any easier to live with though."

"No," Ianto agreed, pausing to sip his coffee. "I know what it feels like," he continued hesitantly after a moment. "Wondering what you did wrong… if there was something more you could have done… wishing you had been enough… going crazy with regrets and what-if's…"

Jack nodded. "A part of me knew this was going to happen. But I thought… I hoped… that if I wasn't a part of his life anymore, maybe he'd have a better chance. I thought I was enabling him. Each time he went off the rails, I'd be there to try to help him pick up the pieces again… But maybe that's why I really left – because I couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe I was a coward." He paused and drew a shaky breath. "I saved myself, but I couldn't save him."

"You're not a coward, Jack," Ianto said firmly. "I think some people just can't be saved."

"I suppose. It's such a waste, Ianto. He was incredibly talented. I used to joke that he was a modern day Van Gogh." Jack gave a bitter laugh. "It sounds almost prophetic now, like it was inevitable that this would happen."

Suddenly, Jack slammed his mug down on the table as he felt a surge of anger overwhelm him. He buried his face in his trembling hands for a moment and then looked up at Ianto. "I'm furious at him for giving up," he said brokenly as the tears started to fall again and he gave in to his grief.

Ianto looked at Jack in shock but quickly shuffled closer and wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulders. He remained silent as Jack sobbed without constraint, watching the older man with an expression of concern. Eventually, Jack recovered and wiped at his eyes. Ianto lowered his arm but remained sitting close.

Jack turned and looked over at the far wall. "He gave me that before I left," he said roughly, indicating the painting hanging there, an impressionist style jagged cliff top overshadowed by a sky of swirling reds and purples. "He said it was something to remember him by."

Ianto turned and looked at the painting. "I remember it from the first time I was here," he said softly as he stared at it. "It's beautiful," he whispered appreciatively. "The colours… they're so intense. It's very… ah… poignant."

Jack nodded. "It's like he poured all of his rage and torment into that canvas. All of his work was like that. As if he was capturing fragments of his soul in everything he painted."

"That was how we met," Jack continued quietly. "A friend dragged me along to a gallery exhibit and one of his pieces was on display. I remember being captivated by it. I stood there and looked at it for the longest time. John came up and stood beside me and asked me what I thought of it." Jack chuckled slightly at the memory. "Then after I made a complete idiot of myself, he told me he was the artist."

Ianto turned his gaze back to Jack. "Did you love him? I mean… were you in love with him?" he asked uncertainly.

Jack looked at Ianto in surprise. It wasn't the sort of question that Ianto would normally ask. He wasn't sure how to answer it.

"No," he eventually replied. "I cared a lot about him. I did love him I suppose, but no, what we had… it was mostly physical. It was more lust than love. Sometimes it was comfort, although I'm not even sure if that's an accurate way to describe it. We were never really together. Sometimes it seemed like John might have wanted more, but he never would have committed to anything. He'd bed anyone who took his eye and not spare a thought for anyone else. Even if I had wanted something more with him, it never would have worked. We both knew that."

Ianto nodded slowly. "And if you had stayed?"

Jack shrugged. "I guess nothing would have changed. That was the problem. Nothing ever changed… I couldn't do that anymore."

"From what you've told me, I don't think he would have wanted you to sacrifice your happiness for him," Ianto suggested, catching Jack's gaze and holding it.

"You're right," Jack said reluctantly as he thought about it. "For all John's failings, I'm sure he cared about me. He wasn't a bad person, not really. He knew I wasn't happy there, and I don't think he begrudged me for leaving."

Ianto rested his hand on Jack's knee and gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Perhaps he's found some peace now."

"It's all we can hope for…" Jack agreed, giving Ianto a sad smile and resting his own hand over Ianto's. He tried to draw strength from the familiar warmth. "Maybe his demons have finally been laid to rest."

They sat in silence for some time. Eventually Jack shook himself out of his reverie and glanced surreptitiously at the man sitting placidly beside him. A swell of affection rushed over him. Placing his empty mug down, he picked up the bag and waved it at Ianto. "You haven't eaten your lunch," he admonished.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Neither have you."

"Maybe later," Jack said as he pulled his sandwich and pastry from the bag and dropped them down on the table. He folded the top of the bag over and placed it in front of the younger man. "Eat it when you get back to work," he said firmly.

"All right," Ianto agreed with more than a hint of martyrdom in his voice. "I suppose I should get back," he continued hesitantly. He looked at Jack and frowned. "Will you be okay?"

"I just need a bit of time to myself," Jack answered. "I'm going to take the afternoon off…" he added as he paused and tried to recall what he was supposed to be doing for the rest of the day. "Damn. I have a meeting with Tosh to go through…"

"I'll take care of it," Ianto said, cutting him off. "Tosh will understand."

"Okay," Jack said gratefully. "Thanks."

"Is Gwen home tonight?" Ianto asked as he stood and picked up his lunch bag.

Jack shook his head. "No, she's up in London on a training course. She won't be back 'til Thursday night."

"Oh," Ianto replied, looking uncertain. "Ah, you could come over to mine tonight? You won't have to be alone then." Pausing with a self-deprecating shrug, he added, "I can make us something nice for dinner."

Under different circumstances, Jack knew he would have had a hard time holding back his laughter. He'd never need the enticement of a home-cooked meal to want to spend time with the Welshman.

"Are you sure?" he asked, feeling his spirits lift a little. He wouldn't have admitted it, but he hadn't been relishing the idea of spending the night alone with only his grief and dark thoughts for company.

"Yeah, of course," Ianto said hurriedly. "I can collect you on my way home? I'll give you a call when I'm about to finish up… I'll try to get away early, say around half-five."

"Sounds good," Jack confirmed. He attempted to give Ianto an appreciative smile.

Ianto nodded and moved towards the door, collecting his coat and shrugging it on as he juggled the bag from one hand to the other.

Jack followed and waited for Ianto to turn and face him. When he did, Jack wrapped his hand around the back of Ianto's neck and pulled him into a desperate kiss. He felt Ianto tense briefly, but then he rested his hands on Jack's hips and relaxed into the moment, returning the kiss with equal fervour.

Jack pulled away with a small sigh and held Ianto against his chest in a tight embrace, drawing comfort from the Welshman's familiar scent and solid warmth. "Thank you," he whispered.

Ianto eased himself back from Jack's arms and gave him a tentative smile in return. Then, he quickly disappeared out the door.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Ianto was as good as his word, and Jack tossed his small overnight bag into the back of Ianto's car before climbing into the passenger seat.

"Thanks for picking me up," he said to Ianto by way of greeting. "Not sure if I'm up to driving at the moment. I could have called a taxi…"

"It's fine, Jack," Ianto said as he eased his car down the quiet street. "Not like it's out of my way."

Jack nodded. "Everything okay at the office?"

"Yep. I told Tosh that you'd had some bad news and that you'll catch up with her tomorrow. I went through those enhancements with her that we talked about yesterday. They'll keep her busy for a while."

"Okay," Jack replied. "Thanks for covering for me."

He took a moment to study the interior of the car. He hadn't been inside Ianto's car before. It wasn't an especially smart car; it wasn't expensive or flashy. It was fairly small but not uncomfortable, and as he'd expected, it was impeccably clean. It could have easily passed for having just rolled out of the showroom.

He was sure that Ianto had the means to own a much more prestigious vehicle if he chose to, but he'd noticed that such things seemed to hold little interest to the younger man. Much like Ianto's flat which was small and not at all luxurious, but it was neat and comfortable.

Ianto's suits and business attire seemed to be his one concession to the more extravagant extents of the modern world. It was one of the many things that Jack respected about Ianto, even admired, despite his own desires being somewhat more self-indulgent. Jack had always had a leaning towards the ostentatious, and like most aspects of his life, he was entirely unapologetic about it. Yet he found something endearing about Ianto's affinity for more sensible and practical alternatives.

Sighing inwardly, Jack stared out the window at the passing streetscapes, his thoughts turning morose once again.

A few minutes later he felt a warm hand brush over his denim-clad knee, giving it a brief, gentle rub. Jack looked up and caught Ianto's eye. "Almost there," Ianto said as he turned his attention back to the road.

Jack watched Ianto for a moment before turning back to stare out the window again. The remainder of their journey was completed in silence.

They arrived at Ianto's doorstep, and Jack followed the Welshman inside. Ianto helped Jack to slip his coat from his shoulders and he hung it by the door along with his own. Then he took Jack's bag and carried it into the bedroom, returning a moment later having removed his jacket, waistcoat and tie.

Jack stood still by the door, feeling suddenly awkward as Ianto looked at him with concern. "Look, Ianto, I… I'm probably not going to be good company tonight."

Ianto moved slightly closer. "Doesn't matter, Jack. Tonight it's my turn… let me take care of you for a bit, okay?"

Jack nodded with relief. "Okay," he agreed, feeling slightly embarrassed by his unnecessary awkwardness.

Ianto nudged him towards the sofa. "Sit down. Put the telly on if you want. I'll get dinner started."

Jack hesitated. "Do you mind if I help you?"

"I can always use an extra pair of hands," Ianto said with a soft smile. "Come on then," he added and moved into the kitchen.

Jack watched as Ianto rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands at the sink, then indicated for Jack to do the same. "Shepherd's Pie sound okay?" he asked as Jack finished drying his hands. "It's my signature dish."

Jack couldn't help but chuckle at the solemn look on Ianto's handsome face, as if he had just revealed his most closely guarded secret.

"Perfect," he replied. "Isn't that a lot of work though?"

"Not really," Ianto answered with a shrug as he extracted a container from his freezer and then passed several large potatoes to Jack. "Just takes a while in the oven."

In a flurry of movement he presented Jack with a vegetable peeler, knife and saucepan. "You can peel, dice and cook the potatoes. I'll defrost and cook the lamb."

Working together, and with Jack following Ianto's precise instructions, they soon had the pie assembled and into the oven. Then Ianto prepared coffee and they retreated to the sofa.

"That was kind of fun," Jack mused as he leaned back and sipped from his mug of coffee. "Although, I'm starting to worry about you. Please tell me you can cook something that doesn't feature sheep as the main ingredient."

Jack was rewarded with Ianto's best eye roll. "Jack, in case you haven't noticed, I'm Welsh."

Jack waited a moment for the rest of the explanation, but apparently in Ianto's mind, that concise statement explained everything. "Oh, believe me, I've noticed," he confirmed with his best attempt at a leer.

Ianto shook his head with a look of bemusement and reaching for the remote, turned on the television.

An hour later, they were both digging into huge helpings of pie doused in tomato sauce. Jack hadn't been sure if he'd feel like eating anything, but the meal was delicious, and he discovered he was hungrier than he'd thought.

"Thanks, Ianto," he said a short while later as he reached for the bottle of wine and refilled their glasses. "That was amazing."

"Glad you liked it," Ianto replied with a hint of a smile. "I'll just take care of these dishes. Then we can have some pudding."

Standing up, he collected their plates and moved into the kitchen. Jack carried their glasses and the bottle over to the table in front of the sofa and sank down into the soft cushions with a weary sigh.

Ianto returned shortly with two bowls and passed one to Jack as he sat down and reached for his wine glass. Jack couldn't help but lick his lips as he gazed appreciatively at the bowl filled with neat round scoops of rich chocolate and vanilla ice-cream, topped with raspberry sauce and generous shavings of dark chocolate.

Jack piled a spoonful into his mouth and moaned as the rich flavours melted across his tongue. "This is sinful," he murmured as he promptly devoured a second spoonful.

Ianto gave him a knowing, almost smug smile. "Well anything with chocolate is a safe bet with you."

"You've got me all figured out haven't you?" Jack teased.

Ianto's mouth curled into a cheeky smirk. "Pretty much."

They finished off their desserts and the wine, and then settled down to watch a few episodes of The IT Crowd. Jack had recently discovered it was one of Ianto's favourite shows. He had to admit that it was hilarious and scarily not that dissimilar from some of the companies he'd worked at in the past. Ianto had given him the full set of DVD's a few weeks ago, insisting that he watch them, but with all the turmoil at work and the long hours they'd been putting in, Jack hadn't finished getting through them yet.

Ianto turned off the television when they were done and they sat in silence for several minutes.

"There's going to be a service for John on Saturday afternoon," Jack said quietly. "In London," he added. "I was thinking that I'll go up on the train on Saturday morning, maybe stay at a hotel and come back on Sunday."

Ianto nodded solemnly. "That sounds like a good idea."

"I was wondering," Jack continued as he turned to face Ianto and looked at him anxiously. "If you'd come with me? Not to the service, I know that would be awkward, but for company on the trip? If you're not doing anything?"

"Oh," Ianto said, dropping his eyes to the floor. "I… er…"

"It's okay if you don't want to," Jack assured him, hoping he'd managed to hide the disappointment from his voice.

Ianto looked confused. "No, it's just that… I thought Gwen would go with you."

"She'll most likely be working. And I haven't told her much about John. She would probably come with me if I asked her to, but…" Jack paused as he tried to find the right words. "I'd like it to be you."

Ianto looked up at Jack, his expression unreadable. Then he blinked. "I've been thinking about getting a new suit. I could do some shopping while you…"

"Yeah, you could," Jack replied hurriedly understanding Ianto's need to have an acceptable reason for accompanying him. "You could go to Savile Row and find something gorgeous. And we can stay somewhere nice for the night. My treat. Maybe the Savoy. I've always wanted to stay there."

Ianto seemed to deliberate for a moment. "Okay, sure," he agreed. "Been a while since I've gone up to London," he added lightly.

Jack captured his hand and gave it a grateful squeeze.

He'd managed to keep his emotions tightly reigned in during the evening so far, but as his thoughts turned to the impending trip and the need to say his final goodbyes to John, his grief began to overwhelm him again. Before he realised what had happened, his face was buried in Ianto's shoulder and he was sobbing brokenly.

Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack and held him tightly, murmuring gently into his ear and allowing Jack to release his pent-up anguish. "I'm here, Jack," he whispered as he lightly stroked his hand through the hair at the back of Jack's head. He pressed a soft kiss to Jack's temple. "You're going to get through this. You're going to be all right."

They stayed that way for some time until Jack started to calm down. Ianto pulled him up onto his feet, keeping an arm wrapped firmly around his waist. "Come on," he said and guided Jack out of the room, flicking off the light on the way.

He took Jack into the bathroom and after retrieving Jack's toiletries from his bag, they took turns brushing their teeth, and getting ready for bed.

They moved silently into the bedroom. Ianto drew back the covers and helped Jack to undress, easing him down onto the bed before neatly folding Jack's clothes and putting them on the floor by his bag. Ianto quickly stripped off his own clothes and then sat down on the bed next to Jack.

"Okay?" Ianto asked as he moved his hand in wide circles over Jack's back.

"Yeah," Jack said as he rubbed at his eyes and then tried to give Ianto a reassuring smile.

Jack moved to lie down on the bed, wondering if there was any chance he'd manage to get some sleep. He turned back to look at Ianto when he suddenly realised what he needed.

"Ianto, I…" he started but then trailed off, not sure how to explain to Ianto what he so desperately wanted. There were some things that they hadn't done together yet, and everything they had done had been very much as equals. As open-minded as Ianto was, neither of them was naturally submissive, and Jack didn't want to scare Ianto off or cause him to feel uncomfortable.

"I need you to…" he tried again, his eyes pleading with Ianto, willing him to understand that he needed to completely let go, that he needed the younger man to possess him and take control.

Jack looked away and squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting to see any hint of revulsion in the other man's features. "I need you… I need to feel some pain… I need you to be rough with me… I don't want you to hold back," he whispered.

If Ianto was shocked by Jack's admission, he didn't show it. Ianto met his gaze and nodded in understanding. "It's okay, Jack. I'll take care of you." He paused and frowned slightly. "I've never done anything like this before. If it's too much, tell me to stop… I don't want to hurt you."

"I trust you," Jack murmured.

"You need to give me a safe word. Just in case."

Jack leaned forward and keeping his eyes closed, found Ianto's mouth and pressed a hesitant kiss to his lips. Finding no resistance, he pulled back and opened his eyes, meeting Ianto's steady gaze. "Potato," he said quietly.

Ianto smiled and gave Jack a deep, probing kiss in return. He lingered and then finally pulled away and looked at Jack searchingly.

Jack nodded and stretched himself out on the bed, lifting his hips and tugging off his underwear, tossing it onto the floor. He lay perfectly still, waiting, while he tried to silence his raging thoughts, pushing everything else to the furthest recesses of his mind. He watched Ianto retrieve the necessary supplies from the drawer of the bedside table, pull off his own underwear and then climb up beside him on the bed.

Ianto straddled Jack's hips, then grabbed his wrists and pushed Jack's arms up and over his head. Holding them in place with one hand, Ianto used his other hand to roughly capture Jack's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

Jack stared up into Ianto's stormy blue eyes, ablaze with lust and determination. "Just us, Jack, in this room, for as long as it takes," he growled in a low voice, his accent thickening. "Tonight you're mine."

Jack nodded mutely as his heart pounded in his ears and a shiver of anticipation coursed down his spine. He felt safe knowing that he could surrender completely and that Ianto would look after him. He trusted Ianto to give him what he needed.

"Yours," he acknowledged and breathed in deeply.

Ianto leaned in and delivered a bruising kiss to Jack's mouth, tugging hard on Jack's bottom lip with his teeth as he began to grind his lower body against Jack's, quickly building up to a punishing intensity. Ianto kissed his way down to the base of Jack's neck and Jack barely stopped himself from crying out as Ianto bit down hard on his shoulder.

Closing his eyes, Jack moaned appreciatively as a shudder rippled through his body and he lost himself to physical sensation. A sense of calmness began to settle across his mind, and the ache in his heart slipped away.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Jack woke early the following morning. He blinked several times as his eyes began to focus, and then he turned onto his back. An involuntary groan escaped from his lips as dull aches and pains spiked across parts of his body.

He glanced sideways. Ianto was sprawled out on his front with his head turned towards Jack, his back exposed to the still air. The sheets had drifted down and were only barely covering his backside. He was soundly asleep, and soft, almost inaudible, snores escaped from his parted lips at regular intervals.

Jack stared up at the ceiling as he replayed the previous evening in his mind. Ianto had been surprisingly brutal and relentless. He'd taken Jack twice, each time pushing him to the brink and holding him there until the desperate need for release became almost unbearable. The mix of pleasure and pain had been exquisite, and exactly what Jack had needed to temporarily bury his grief. He'd wanted to lose himself in pure physical sensation, and Ianto had given him that without reservation.

Afterwards, when they were both exhausted and utterly spent, Ianto had wrapped himself around Jack's trembling body and held him tight, pressing gentle kisses to his lips, face and neck. As Jack had drifted into a mercifully dreamless sleep, his last conscious thought had been that he couldn't remember ever feeling more loved or cared for than in that moment.

As much as he trusted Ianto, he hadn't been sure that the younger man would be able to give him what he'd needed. He hadn't known if Ianto trusted him enough to know his own limits and to communicate if it became too much. But Ianto had trusted him, and while Jack suspected that Ianto had held back a little out of both fear and inexperience, he had surprised Jack by his willingness to go as far as he had. Ianto continued to astonish and impress him, and he realised that he really should know better by now than to ever underestimate the Welshman.

Turning on his side, Jack gazed appreciatively across the lean form of Ianto's long body. Ianto had put on a little bit of weight, he suddenly realised, most likely from all the lunches, snacks and dinners that Jack encouraged him to eat. It suited him, Jack decided. He'd been a little too thin when they'd first got together. Ianto wasn't especially muscular, he was a little soft around the edges, a little less toned than perhaps he could be, but he was graceful and well proportioned. Jack thought he was beautiful exactly as he was.

His eyes settled on the thin patch of silky dark hair at the base of Ianto's lower back. He'd always been captivated by it, finding it incredibly erotic. When they were alone together, and Ianto was dressed casually in a t-shirt and jeans, Jack had found himself trying to catch a sneaky glimpse of the pale skin whenever Ianto bent over and his shirt pulled upwards. He idly wondered if he'd discovered a new kink to add to his already impressively long list. Or perhaps it was just Ianto.

Jack couldn't resist reaching out and tracing his fingers across the small area, capturing the fine strands between his fingertips. He held his hand against the soft flesh, feeling warmth radiate up through his skin. Moving closer, he replaced his fingers with his lips and began kissing his way up Ianto's spine.

Ianto moaned quietly and started to stir. "Mmm, don't stop," he mumbled into his pillow as Jack reached the base of his neck.

Jack chuckled quietly and continued his ministrations. Eventually he pulled back as Ianto opened his eyes and turned to look at him blearily.

"Hey," Jack said as he kissed Ianto softly on the lips.

"Hi," Ianto replied, his voice croaky and thick from sleep. "You okay?"

"Better," Jack confirmed as he flopped down on his back with a sigh.

Ianto turned onto his side and looked at Jack carefully, his eyes moving down the length of Jack's body. He frowned, and then reached over to switch on the bedside lamp. Turning back to look at Jack, he traced his fingers over Jack's hip.

Ianto's expression transformed into one of horror. "I hurt you," he said brokenly, his voice filled with self-recrimination.

Jack pulled himself up and examined his body. His hips were mottled with bruises, there was some bruising around his wrists, and his chest carried several scratches and bite marks. Moving his left arm a little, he could also feel tenderness where Ianto had marked his shoulder.

"Ianto…" he began as he reached out to touch the younger man's cheek.

Ianto pulled back sharply and turned away. Jack shifted towards him and grasped his hand. "Ianto, look at me."

Ianto just shook his head in response. "Please," Jack said beseeching.

Eventually Ianto turned back to face him, blinking hard. Jack gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile, and then pulled him closer, trailing his fingers gently down the side of his face.

"You didn't hurt me, Ianto. You gave me what I needed." He gestured casually down at himself. "This is nothing," he said offhandedly as Ianto stared at him with an expression of disbelief.

"Okay, I'll be a bit sore for a few days," he admitted. "But it will just remind me of last night… that you looked after me." He paused. "I trust you, Ianto. I knew you'd stop if I asked you to."

Jack lifted his hand and stroked Ianto's cheek gently with his thumb. "Tell me honestly… did you enjoy it?"

Ianto tensed for a moment, looking fearful. "Yes," he whispered.

Jack nodded and smiled again. "Good," he confirmed. "Just because you did what I asked of you, doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy it too. I knew I was completely safe with you."

Ianto nodded slowly and gave him a weak smile. "It's all just a bit new to me I guess."

"Yeah, but you're a fast learner." Jack smiled affectionately. "We can do this again sometime if you want to," he suggested. "Or if you want to try it the other way around… and we can talk about it first… you decide on the boundaries and tell me what you're comfortable with."

Ianto looked thoughtful. "I think… yeah… I think I'd like to sometime." He paused and looked down at where Jack was idly twining their fingers together. "I… I trust you too, Jack."

Jack leaned in and kissed him again. "You were incredible, Ianto. Thank you."

Ianto gave Jack a tentative smile and rested his head down on Jack's chest, letting out a quiet sigh. He reached down and gently traced his fingers over the bruises on Jack's hip. "Shit!" he suddenly exclaimed, pulling back. "Gwen will see… she'll know…" he trailed off as he stared at Jack, distress etched across his features.

Jack shook his head. "As long as I keep a t-shirt and underwear on, she won't see anything. It's fine…"

He paused, wondering again how much he should reveal to Ianto about the status of his relationship with Gwen. He consciously tried to refrain from mentioning her when they were together. "Let's just say that it's been a while," he added vaguely.

"Oh. Er…" Ianto started to reply awkwardly.

Jack shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Anyway, I've got you, right?"

"Yeah… yeah, of course," Ianto replied hurriedly.

Jack didn't want to continue that particular line of conversation. Their time together was too precious. He rolled Ianto onto his back and pressed their bodies together as he kissed him passionately until they were both gasping for air.

Jack grinned salaciously. "We've got plenty of time before we need to get ready for work," he began as he stroked his hand across Ianto's chest, eliciting a soft moan in response. "Let me thank you properly?"

"All right," Ianto agreed with a grin of his own as he pulled Jack down and into another desperate kiss.

* * *

The trip to London was a subdued affair. Jack spent most of the time gazing out the train window, not really noticing the countryside as it passed by, just lost in his thoughts. Ianto sat opposite him, his head buried in a book. He occasionally glanced up at Jack, but remained silent. Jack was grateful to the younger man for not trying to engage him in idle conversation. He just wanted to be left to his ruminations.

Ianto had been a comforting presence since he'd received the news about John. They'd spent quite a lot of time together since then, but they hadn't talked very much, and Jack was thankful for Ianto's stoic and reserved nature. He knew that he could talk if he wanted to and that Ianto would listen without hesitation, but Ianto didn't put any demands on him to vocalise his grief. He wasn't sure how he would have managed to survive the last several days without Ianto's quiet companionship.

Jack knew that Ianto was no stranger to grief. The Welshman had already lost so much in his short life, and from what Jack knew, he'd endured most of that loss on his own. The more Jack thought about it, the more he realised that he and Ianto weren't that different. They were both alone and somewhat adrift in the world. But at least for now, they had found each other. Jack didn't doubt that Ianto understood much of what he was going through. He wasn't alone, and that had made his anguish over John just a little more bearable.

Eventually, they arrived at the Savoy and checked in. Jack quickly changed into his suit while Ianto pottered about, unpacking their overnight bags and inspecting their luxurious room.

Jack was lost in thought as he stood in front of the mirror, looking at the sombre image he presented in a black suit with grey shirt and tie. He felt raw and on edge. His sorrow was pressing down on him, overwhelming and relentless. Staring at his reflection, his mind drifted back to his father's death. He had been so angry, confused, and inconsolable for the longest time. But he couldn't allow himself to sink down to those depths again. He couldn't become that angry, bitter person again. He needed to say goodbye to John and move on.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, he furiously wiped at his eyes, and with renewed determination, he pushed his painful memories of the past back into the recesses of his mind.

"Ready?" Ianto asked softly as he moved to stand behind Jack.

Turning to face the Welshman, he met concerned blue eyes. Jack nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak.

Ianto leaned closer and surprised Jack by pressing a soft, almost chaste kiss against his lips. Jack's eyes slid closed, and he savoured the brief contact, once again feeling immeasurably relieved that Ianto was there at his side. He was still surprised by how much the younger man's undemanding presence calmed him.

Jack rested his forehead against Ianto's, and for just a moment, he lost himself in the other man's warmth, drawing the strength he needed. He pulled back with a sigh and attempted a wan smile. "See you when I get back," he murmured.

Ianto nodded and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

The service was mercifully brief. It was a small gathering; just a handful of John's friends, John's father, and a couple of other family members. Jack had met some of them before, but he and John had kept different social circles, so other than Sarah-Jane, he didn't really know any of them.

As the gathering began to disperse, Jack made his way to the front of the room. The casket was closed, with a large photograph of John sitting beside it. The image stared back at him with the same look of mocking tempestuousness that Jack had known so well. Jack couldn't help but smile slightly.

"I think I understand why you did this," he began quietly, trying to keep his voice steady. "I want you to know that. I was angry at first. Furious, disappointed, confused… but more than anything, I felt so guilty for leaving you."

Jack's voice cracked, and he choked back a sob. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, John. I don't know what I could have done differently. Even if I had stayed, I don't know if it would have made any difference…"

Pausing, Jack wiped at a stray tear that had slipped down his cheek. "I'm sorry that you couldn't save yourself. But I understand, and I have to believe that your soul is at peace now. I hope that you've found in death what eluded you in life. And I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too."

Jack stopped again and took a deep breath. "I'll never forget you. Goodbye, John. Rest in peace, my friend."

With one final look at John's photograph, Jack turned and walked away.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Jack slipped his keycard into the lock and entered the hotel room. He saw Ianto sprawled on the small sofa, casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and watching the television. The Welshman immediately flicked off the screen, sprang to his feet, and moved towards him.

"Hey," Jack said as he wearily toed off his shoes, tugged off his tie and then unbuttoned the collar of his shirt. He attempted a smile but knew that it probably looked more like a grimace.

"How was…" Ianto began to ask but then abruptly stopped, apparently realising that wasn't a particularly prudent question.

"Yeah," Jack said with a sigh. "It was… I suppose it was what I expected. I'm just glad it's over."

Ianto moved closer and pulled Jack into a firm embrace. Sagging a little, Jack accepted the hug gratefully, resting his head on Ianto's shoulder and nuzzling against his neck, breathing in the familiar, distinctive scent of his friend.

"How about a drink?" Ianto suggested as Jack reluctantly released him and moved over to the sofa, slumping down onto it.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, sounds good."

Ianto moved over to the side table and returned with two glasses and the small bottle of scotch that he'd bought earlier. Sitting down next to Jack, he poured a generous amount into Jack's glass and handed it to him before pouring a smaller quantity for himself.

"Thanks," Jack murmured.

He tossed back half of his scotch in one go and nursed the glass between his hands, staring ahead blankly, a vision of John's tortured face swimming across his mind. Ianto sipped slowly at his own drink.

After several minutes, Jack forcefully pulled himself out of his reverie. He had said his goodbyes, and while he knew he had more grieving to do, he wanted to enjoy their night together in London. He didn't want Ianto to regret accompanying him.

He turned to Ianto and attempted to give him an affectionate smile. "How was your afternoon? What did you buy?"

"It was good," Ianto replied cautiously. He gestured towards a suit bag hanging on the wardrobe door. "I found a suit I liked, and bought a couple of new shirts and ties to go with it. The suit needs some minor alterations, but I'll get those done back in Cardiff."

He paused and then suddenly stood up. "Um…" he began as he moved across to his overnight bag and pulled out a small box wrapped in silver paper and red ribbon. "Here." He sat back down and shoved the box at Jack, not meeting the other man's eyes.

"What's this?" Jack asked curiously.

"It's nothing," Ianto mumbled. "Just something I saw." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Thought you might like it."

Jack eagerly ripped the ribbon and wrapping paper away, and then opened the box, gingerly lifting back the soft white tissue paper inside. He revealed an exquisite silk tie. It was a deep sapphire blue, in a subtle diagonal pattern with a slightly darker shade of blue, overlaid with pairs of thin silver lines with bands of lighter shades of blue on either side.

Jack gasped slightly as he lifted the tie out of the box, and felt the fine silk glide across his fingers. "It's beautiful, Ianto," he said warmly, with a wide smile. "Thank you."

Ianto nodded and picked up his glass again, taking a generous drink from it.

"Will you show me your new suit?" Jack asked him. "Put it on for me. Please. I want to see how it looks on you."

Ianto looked at Jack curiously for a moment. Then his eyes softened. "Okay," he agreed.

He stood up again, collected the suit bag and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Jack shook his head fondly and examined the tie again. He couldn't quite believe that Ianto had bought him a gift like this. It was such an unexpected and spontaneous gesture, and it touched him deeply. They'd never exchanged any kind of gifts before, although Jack had been thinking about it. Ianto's birthday was coming up soon and he wasn't sure if the Welshman would welcome a gift from him, or if it would only create undue awkwardness between them.

He touched the soft fabric again, almost reverently, and thought about how it would feel to wear the tie at work, knowing that it was a gift from the man who had come to mean so much to him.

Ianto returned a few minutes later, standing awkwardly by the door. "Ah, what do you think?"

Jack stood up and walked over to him. The suit was a very dark grey, almost black, with a subtle pin-stripe. It was at least a shade or two darker than the suits Jack was used to seeing Ianto wear. Ianto had accompanied the suit with a deep mauve shirt and coordinating tie in various shades of purple and grey. The suit fitted him almost perfectly, with just the length of the sleeves that would require a slight alteration.

"Turn around," Jack instructed and felt his breath hitch as Ianto spun around slowly in front of him.

Ianto looked at Jack and frowned. "Jack?"

Jack gave himself a mental shake, frustrated by his sudden lack of eloquence. "It's gorgeous. You're… Ianto… you look breathtaking," he stammered.

"Um, thanks," Ianto replied, looking rather befuddled.

Jack couldn't restrain himself any longer. He grabbed the back of Ianto's neck and pulled him forward, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. After a long moment, he pulled back and smiled smugly to himself at the dazed look on Ianto's face.

"Ianto, I think you'd better go and take off that suit right now," Jack recommended.

Ianto looked at him blankly. "I thought you liked it."

"Well if you don't," Jack began to explain. "In about ten seconds, I'm going to throw you onto that bed, tear it off you, and have my way with you. And that would deprive me of endless hours of enjoyment watching you wearing it at the office." He grinned lasciviously. "Not to mention ruining a stunning and most likely very expensive suit."

Ianto rolled his eyes but backed towards the bathroom as Jack continued to stare at him hungrily. "I'd better just go and…" he mumbled. "I'll be right back." He promptly disappeared behind the closed door.

Jack laughed, moved over to the bed, and began to strip off his clothes, feeling a weight lift as he pulled off his suit. The door opened again and Ianto poked his head around the doorframe. "Er… Jack?"

Jack turned and looked up, his trousers falling down around his ankles.

Ianto grinned impishly. "Don't start without me."

Later that evening, Jack was lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand, watching Ianto. The Welshman was resting on his back next to him. His eyes were closed, and his chest was moving rhythmically. The soft light of the nearby lamp illuminated the room in a subdued warmth, and Ianto's pale, sweat dampened skin shone with an almost ethereal glow.

Jack loved watching Ianto like this, so relaxed and unencumbered. He was only truly like this after they'd been together, and it never lasted long enough. Jack felt strangely privileged to be the first and only man, so far at least, to experience Ianto in this way. He found himself fighting off the desire to sleep, instead wanting to cherish these fleeting and precious moments.

Ianto's lips formed a gentle smile. "You're staring at me again," he murmured without opening his eyes.

"I'm always staring at you," Jack replied quietly. "You're too beautiful for me not to."

"Daft bugger," Ianto replied with a snort.

Jack smiled. He reached out and rested his hand on Ianto's hip, then began tracing his fingertips over the flat stomach and up and across Ianto's chest. He smiled with satisfaction as Ianto quivered slightly and let out a soft, languid moan. He loved touching Ianto, stroking his hands over Ianto's soft flesh, feeling the younger man respond with such unrestrained pleasure.

At the beginning, Jack hadn't expected Ianto to be so receptive to such simple intimacies. In Jack's quite extensive experience, being with a man wasn't often like this. But Ianto was nothing if not unpredictable, a fact that Jack was regularly reminded of, and always deeply grateful for.

He could never have imagined that Ianto would simply lay still like this, naked and vulnerable, allowing Jack to gaze and explore. He was still in awe of the trust that Ianto placed in him and the way Ianto surrendered himself so willingly. Jack was determined to never betray that trust.

"Okay, how about…" Jack pondered as he continued to stroke Ianto's warm skin. "Insanely handsome… or sexy as hell… or devastatingly masculine..." He paused and twirled his fingers, extracting another delightful moan. "Like any of those better?"

"I suppose," Ianto allowed, but Jack could see his smile widening.

"Besides, I see the way you look at me," Jack continued confidently. "You think I'm beautiful."

Ianto opened his eyes and glanced at Jack. "I guess you're…" He paused as if thinking carefully. "Fairly handsome," he finished indifferently and closed his eyes again.

"What?" Jack exclaimed as he immediately rolled over on top of Ianto and pinned him down. "Fairly handsome?" he spluttered in outrage. "I think someone's overdue for that punishment we talked about." Jack quickly moved his hands down to Ianto's ribcage and began to tickle him mercilessly.

Ianto squirmed frantically under Jack's determined hands. "Stop it, Jack," he gasped between fits of laughter.

"Not until you apologise," Jack replied sternly as he chuckled and continued his assault.

Eventually Ianto seemed to realise there was no escape, and he relented. "Fine," he huffed.

Jack paused and looked down at Ianto with an unabashed grin. Ianto glared up at him. "You're bloody gorgeous," he said grudgingly but Jack could see the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. "Happy now?"

Jack grinned in triumph. "Very," he said as he leaned in and claimed Ianto's mouth in a demanding kiss.

He rolled off and onto his back. "Come here," he whispered as he tugged at Ianto, pulling him close.

Ianto settled against Jack's side and rested his head on Jack's shoulder.

They lay silently for several minutes as they relaxed again and their breathing returned to normal. Jack focused on how good it felt, to have Ianto secure and safe in his arms. The feeling was intoxicating. He allowed his mind to drift as he imagined how it would be to always have this; to feel like this forever. He just hoped that in these moments, Ianto's pain faded, and he felt genuinely happy too.

"You okay?" Jack whispered as he wrapped his arm around Ianto's shoulders.

Ianto's head moved in a slight nod, and he let out a sigh that sounded distinctly of contentment.

A moment later, Ianto raised himself up and looked at Jack intently, his eyes bright and a slight furrow formed between them. He leaned in and kissed Jack briefly before pulling back. "Yeah," he murmured, averting his gaze and settling back into Jack's embrace.

Jack felt a swell of affection at the simple affirmation. He desperately wanted to give Ianto some peace in return for the comfort Ianto had given him since John's death. He wanted Ianto to have at least a tiny slice of happiness, no matter how brief or fleeting. He ached with the desire to take away Ianto's pain, to help repair his broken soul.

And it felt right, the two of them together. Somewhere deep down, there was a strangely elusive, yet undeniable feeling that this was exactly where he was meant to be.

"Ianto, I…" Jack began but caught himself. "I like this… us… being with you. You know that, right?" he stumbled, inwardly cringing at his awkwardness.

"Mmm. Me too," Ianto replied drowsily. He burrowed closer, tugging the covers up over them. "Go to sleep, Jack," he mumbled.

Jack breathed out a sigh and tilted his head, pressing a kiss to Ianto's forehead. It definitely wasn't the time for any kind of meaningful discussion. He was still grieving, and he knew in his heart that neither of them was ready.

"'Night, Ianto," he murmured, feeling a stab of regret as he closed his eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:**

Sorry in advance for this chapter! *ducks for cover*

My sincere thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this story so far. Please let me know what you think of it. I really appreciate the feedback, and I reply to all reviews and messages. And if I get some more reviews, I might be able to post another chapter over the weekend :-).

Thanks as always to my amazing beta Prothrombintime.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Jack was sitting at his desk later the following week. He gazed out his office window and his thoughts wandered as he idly caressed his fingers along the length of his tie. He was wearing the tie that Ianto had given him the previous weekend. Ianto had even awarded him with a gentle smile of approval when Jack had arrived at work that morning.

As his thoughts drifted to the younger man, his confusion over their situation moved to the forefront of his mind.

Jack had recently arrived at the realisation that he was screwed. Utterly and completely screwed. And the worst part was, he only had himself to blame.

He was leading a strange double life. For the most part, at least as far as the outside world was concerned, he continued to be Gwen's flirtatious boyfriend. Behind closed doors, squirreled away from the world, he was the lover and confidant of a broken, reclusive Welshman. Even for him and his somewhat debaucherous past, it was an unprecedented situation. It was also rapidly becoming untenable. He wasn't someone who was comfortable with lies, omissions, half-truths, and deception. He had always tried to be true to himself and said to hell with anyone who judged or condemned him.

Not for the first time, he idly wondered why it was that he seemed to be drawn to these broken people – if it was some inherent yet misguided desire to fix them. He considered that perhaps they reflected the insecurities and fears he kept buried deep within himself. But Ianto wasn't fundamentally broken like John had been. Ianto's issues were mostly due to circumstance. Yet Jack couldn't help but worry that the outcome might be the same. Eventually he might have to admit defeat and walk away. Except this time, the cost to his heart would be far greater.

He was becoming disturbingly obsessed with Ianto. He found the Welshman invading his thoughts at often inconvenient and inappropriate times of the day and night. He longed to be with him, to hold him, to touch and make love to him. It wasn't like Jack at all. He wasn't someone who became overly enamoured with people. He would enjoy himself, do his best to give at least as much pleasure as he received, but he would never allow himself to get too attached. Attachments lead to complications and heartache, both of which he'd managed to avoid for the most part.

He could sometimes be slow on the uptake. He could be a bit oblivious, and he didn't always pay attention to the finer details of what was going on around him. So when the terrifying reality of his situation had finally slotted together in his mind, he knew that he shouldn't have felt nearly as stunned and shaken as he actually was. And he felt woefully ill-equipped to deal with these uncharted emotions. This wasn't some crush or passing fling; it was frighteningly real, deep, and potentially long-lasting.

He knew that he should cut his losses and move on. It's what he'd always done. That was the safe option. But somehow he felt certain that it would quite possibly be the biggest mistake of his life.

He sighed deeply. As much as he wanted to keep fighting it, he had finally surrendered to the simple, irrefutable truth – he was in love, and he had no idea what he was going to do about it.

* * *

It was two weeks later and they were sitting on the sofa in Ianto's flat, having just finished the pizza that Jack had picked up on his way over. Ianto had supplied a bottle of red wine to accompany their meal, and they were finishing it off while chatting idly.

"I've decided to end things with Gwen," Jack blurted out as he studied Ianto anxiously.

Ianto looked up sharply, his eyes wide. Jack saw what seemed to be an expression of panic pass across Ianto's features before he quickly drew them back into their usual impassive state.

"Oh," he replied blandly as he looked away. "Um, sorry," he mumbled after an awkward pause.

Jack shrugged, hoping he appeared unperturbed. "She and I aren't going anywhere. And I'm sure she's seeing someone else. She isn't around much these days."

Ianto nodded as he stared intently down at his glass.

"We won't have to sneak around anymore," Jack continued as he watched Ianto carefully.

A knot of anxiety settled uncomfortably in his stomach as he recognised the tension in the way Ianto was holding himself. He looked as if he might leap up and bolt out the door at any moment.

"You'll be able to stay over at mine sometimes," Jack suggested quietly, taking a final sip from his glass and putting it down on the table. "And we can hang out there together anytime you like."

Ianto looked up at Jack again. "Is this because of me?" he asked insistently, staring hard at Jack.

"No," Jack replied, shaking his head. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't entirely the truth either. "It would have happened sooner or later."

He paused and gave Ianto what he hoped was a genuine smile. "I want to be with you."

Ianto stared back down into his almost empty glass and an uncomfortable silence filled the room. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked eventually, his voice barely a whisper.

"I thought you should know first," Jack replied evenly. "I wanted you to know it will be easier now… and that there's no one else."

"But it doesn't change anything," Ianto said slowly. "We still work together. And I can't… I don't want a relationship. You know that, Jack."

Jack sighed. "I hate to break it to you, Ianto, but we're already in a relationship. Maybe not in a conventional sense, but you and me… we're something. We're a hell of a lot more than just friends."

"We have sex and sometimes we sleep together," Ianto stated derisively. "That's hardly a relationship."

Jack felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. "Is that all we are?" he retorted angrily before he could stop himself. He felt his body tense, and he glared at Ianto. "Is that all I am to you? I'm just… what… a part-time shag?"

Ianto looked up at Jack in surprise. "No," he answered. "No, of course not. I didn't mean that… but we're not like… we're not together. I can't…" he trailed off and turned away.

Jack forced himself to calm down and tentatively placed his hand on Ianto's leg and squeezed reassuringly. "I'm not asking you for anything more," he said quietly.

Ianto pulled back and the look of panic returned. "But you are. And I can't do that," he said, shaking his head desperately. "This… us… it's just a… a thing. It was never meant to be anything more." He paused and then added quietly, "One day soon, you'll find someone more interesting or better looking and you'll move on. You'll forget all about me."

Jack could hear the rest of the sentence in his head, _'And I'll be alone again.'_ He grasped Ianto's hand tightly. "I won't," he said beseechingly. "I could never forget you."

"Please don't," Ianto said miserably as he pulled his hand away.

"I like being with you," Jack continued. "That's what I'm trying to tell you… that I want to be with you. Just with you. And I know you like being with me. You're happy when we're together. I've seen it."

Ianto didn't answer. He just looked down at his hands, his face twisted in pain.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Jack asked. "You think I'm going to hurt you?"

"I can't," Ianto replied, shaking his head again. "I can't trust anyone again. Not like that."

"So, what then? You've decided to be alone for the rest of your life?" Jack demanded. He breathed out heavily and said in a calmer tone, "You think I don't get it, Ianto, but I do. You won't allow yourself to have hope. You refuse to believe that you could ever be happy again."

Jack softened his voice and continued, "You've built these impenetrable walls to protect yourself, to keep distant and safe, so no one can get in. You don't let anyone get close enough to hurt you. But deep down, maybe you just want someone to care enough to make the effort to break through."

"You don't understand," Ianto muttered.

"Maybe not," Jack allowed. "But I understand that you're scared." He looked at Ianto thoughtfully. "Is part of it because I'm a man? Are you ashamed of people knowing we're together?"

"No," Ianto insisted forcefully, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was Jack. "But this… it's new to me…"

"I know," Jack said gently. "And I'll be patient. I'll give you whatever time you need."

Ianto cut him off. "You shouldn't," he said shakily. "You should find someone else."

Jack cautiously moved closer to Ianto and reached for his hand again. "I don't want anyone else," Jack replied quietly, his tone resolute.

Ianto just shook his head sadly. "Jack, I can't. I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No, don't apologise," Jack said firmly. "I know that neither of us was looking for this. But in my experience what we have doesn't come along very often."

Ianto didn't reply and continued to look resignedly down at his hands.

Jack sighed deeply and stood up. "I should go," he said as he looked down at Ianto. "Just think about what I've said. I'll see you at work on Monday, okay?"

Ianto nodded and Jack leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Ianto…" he began, but then shook his head and sighed again. "I'll let myself out…"

He turned and moved towards the door. "Goodnight," he added without looking back.

Jack quickly collected his coat and shoes, and closed the front door behind him. He rubbed furiously at his eyes and walked away.

* * *

The following morning, Jack steered his car onto the M4 and began the journey to London. He'd woken early after a restless night, and felt a desperate need to get away from Cardiff for the weekend. Originally, he had planned to suggest to Ianto that they spend the day together, but after their conversation the night before, that was obviously not going to be a possibility. He was angry with himself and the situation. And despite himself, and knowing how unfair it was, he was angry with Ianto too. But beyond the anger was the horrible fear that he had done irreparable damage to what he and Ianto had, however tenuous it may have been.

So, he'd told Gwen he was heading up to London for the weekend to visit some old friends, thrown a few essentials into a bag and taken off.

He had been driving for about fifteen minutes. A thick layer of fog had descended over the area, and he cursed the miserable Welsh weather. He drove through a familiar dip in the road and as he reached the crest, a wave of panic speared through him. In an instant, he saw the jack-knifed lorry and the numerous cars piled up in front of it. He knew immediately he was in trouble and belatedly realised he was driving much too fast.

Jack frantically hit the brakes and turned the steering wheel. His car spun wildly, and hit the railing with a deafening crash.

Time seemed to slow as his car flipped over and began to tumble. Blinding pain tore through Jack's leg as the repeated impacts jarred brutally at his body and the sound of tearing metal filled his ears.

The image of a smiling Welshman formed in his mind as Jack realised that these were very possibly the final moments of his life. Then his head hit the roof with a sickening thud and the world went dark.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Ianto sat in the expansive waiting area, looking around nervously at the throng of people filling the space. He jumped up from his chair and moved forward as he spotted Owen walking wearily towards him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, mate," Owen apologised. "It's a mad house here. We've been run off our feet."

Ianto reached forward and grabbed Owen's arm. "Owen, where's Jack? Is he all right?" he asked insistently, anxiety clouding his features.

Owen glanced briefly around the crowded room before turning back to look at his friend.

"Ianto, we need to talk," he said quietly, trying to keep his professional demeanour firmly in place. "Let's go somewhere more private."

He indicated for Ianto to follow him down one of the corridors. After several turns, they reached a small office, and Owen ushered Ianto inside before closing the door behind them.

"Sit down, mate," Owen suggested as he leaned against the back of the desk and waited for Ianto to sit down on the compact sofa in front of him.

"Please, Owen, just tell me what's going on," Ianto pleaded as he sat on the edge of the seat, his hands clasped tightly together. "You said on the phone that Jack's been hurt. What happened?"

Owen sighed and moved to the sofa and sat down next to Ianto. "He was in a car crash," he answered. "There was a pile-up on the M4 just outside of the city early this morning. A lorry lost control and visibility was poor because of the fog. A lot of people were injured. Jack was one of them. As soon as I heard about him, I called you. I thought you'd want to know and we haven't been able to contact anyone else yet."

Owen paused, seeing the fear etched across Ianto's features. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Ianto's shoulder. "It's bad, Ianto."

Ianto nodded shakily. "Tell me," he whispered.

"He sustained major head trauma and his right leg is badly injured," Owen explained grimly. "He's in surgery at the moment."

Ianto visibly paled, and a look of horror spread over his face. Then he seemed to collect himself and he nodded mutely, indicating for Owen to continue.

"He has a subdural hematoma. That means there's bleeding inside his skull. We had to operate to relieve the pressure or the swelling of his brain will kill him. They're working on his leg as well. He's lost a lot of blood. He was lucky not to bleed out before they got him here."

"Oh, God," Ianto mumbled as he slumped back into the seat and buried his face in his hands.

A long moment later, he looked up at Owen with tear filled eyes. "Is he going to make it?" he choked out.

"Honestly? It's touch and go," Owen replied carefully as he rubbed distractedly at his temple. "If he survives the surgery, he's got a chance. But he'll most likely be in a coma until his brain can heal, and there's no guarantee he'll wake up. It's a dangerous procedure, and there can be complications."

Owen gazed worriedly at his friend. Ianto looked like his entire world had fallen apart again. His face was deathly pale and his hands were trembling visibly. Owen vividly remembered how Ianto had been after Lisa and was somewhat stunned to see that Ianto's condition now wasn't very dissimilar. It was suddenly obvious that this thing with Jack was a lot more serious than Ianto had let on.

He realised sadly that his fear that Jack would hurt Ianto was likely to come true, just not in the way he'd anticipated. And he had seen enough similar cases in the past to know that Jack's prognosis was grave.

Owen shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, mate. That's all I know for now."

"Thanks, Owen," Ianto replied automatically as he wiped roughly at his face. "Can I wait here?" he asked. "Until he's out of surgery?"

"You should go home," Owen replied gently. "I'll call you as soon as there's any news."

"I can't," Ianto said emphatically, shaking his head. "I can't sit at home and wonder if he's still alive… if I'll ever see him again. I need to be here. I want to see him when he comes out."

"Okay, mate," Owen agreed reluctantly. "Yeah, you can wait in here. I'll make sure no one disturbs you."

Owen leaned back into the sofa, exhaustion from the frantic day starting to finally hit him. "We need to find out who else to contact."

Ianto nodded slightly. "There's Gwen. She might be at work. Jack said his mother lives in America. And there's a brother in Australia, but I think they're estranged. I don't know about any other relatives."

"All right. What about Tosh?"

"Yeah, she should know," Ianto agreed. "I can call her."

"Okay. You do that, and I'll get us some coffee." Owen hauled himself to his feet and moved to the door. "Stay here. I'll be back in a few."

Owen returned several minutes later with strong coffee for himself and tea for Ianto. He'd decided that coffee probably wasn't the best thing for him right now. Handing the mug of tea to Ianto, he sat back down next to the Welshman and studied him surreptitiously as he slowly sipped at his coffee. Ianto looked shaken and was clearly distraught.

"Drink," Owen encouraged gently. "It'll help."

Ianto nodded and tentatively raised the mug to his lips and took a sip.

"It's serious isn't it? You and Jack," Owen asked after several minutes of silence had passed.

Ianto turned his head and looked at Owen in confusion. "No, it's just… I don't know what it is… it's… complicated," he said lamely.

"But you care about him?"

"We're friends," Ianto replied, shifting his gaze to the floor.

Owen breathed out in exasperation. "No offence mate, but from what I'm seeing, it's a hell of a lot more than that." He paused as a thought suddenly occurred to him. "Do you love him?" he asked quietly.

"No!" Ianto exclaimed and glared at Owen. "We're not like that."

"Okay. I'm not judging," Owen returned, holding up a hand in contrition. "Look, I know I haven't been his biggest fan, but from what you've said, he seems like a decent bloke. And if you like him, and he makes you happy… well that's all that really matters in the end isn't it?"

Ianto shrugged and looked away again. "We had dinner together last night at my flat," he murmured. "He told me he wanted to break up with Gwen. He said he wanted to be with me…" Ianto paused and let out a plaintive sob. "I said I couldn't, that I didn't want a relationship with him. I hurt him, Owen. I could see it in his eyes."

Owen reached his arm over and wrapped it around Ianto's shoulders, pulling him into a rough sideways hug. "I'm sure he understood," he mumbled awkwardly.

Owen's pager beeped. Looking down at it he said, "That might be Tosh asking for me at reception. I'll just go and find her. Okay, if I bring her in here?"

Ianto responded with a small nod. Owen hurried from the room and headed towards reception. He soon spotted Tosh standing near the front desk and moved over to greet her.

"Owen, hi. What's happening with Jack?" she asked anxiously. "Ianto didn't say much. He sounded very upset."

Owen nodded and guided her over to a quiet corner. He gave Tosh a summarised version of what he'd told Ianto earlier about Jack's condition.

"I can't believe it, Owen. Not Jack," she said in despair.

"Look, Tosh," Owen began. "Ianto isn't doing too well. If Jack doesn't make it, and frankly, it's not looking good, I'm worried about what it will do to him."

"What do you mean?" Tosh asked, looking confused. "Sorry," she added quickly, apparently realising that she must have sounded callous. "They're friends and they get on well together at work, but…"

Realisation flashed across her face. "Oh, my God," she whispered. "Do you mean they've been seeing each other?"

Owen nodded reluctantly. "But Ianto isn't…" she said in confusion. "The whole time I've known him, there was only Lisa. I just assumed…"

"As far as I know, Jack is the first bloke he's been with," Owen explained. "He says it's not serious, but the way he looked before, it was like…"

Tosh cut him off. "Like Lisa all over again?"

"Yeah," Owen said grimly.

Tosh shook her head in disbelief. "It seems mad," she said. "When they started working together, I thought they hated each other. I was worried they were going to come to blows or something."

Owen shrugged. "Fine line between love and hate I guess."

"You don't think they're in love?" Tosh asked incredulously.

"Dunno, Tosh. For Ianto's sake, I hope not. Just don't say anything about any of this. No one else knows. If Ianto wants to tell you, he will in his own time."

Tosh nodded. "Of course."

"I'm such an idiot," she stated in a self-deprecating tone after a moment. "I should have realised. I've seen the way Jack looks at Ianto sometimes, but well, with Jack, it's hard to tell."

Noticing Owen's scowl, she quickly added, "But he really cares about Ianto. I see that all the time. I just never thought it was anything more than friendship."

"What about Gwen?" she asked. "Is she here?"

"No, not yet," Owen replied. "And Ianto said something about Jack telling him that he was going to split up with her."

"This is awful. If Jack doesn't…" She stopped and swallowed back a sob. "If he doesn't make it, Ianto is going to be devastated."

"Yeah. He's going to need both of us. That's why I wanted to talk to you first. I've put Ianto in one of the offices. He's refusing to leave, says he wants to see Jack. Can you just sit with him for a bit? Keep an eye on him? I've got patients I need to see. I'll let you both know as soon as there's any news."

Tosh nodded determinedly. "Absolutely. Don't worry, Owen, I'll stay with him."

Owen gave her a small but grateful smile and guided her down to the office to wait with Ianto.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Tosh sat close to Ianto, holding his hand in a vice-like grip. She wasn't sure if it was more for his sake or hers. She was trying valiantly to keep from turning and looking at her friend too often. The last thing Ianto needed was to witness the distress and anxiety that she felt sure were etched across her features. Not that she was finding it easy to look at Ianto anyway. The fear and pain in his eyes were almost too much to bear.

The minutes passed with interminable slowness. It felt like time had ground to a halt, trapping them in this horrible nightmare. As each second passed, she wondered if the next would be the final, terrible moment when Owen would open the door and tell them that Jack was no longer with them. She wanted to scream and rage at the injustice of it all. Jack didn't deserve this, Ianto didn't deserve it, none of them did.

Her mind wandered back to the day before when they had all been at work together, safe and unaware of what fate had planned for them. They had been standing around her desk when Jack made some silly, inappropriate joke. She'd laughed easily while Ianto had quirked an eyebrow, but his slight frown had been betrayed by the amusement alight in his eyes and the brief upward movement of the corners of his mouth.

Jack and Ianto. She was still reeling from the earlier revelation. Jack she could understand, although she was disappointed that he'd apparently been cheating on Gwen. She quickly admonished herself for jumping to conclusions when she didn't know the full story. For all she knew, Gwen was seeing other people too. Ianto on the other hand, was far more of a surprise. Her head was filled with questions and she wondered again how she had missed the signs that must have been apparent had she been more observant. But regardless of the details of how it had happened, it was clear that Jack had managed to capture a piece of Ianto's shattered heart.

Several hours had passed. Owen had checked in a couple of times, and she had left once to find some coffee. She'd brought a bottle of water back for Ianto and managed to coax him into taking a few sips, but he'd been mostly unresponsive since she had arrived. Ianto seemed to have retreated into himself, his face unmoving and emotionless, his body rigid and unnervingly still.

"Ianto, do you want something else to drink? Maybe something to eat?" she asked softly, trying to find anything to say to break the silence. She squeezed Ianto's hand a little to encourage a response.

"No, thanks," Ianto replied with a firm shake of his head as he seemed to regain some awareness. "But you should get something for yourself."

"No, I'm fine," she murmured. "Just looking for a distraction I suppose."

Ianto nodded slightly, and there was silence again. A few moments later, he turned and looked at her pleadingly. "Tosh, what if he doesn't make it?" he asked in a strained whisper.

"We can't think like that," she replied, trying to sound reassuring and desperately hoping her voice wouldn't break. She squeezed his hand again. "Not yet. Not until we know something definite."

"I can't help it. I just… what if we never see him again…" Ianto paused and sighed. Then he pulled back a little and looked at her searchingly. "You know, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Tosh asked carefully, forcing herself to meet his gaze.

Ianto frowned. "About me and Jack."

"I'd wondered," she hedged and gave him a small nod. She didn't want Ianto to think that Owen had betrayed him, and in truth he hadn't, not really. "But I didn't know until today, when I saw how upset you are."

Ianto leaned back and closed his eyes, as if afraid of seeing condemnation written across her features. "It wasn't meant to be anything," Ianto mumbled as he let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't want this, not after Lisa. But I… he's… I can't explain it… I just… I like being with him."

He paused and opened his eyes again, catching her gaze briefly before looking down at their joined hands. "It's weird. I'd never imagined being with a man before, not like this. And I knew it couldn't last, not with someone like Jack."

Raising his free hand, he rubbed at the back of his neck and added quietly, "But it was nice… not to feel lonely. Just for a little while."

Tosh nodded in understanding. "I think he cares about you more than you realise. Perhaps a lot more than you want him to."

"Maybe," Ianto said indifferently with a slight shrug. "Last night, he… he said that he wanted us to be together," he admitted awkwardly.

"That proves it then," Tosh said firmly. "What about Gwen?" she asked tentatively. "Does she know anything?"

"I don't think so," Ianto replied, looking away guiltily. "Jack said he was going to end things with her. He said he thought she was seeing someone else."

"I wonder what she'll do now," Tosh pondered aloud.

"I don't know," Ianto said, looking back at her with a puzzled expression. "Why isn't she here? Owen said they haven't been able to reach her."

Tosh shook her head in confusion. She didn't have an answer for that. She just hoped that things weren't going to become difficult when Gwen eventually did turn up.

Two hours later, Owen returned and closed the door behind him. Ianto immediately jumped to his feet. Tosh quickly stood too, still holding on firmly to Ianto's hand.

"Owen?" Ianto asked anxiously.

Owen leaned back against the desk and exhaled wearily. "Jack's out of surgery. He's being moved to the neuro ICU upstairs. For the moment, he's stable."

Ianto collapsed into the chair and scrubbed his hands over his face. Tosh sank down next to him again and then gently reclaimed his hand.

"Is he going to be okay?" Ianto asked, looking up at Owen apprehensively.

"I've spoken to Jack's neurosurgeon," Owen continued. "He said the surgery went as well as could be expected. But the next few days are going to be critical. We'll keep monitoring him, watch for any complications, and hope that once he's had time to begin healing, he'll wake up."

Ianto nodded. "Can I see him?" he asked.

"Yeah, mate. Once they've got him settled, one of the nurses will let me know, and I'll take you up to see him." Owen looked at Tosh beseechingly. "Tosh, I'll take Ianto up first, and then I'll come back for you."

"Of course. Thanks, Owen," Tosh agreed with a nod, understanding Owen's reasons for giving Ianto time to see Jack first.

She turned to Ianto and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Jack was alive, and at least he had a chance of recovery. Now, at least, they had some hope. It was more than they'd had a few minutes ago.

A while later, Owen lead Ianto to the door of Jack's room. Before they entered, Owen stopped and grasped Ianto's arm, holding him back.

"Ianto, it's going to be hard for you to see Jack like this," Owen said quietly as he looked at his friend with concern. "It's going to be a shock, and you need to be prepared for the worst. He's face and head are badly bruised and swollen from both the accident and the surgery. And he's been intubated as a precaution. That's normal for severe head trauma as breathing can be compromised."

Ianto nodded absently but his expression betrayed his fear.

"Part of his skull has been left open to accommodate the swelling," Owen continued evenly. "And there's a tube attached to his head that's draining the blood from his brain to relieve the pressure."

"I understand, Owen," Ianto replied, still looking fearful but also determined.

"Okay, mate," Owen said. "Let's go in."

Ianto let out a gasp of shock as he stared at the bed containing Jack's unconscious and heavily bandaged body. Jack's features were almost unrecognizable due to severe swelling, and his skin was mottled with vivid purple bruises. An intubation tube extended from his mouth and was connected to the nearby ventilation machine which hissed ominously as it slowly rose up and down, pushing air into Jack's lungs.

A second tube trailed from Jack's skull, and was draining blood into a nearby canister. The pillow under Jack's heavily bandaged head was stained with blood. A catheter was hooked up to a bag hanging from the side of the bed. Multiple cardiac leads were affixed to Jack's chest and ran up to a monitor that beeped steadily overhead. Several bags containing fluids and medications hung from a pole and ran into the IV in his right arm. Jack's left upper arm was wrapped in a blood pressure cuff. It periodically inflated and deflated, adding to the omnipresent noise of the equipment surrounding the bed.

"Jack…" Ianto whispered as he stared in horror, neither moving closer nor turning away. A stray tear slid down his cheek as his eyes welled up.

Owen moved a chair close to the bed and ushered Ianto gently forward. Ianto collapsed into the chair, his legs seeming to give out from under him. Ianto began to reach out towards Jack's hand, but he stopped halfway and looked up at Owen as if to ask permission.

Owen nodded. "It's okay, Ianto. Just don't touch his head," he said quietly.

Ianto turned back to Jack. He carefully took Jack's hand in his own and entwined their fingers together. He stared wide-eyed at Jack's distorted face.

"I'm here, Jack," he murmured as he stroked his thumb across the back of Jack's hand. "I'll be here as long as you need me. Until you get better."

Owen sighed deeply. "Just don't expect a miracle, Ianto. There's no way of knowing how long it might take for him to wake up."

"I know," Ianto replied with a slight nod.

Owen gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and silently left the room.

* * *

"Oh, God, Jack…"

Ianto jerked his head up abruptly and immediately released his grip on Jack's hand as he looked up at Gwen's distraught features. Standing up, he began to speak. "Gwen…"

He didn't get any further as Gwen quickly moved closer and pulled him into a fierce hug, burying her face in his shoulder. "Ianto, sweetheart," she murmured as she held onto him tightly.

Ianto stood still, awkwardly accepting the embrace, and patting at Gwen's back uncertainly. After Gwen had pulled away, Ianto indicated the chair he'd just vacated and she sat down. He dragged the other visitor's chair closer and sank down into it.

"How is he?" Gwen asked quietly as she stared at Jack.

She started to reach out towards him, but then suddenly pulled back and looked over at Ianto.

"He's stable for the moment," Ianto replied. "They said the surgery went well, but they don't know how long it will take for him to wake up. It could be days, or weeks, or…"

"Or, not at all?" Gwen interjected apprehensively as tears filled her eyes.

Ianto nodded mutely and absently tugged a handkerchief from his pocket, passing it to her. They sat in silence for several minutes as Gwen dabbed at her eyes.

"Do you want me to…" Ianto began and waved vaguely towards the door.

Gwen shook her head. "No. Please stay."

"How long have you been here?" she asked, looking at Ianto with concern.

"Since I found out," Ianto replied with a shrug. "About lunchtime yesterday. I went home for a bit this morning just to shower and change."

Gwen nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

Ianto shook his head. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing anyone can do, Gwen. I just… I didn't want him to be alone until you got here."

They sat in silence, each lost in their thoughts. Eventually Gwen broke her gaze from Jack and turned around. "Ianto, we should talk. Is there somewhere we can go and get a coffee?"

"Er… there's the cafeteria downstairs," Ianto replied hesitantly.

"Okay," Gwen said, standing up and moving towards the door.

Ianto stood to follow, but wavered, glancing at Gwen and then back down at Jack. After a moment, he slowly moved towards the door.

Several minutes later Ianto placed a cup in front of Gwen. "Here you go," he mumbled and lowered himself into the seat opposite, putting down his own cup.

They were sitting at a small table in a quiet corner of the large, almost deserted space.

Gwen gave him a small smile of thanks and took a sip from her drink, screwing up her face slightly at the somewhat unpleasant taste. Lowering the cup, she looked at Ianto intently as he returned her gaze impassively. She cleared her throat and after a brief pause she began to speak.

"Ianto, I know about you and Jack."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Ianto froze, and then he looked at Gwen in horror. His eyes opened wide and his mouth fell open before he lowered his head and broke eye contact.

"Gwen, I…" he began, as he scrubbed his hand nervously over his face, and then stopped uncertainly, looking lost for words.

Gwen reached across the table and touched his arm gently. "It's okay," she said softly, her eyes red rimmed and somewhat puffy from the tears she'd shed earlier. "I'm not upset. I've known about it for quite a while."

Ianto looked up, his expression a mixture of confusion and guilt. "How did… did Jack…?" he asked unsteadily, pulling back slightly from the table as if trying to distance himself from the conversation.

Gwen shook her head, looking down at her cup of coffee and fiddling idly with the handle. "I followed Jack one night," she began, her face flushing slightly with embarrassment. "I saw him go into the St. David's. I waited for a few hours but he never came back out."

Ianto nodded warily and shuffled a little in his seat as he waited for Gwen to continue.

"He didn't come home, so I went back early the next morning and watched," Gwen explained, glancing up briefly at Ianto before looking down again. "I saw Jack leave and head towards home. I didn't know who he'd been with or if it would be anyone I knew…" She gave a small shrug. "But I had a feeling, so I waited anyway."

She looked up again and met Ianto's eyes. "And then I saw you leave about an hour later."

Ianto averted his eyes and stared down at his hands for a moment. Then he looked back up and met Gwen's watchful gaze. "I'm sorry, Gwen," he replied quietly, his voice shaky and filled with regret. "We should never have…" He paused and shook his head sadly. "You shouldn't have had to find out like that."

"It's okay, Ianto," Gwen said gently, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture. "It was hardly my finest moment, sneaking around and stalking my boyfriend," she admitted with a small self-deprecatingly smile.

"It wasn't that I was angry," she explained as she picked up her cup and took a sip, looking out the nearby window at the dull, grey morning. "It was just that I needed to know. The night before that, Jack and I had a talk. We agreed that we weren't ready to be exclusive. I suspected there was someone else… and I'd wondered about you… but I needed to know for sure."

She paused and brought her focus back to Ianto, looking at him earnestly. "I wanted to be sure that it was all right for me to see someone else too."

Ianto looked up at Gwen in surprise. "There's someone else?" he asked, his voice low and tentative.

Gwen nodded. "He's a photographer I met at a photo shoot. It was before I found out about you and Jack. His name is Rhys."

Her eyes softened as she said his name. "He's nothing like Jack, he's very ordinary and down to earth. But he's nice… he's so gentle and kind-hearted."

Apparently realising how that must have sounded, she flinched and quickly added, "Not that Jack isn't wonderful… it's just… it's different with Rhys."

Gwen paused with a sigh and pushed her cup away to the side. "Jack and I… it was never going to be serious." Her expression flickered with wistful sadness. "He's gorgeous and charming. He's like a fantasy… like something out of a movie. He's Prince Charming. I was smitten with him almost from the moment we met."

Smiling slightly, Ianto nodded. "I think he has that effect on most people," he suggested wryly.

"You too?" Gwen asked curiously.

"Well, no. Actually, I thought he was a bit of a tosser at first," Ianto admitted, looking a little abashed.

"Impervious to his charms?" Gwen said with a chuckle. "You must have annoyed the hell out of him… although he does like a challenge."

"But I think he needs that," she added thoughtfully a moment later. "He needs someone who doesn't fall for his showing off. Someone to keep him grounded and not let that ego of his go unchecked."

Ianto gave a small nod in response but remained silent.

"When Jack and I met, I'd just broken up with someone else," she continued more seriously. "I suppose I was vulnerable and lonely, and Jack had just moved here and didn't really know anyone. We just kind of found each other at the right time."

She stopped for a minute, looking wistful again. "We never made each other any promises… but we were living together, so for a while I wasn't sure where I stood. I didn't know what Jack wanted either. But we talked, and then I found out about you… it was a relief in a way."

Ianto raised an eyebrow and looked at her in confusion. "I didn't feel like I'd be cheating on Jack," she added in explanation. "So, then I started seeing Rhys."

"We've kept it casual so far," she added. "But I know Rhys wants me to end things properly with Jack."

Gwen looked at Ianto pleadingly. "Ianto, I do love Jack. Maybe he even loves me a little bit too… I don't want you to think…" she trailed off uncertainly.

Ianto nodded. "You need to follow your heart," he said quietly.

"Yes," Gwen said with relief. "For all our sakes. Jack and I are better just as friends," she added, sounding more certain.

Then her face filled with pain, and she clutched her hands together. "I was with Rhys yesterday and last night," she admitted awkwardly. "That's why they couldn't reach me. No one knew where I was. I had my phone turned off. Jack said he was going to London for the weekend to visit some friends, and he thought I was going to be at work."

She looked up at Ianto miserably. "I should have been here."

"It's all right, Gwen," Ianto offered, reaching out and patting her hand gently. "There's no way you could have known."

Gwen sniffed and nodded absently. "Does Jack know?" she asked suddenly. "Did he say anything about me?"

"He just said that he thought there was someone else," Ianto answered cautiously.

Gwen nodded and an expression of relief passed across her face. She looked at Ianto appraisingly. "Jack was right about you."

"What do you mean?" Ianto asked, a small frown forming between his eyebrows.

"He said you're a good friend, and a good listener," Gwen answered. "He probably tells you a lot about himself."

"Gwen…" Ianto began.

"It's okay," she reassured him. "Jack's a talker, and I am too. It's not the best combination. I'm not good at just listening, and he doesn't really talk to me very much."

"He does talk about you though," she continued, smiling at Ianto warmly. "Just about things at work. He always says how amazing you are and how he'd be lost without you. And I see something in his eyes when he mentions you… it's obvious how much he adores you."

Ianto dropped his eyes and frowned more deeply, a look of pain contorting his face. "I like him too," he said in little more than a whisper.

"I always knew that Jack was…" Gwen mused as she looked at Ianto studiously. "Well, he flirts with everyone. But I wasn't sure about you."

"I wasn't either," Ianto returned sardonically. "I'm still not." He looked at Gwen searchingly and then sighed deeply. "Jack is my first… he's the first man I've been with."

"Oh, wow," Gwen exclaimed, her eyes wide. "This must all be rather confusing for you then?"

"That's one way of putting it," Ianto admitted dryly.

Gwen reached over and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Ianto, I meet a lot of different people in my job. And what I've realised is that none of that matters. If you can find someone to love, and who loves you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says."

"Jack and I…" Ianto replied hurriedly. "We're not…" he added awkwardly. "It's complicated," he settled on with another sigh.

Gwen nodded knowingly. "Well, we've got one thing in common at least. Other than being Welsh that is."

"Oh, what's that?" Ianto asked curiously.

Gwen grinned. "We've both got brilliant taste in men."

Ianto chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'll give us that."

Ianto stared at Gwen for a moment, and she raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I'm sorry," he said ruefully, shaking his head slightly. "It's just that this isn't how I imagined the conversation would go."

"What were you expecting?" Gwen asked with a look that was a mixture of intrigue and amusement.

Ianto shrugged. "Well, some slapping and shouting at least. Loads of swearing. Maybe some hair pulling." He grimaced almost comically.

Gwen chuckled slightly. "We are being very mature and civilised," she agreed easily. "I wonder what Jack would think?"

"Equally pleased and disappointed I expect," Ianto suggested. "He has a fondness for the dramatic. I imagine he'd find the idea of two people fighting over him rather appealing."

"Absolutely. He'd love it," Gwen said with a brief smile, but it quickly faltered.

They were both silent as the moment passed, and the reality of the situation seemed to come crashing back down upon them.

Gwen eventually spoke again. "Are you going to keep staying with him?"

Ianto nodded. "I'd like to. I'm going to talk to my boss tomorrow and organise some time off. At least until he wakes up." He looked at Gwen anxiously. "Is that all right?"

"Of course it is, sweetheart," she replied immediately. "You should be the one here with him. I'm sure Jack would want that."

"Okay," Ianto replied. "Er… thanks, Gwen."

"I'll visit when I can, but I won't get in the way," she said firmly. "Just let me know if there's anything I can do, or anytime you need a break and want me to sit with him," she urged. "And will you let me know when anything happens?"

"Of course I will," Ianto answered sincerely.

Gwen reached into her bag and pulled out a small piece of paper, passing it across the table to Ianto.

"I've written down all of my contact numbers," she explained. "I also wrote down the number for Jack's mum in America… I don't know if anyone has spoken to her yet, and I wasn't sure if I should… or if you would want to…" she broke off and looked at Ianto doubtfully.

"I was wondering about that," Ianto replied as he looked down at the sheet of paper apprehensively. Then he folded it carefully and slipped it into his wallet. "I'll ask Owen if she's been contacted. If not, I can call her."

Gwen nodded, and gave Ianto a sad but genuine smile.

With nothing left to say, they both stood and exited the cafeteria, walking side by side. Gwen slipped her arm around Ianto's as they made their way back upstairs to sit with Jack.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Early the following morning, Ianto entered Jack's hospital room. He quietly eased himself into the chair and pulled it close to the bed. After watching Jack anxiously for several minutes, he began talking in a low voice.

"Jack, it's me. It's Ianto. I'm back. I don't know if you can hear me. Owen said that I should keep talking to you and holding your hand. Then if you can hear or feel anything, you've got something to cling to… something to ground you and help you to find your way back to us."

Leaning forward in the chair, he gently took Jack's hand and wrapped it in both of his own, squeezing slightly.

"If you could see this, I bet you'd be laughing at me. You can be a smug bugger sometimes. Well most of the time, actually. You'd be laughing at me, sitting here holding onto your hand as if my life depended on it. But it's your life that's hanging in the balance, Jack. And I'll keep holding on until you wake up. Then you can laugh at me as much as you want. I don't care. I just want to see you open your eyes."

Ianto paused and rubbed at the back of his neck. He sighed deeply.

"I'm not much of a talker, Jack. You know that. You're the one who talks, and I'm the one who listens. That's how it works with us. Apparently, you think I'm a good listener… Gwen told me you said that. So you're going to have to bear with me. I'm not going to be good at this, but I suppose that doesn't matter. I'll keep talking to you, and hope that you can hear me and that it helps. And I'm not going anywhere... I'm going to stay here with you until you wake up. You're not alone, Jack. I'm right here. And I'm not giving up on you, so don't you dare give up on me, okay? Have we got a deal?"

Ianto tangled his fingers with Jack's and stared at their joined hands for a long moment.

"Good. Just remember that you have to keep fighting. You need to find your way back to us. And you're going to, Jack… you're going to wake up. You're too bloody stubborn to give up this easily. And we're all here. We're waiting for you. Me and Tosh, Gwen, even Owen, we all want you to wake up and get better."

Pausing again, Ianto leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes. He breathed in deeply before he looked at Jack again.

"I spoke to your mum on the phone today. I hope I did the right thing by calling her. I hope it's what you would have wanted. She's scared… she's terrified that she's going to lose you. And she wishes that she was here with you. I didn't know what to say. I can't imagine how hard this must be for her, thousands of miles away and not knowing if she'll ever see you or talk to you again… But I don't want you to worry about any of that… I promised her that I'll call every day and that I'll be here with you. I hope it helps her to know that you're not alone. I told her that you've got one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. Owen says Doctor Smith is brilliant and that you're in good hands. So, I told her that you're getting the best possible treatment… I didn't know what else to say."

"I was a bit shocked that your mum knew who I was. I never imagined that you'd told her about me. I'm a bit worried about what you told her… knowing you, it's probably better if I don't know, yeah? I'm sure it involves the loss of my dignity, but then you've always been good at that… no change there, then."

He stopped talking as the hint of a sad smile ghosted across his features.

"She seems lovely, Jack. She asked me to remind you how much she loves you. And she thanked me for calling, and said she was glad her son had his best friend at his side. I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know you thought of me that way. She wants you to get better so you can go and visit her. She misses you. So you need to get better for her too."

He let out a shaky breath, and his expression became distressed. He edged closer to Jack.

"I need to tell you something. I'm sorry for what happened. I know I hurt you. You caught me off guard, and I didn't handle it well. I'm sorry for being so screwed up. I keep thinking that if things had been different that night, you might have stayed with me, and maybe you wouldn't have been on the road that morning. I'll make myself crazy if I keep thinking like that. I'll never forgive myself if that was our last time together…" he broke off as his voice trembled. "Please don't do that to me," he added in a ragged whisper.

Squeezing Jack's hand again, Ianto studied Jack's unresponsive features for a long while. Then he closed his eyes, and the room was silent except for the rasping sound of the ventilator and the low, steady drone of the heart monitor.

* * *

Ianto settled into a routine of sorts over the next several days.

After talking with Gwen, he'd spoken to Alex, informing him of Jack's condition and stating that he would be absent from work for an indefinite period of time. Alex had been sympathetic to the situation, knowing that Jack didn't have any family nearby, and had readily agreed to Ianto taking whatever time he needed.

Ianto spent every moment he could at Jack's bedside. He'd told Owen that his greatest fear, other than Jack not waking up at all, was that he would wake up alone or without someone familiar at his side. He'd said determinedly that when Jack did wake up, he would be there and be able to reassure his friend that everything was going to be all right.

Gwen supplied some of Jack's favourite books, and Ianto brought in some others from his own collection. He would spend hours reading to Jack and holding his hand.

As the days slowly slipped by, Tosh and Gwen took turns visiting when they could, giving Ianto brief periods of respite. More often than not, they would have to drag Ianto away from Jack's side, insisting he ate or went home for a few hours of sleep.

The days continued to pass, interminably and blanketed in despair.

* * *

Owen leaned against the door frame and watched worriedly. Ianto was sitting in his usual position, chair pulled close up by the side of the bed. He was murmuring softly as he read from a small book of what appeared to be Welsh poetry. Jack's hand was held securely in his own, his eyes moving regularly between the worn pages and Jack's unmoving features.

Eventually, Owen cleared his throat and moved slowly into the room. Ianto looked up abruptly. He gave Owen a nod in greeting, but then quickly returned his attention to Jack.

"How are you holding up?" Owen asked quietly as he stood beside Ianto and studied the Welshman intently.

Ianto put down the book and sighed, leaning back into the chair and closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm okay," he said finally, his voice subdued.

Owen shook his head. "You don't look okay, mate. You need to get out of here for a while and get some rest. You're not going to be any help to Jack if you collapse from exhaustion."

Ianto looked determined. "I need to be here, Owen. Jack needs me."

Owen sighed and retrieved a chair, sitting down next to his friend.

Several minutes passed as Ianto continued to watch Jack. The Welshman's face was drawn from fatigue, his expression had become blank and devoid of emotion. Owen alternated between looking worriedly at Ianto and then at Jack.

Suddenly, Ianto turned to Owen. "It's been eight days, Owen. Why won't he wake up? What's wrong?" His voice began to shake, and his impassive mask slipped as his eyes filled with tears.

"I spoke to Doctor Smith earlier," Owen replied, his voice even. "Jack's latest scans were good. But there's no timeline here, every injury and every patient is different. The fact that he hasn't woken up yet doesn't mean anything is wrong. He has a lot of healing to do, and it takes time."

Ianto nodded despondently, his eyes not meeting Owen's troubled gaze.

"Ianto, you need to get some rest. I'll phone Tosh and she can come over and sit with Jack. Then you can come home with me for a bit. Katie will feed you and you can get some sleep. Then I'll bring you back later. All right, mate?"

Ianto looked like he was about to protest, but Owen's tone and stern look indicated that he was only going to accept one answer.

"Okay," Ianto replied reluctantly with a slight nod as he wiped at his eyes.

* * *

Two days later, Ianto had spent most of the day reading to Jack. By early evening, his voice was beginning to grow hoarse. He closed the book resignedly, putting it back on the small table next to the bed. Grabbing his water bottle, he took several gulps, and sighed wearily.

"I'm starting to get scared, Jack. Bloody hell, who am I kidding… I've been terrified since the moment I walked into this place. I hate hospitals. I hate being surrounded by death and people who are sick and suffering. And all the people like me, sitting here, hoping… waiting for the treatments to work or for a miracle to happen. The last time I was here, it was when Lisa… it still feels like it only happened yesterday. But I can't think about that now. If I do, I'll fall apart again. I can't do that when you need me."

Closing his eyes, Ianto's face contorted with pain. A minute later he shook himself and opening his eyes, he gazed back at Jack.

"I miss your smile. I don't think I realised how much I like your smile, and how much it means to me. It seems to have been so long since I last saw it. It's not the sort of thing you think about is it? It just became part of my day. Along with watching you flirt outrageously, or listening to you make inappropriate comments. Every day, you do something to make me smile – even though I try to hide it a lot of the time. And you annoy me. You do a lot of that too. Hell, sometimes you drive me completely balmy. It's weird, but I miss that too. I miss all of it. I miss feeling how I do when you're around. Before you came along, I hadn't laughed about anything for a long time…"

A slight glimmer of a wistful smile passed over his lips before his features became impassive once again.

"I still wonder what you see when you look at me. I'm not deluded enough to think that I'm anything special… let's face it, Jack, we both know you could have anyone you want. But when we're alone, and you look at me… I don't think anyone has ever looked at me the way you do, not even Lisa. But what I see in your eyes… it scares me, and sometimes I try to imagine what it could mean… and then I start to think about what might have happened if we'd met years ago, before everything went wrong for me. You were probably spot on when you said the timing wouldn't have been right. I wouldn't have been ready, and we might not have even given each other a second glance. But sometimes I wonder how it could have been and where we would be now."

He sighed and with an expression of intense sadness, he studied Jack's features. He gave Jack's hand a reassuring squeeze and tenderly caressed Jack's palm and the soft skin on the inside of his wrist.

"You're a good friend. I should have told you that. The best I've ever had if I'm completely honest about it. You're caring and generous, and you always treat me as an equal and with respect… like I really matter to you. You've never given up on me, and I know I don't make things easy. But once you decide to do something, you don't give up. It's one of the things I admire about you. Do you know that?"

"Tosh once told me that you have hidden depths. She was right. But then she usually is. I want you to know that I'm glad I've gotten to know you. I'm glad we became friends and that I've been able to see what a good person you are. The time we've had together has been special. It's been good, you and me. We've had fun… we've laughed… we've cried. We've tried to take care of each other. And I hope you know that no matter what happens, I'll always be grateful. I wouldn't change it for the world…"

Ianto's voice broke as he faltered, and he roughly wiped at the tears beginning to stream down his face. Then, gripping Jack's hand in both of his, he moved closer and pulled their joined hands up and against his chest.

"Jack, please wake up," he begged, his voice choked and uneven. "It's time for you to come back. Don't leave, not like this… Please come back…"


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:**

Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to keep reading this story, especially for sticking with it over the last several chapters. Just an update that the final story is now 32 chapters long, so there are still 8 more chapters to go after this one. I'm posting this chapter early as a special thanks to everyone who has so generously reviewed and provided valuable feedback.

Enjoy!

Thanks as always to Prothrombintime, my wonderfully talented and infinitely patient beta.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 24**

He was drifting in the darkness. He had no sensory awareness, no discernable physical presence. There was only a black, endless, infinite nothingness. It was as if only his consciousness existed in this place, stretched out across the abyss. The silence was absolute and utterly terrifying.

He knew that something terrible had happened to him – there were vague flashes of recollection dancing at the very edges of his mind, but always just beyond his reach. No matter how hard he tried to seize hold of them, they continued to elude him. Each time he thought he had an image within his grasp, it shifted and moved out of focus again.

There had been agonising pain, worse than he'd ever before experienced, and then he'd found himself in this void – alone, lost and forsaken, and frightened beyond measure. He wanted to cry out, to howl into the darkness, in the vain hope that someone was out there beyond the void and that they would hear him. He was desperate for someone to find him and help him to escape from this desolate place. But he had no voice, and no matter how hard he tried – using every ounce of strength he possessed – he couldn't produce even the smallest of sounds.

He was dead, he decided, and this was hell. It wasn't the stereotypical fire, brimstone, and endless torment, but something far worse than he ever could have imagined.

He had no sense of time here. What felt like hours or days could have been mere seconds. He had a vague sense of his awareness shifting in and out; of succumbing to sleep and then returning to wakefulness. But there was so little difference between the two states, it was hard to tell. He tried to cling to the idea that this was all just a nightmare… that he was simply asleep in the real world. He desperately wanted to believe that at any moment he would wake up and the nightmare would be over.

He existed in the void of nothingness for what felt like a lifetime. When he thought the last vestiges of his sanity were finally ready to crumble, the darkness began to soften. Dim, unfocused images flickered around him. It was a kaleidoscope of snapshots from his memories, but they were jumbled and didn't make sense. It was how he imagined a movie might be if each individual frame was separated and shown out of sequence. But no matter how confusing and frightening these chaotic images were, it was better than the darkness. Anything was better than that.

The images faded as his awareness slipped away again. This happened repeatedly, but eventually he felt a new sensation. It was far away at first, at the very periphery of his consciousness, but it slowly moved closer: he could feel someone touching him. He would have cried out in relief if he could have. Finally, he could feel some sensation, and he wasn't alone anymore. Someone was out there, beyond the darkness, and they were holding onto his hand. He wasn't sure how he knew this, but he felt strangely certain. He couldn't feel the rest of his body, just his hand. The sensation was strange at first, tenuous and detached, but the touch was soft and warm. It began to sooth his desolate, fractured mind. It was enough to give him a glimmer of hope, and he started to wonder if perhaps he wasn't dead after all.

He tried to focus his thoughts on his newly found hand, pushing outwards with all of his strength, desperately hoping to move it, to communicate his presence to the person out there. Nothing happened. The connection seemed to be one-way. He wanted to scream in frustration, to find a release for his fear and despair. Eventually, exhaustion from the intensity of his efforts overtook him, and he slid reluctantly back into unconsciousness.

Gradually, a greater sense of physical presence returned. It was nebulous at first, vague and undefined, almost intangible. Then he was suddenly choking, his throat painfully filled with something that shouldn't be there. He felt like he was suffocating; his unresponsive lungs unable to draw in enough air. As panic threatened to overwhelm him, he frantically tried to reach up and claw at his mouth, but he couldn't move. He had no choice but to endure this new torture, paralysed and silent. He forced his mind to shift focus back to the hand holding onto his, feeling immeasurably relieved to find it was still there. It felt closer and more solid now. It was anchoring him, reminding him that whatever this was, he wasn't alone.

Time passed. And then there was a voice. It was soft and indistinct, very far away, but it was rich and deep, almost melodic. It was calling to him. He couldn't remember who the voice belonged to, but he was sure that he knew it well. It felt familiar and safe. The gentle murmur began to cocoon and comfort him, and somehow he knew that the voice belonged to someone he loved deeply. It was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

Slowly, the images began to coalesce into recognisable fragments. The fragments were still jumbled, but at least he could now begin to make some sense of them.

Several times he felt a surge of panic when the voice stopped, or the warmth of the hand vanished. He began to hear other voices, ones that he didn't recognise. They faded in and out. But then the warm hand would return, and his anxiety would begin to ease again.

More time passed. The voice gradually became louder and more defined. He could now begin to make out words, although he was struggling to piece them together into sentences he could understand. It seemed that the voice was reassuring him, telling him he was being cared for and that he was safe. It kept saying a name. Jack. That was his name. He hadn't realised until now that he hadn't even known his own name. His name was Jack.

He concentrated on the voice. It had a distinctive accent with beautiful rolling vowels. But it sounded sad and frightened. The underlying tone was weary and despondent. A fresh surge of panic hit him. What if the voice stopped? What if it got tired of staying with him? He didn't think he'd be able to endure the bleak silence again.

His mind drifted for a long while, but then it centred on the image of a tall, dark haired man. This man had often appeared in the images he'd seen in his mind, but he didn't know the man's identity. This man was important to him, but he wasn't sure why.

The voice was pleading with him now. "Jack… " the voice said his name again. "Don't leave," it begged, and he could feel his hand being squeezed. "Please come back…"

Ianto! The voice belonged to Ianto. Jack wanted to cry with relief. Ianto was there and he was waiting for him, calling to him from beyond the darkness.

Ianto… his beautiful, sardonic, broken Welshman.

Flashes of fragmented memories broke through to the surface of his mind: impeccable suits and vibrant coloured shirts – rolling eyes and a perfectly arched eyebrow – kind, sorrowful, blue eyes that gazed into his soul – soft, pink lips and demanding kisses – heavenly coffee and red wine – secret nights in the throes of passion, tucked away from the world – quiet lunches spent staring out over the water – warmth and gentle touches in the darkness – cascading tears of pain and heartbreaking loss – laughter and tentative smiles – sitting huddled together on a sandy, windswept beach – confiding his deepest hopes and fears…

He needed to let Ianto know that he was still here. He needed to get out of this place and gaze upon Ianto's face, trace his fingers over Ianto's smooth cheek, press a tender kiss to those soft, warm lips. He concentrated on his hand, desperately trying to find a pathway in his mind that would grant him control over it. He visualised what his hand looked like and how it appeared when his fingers were entwined with Ianto's.

Then, he tried to squeeze Ianto's hand…

* * *

Jack's hand twitched as Ianto continued to hold it securely within both of his own. The movement was weak and almost indiscernible, but then it happened again, and this time the motion was stronger.

"Jack?" Ianto gasped, staring down at their hands as he blinked away the tears from his eyes. "Jack, can you hear me? Oh, my God, Jack… I felt your hand move."

He lowered his other hand and kept Jack's hand cradled gently in his right hand, their fingers still entwined. "If you can hear me, Jack, squeeze my hand."

A long moment passed as Ianto waited. Then Jack's hand moved again, his fingers curling and pressing against the back of Ianto's hand.

Ianto's face broke into a grin as he reached over and pressed the call button for Jack's nurse.

"Jack," he said again, still clinging to his hand. "You can hear me. You can actually hear me."

Jack's nurse, an attractive blonde haired woman named Rose, entered the room. "Ianto, is everything okay?" she asked kindly.

Ianto looked up at her. "Jack squeezed my hand twice," he said hurriedly. "The second time was after I asked him if he could hear me. Is he waking up?"

"I'll get a doctor," she stated, giving Ianto a reassuring smile. "I'll page Doctor Harper as well," she added. "He asked to be notified when there was any change in Jack's condition."

Ianto nodded. Rose quickly left the room, and he turned his attention to Jack again. "The doctor's are coming to check on you, Jack," he explained quietly. "I'm going to have to let go of your hand for a bit, but I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

A few minutes later, Ianto stood in the far corner of the room and watched with an anxious expression as Jack's doctors checked on his condition. After several more minutes, Owen joined him after consulting with the other doctor's.

"He's starting to come out of it," Owen confirmed quietly. "He's becoming responsive, but it's usually a very gradual process. It could be a while before he's fully conscious. Once he is, we'll know more, and once we're sure he can breathe on his own, we'll extubate him."

Ianto nodded, not taking his gaze away from Jack.

"Just keep doing what you have been, Ianto," Owen continued. "Sit with him and keep reassuring him. When he starts to wake up, he's going to be confused and disoriented. He might not know who you are at first, and it might take a while before he's able to talk." He patted Ianto on the back and smiled. "But it looks like he's past the worst of it now."

* * *

Jack felt his awareness start to slip again as exhaustion from his earlier exertions overtook him. As relieved as he was to have reached out beyond the void, he desperately wanted to open his eyes. He needed to see where he was, to prove that this wasn't just a trick his tortured mind was playing on him. But he couldn't focus. He was too weak, and his thoughts were too chaotic.

There had been voices talking to him, giving him commands and asking him to respond. Realising that this was important, he'd tried as hard as he could to obey them, but the effort had soon become too great. He was tired and so frustrated with being completely helpless. Then, to his immense relief, the voice returned, Ianto's voice, talking to him gently and telling him that everything was going to be all right. His hand felt warm again, and he reluctantly allowed sleep to claim him.

His awareness shifted again. The darkness had receded. There was light now, white and blurry, but it was too bright and it burned his eyes. His body ached; it felt heavy and weak, and he still felt the torturous choking sensation. He tried to lift his right arm, but it was leaden and useless. He had to settle for wriggling his fingers a little instead.

There were strange sounds around him, and an unpleasant, cloying smell. He closed his eyes but opened them again almost immediately, more cautiously this time. Something indistinct swam across his field of vision. He blinked several times and tried to focus. It was a face looking down at him – a strikingly familiar and beautiful face – and it was smiling at him with worried eyes.

"Jack," Ianto said in a gentle tone. "You're safe. Everything is fine. You don't need to worry, okay? Just try to relax."

He found himself wanting to smile back, but his mouth wouldn't move and he couldn't seem to get his voice to work either. He settled for staring back into the wide blue-grey eyes, still blinking as he struggled to maintain his focus on Ianto's face. His eyes were weak and sore from lack of use. His hand was more compliant now, so he squeezed his fingers and held onto Ianto's hand as tightly as he could. But all too soon, his eyelids became heavy, and he fell back into unconsciousness.

He reawakened sometime later. He felt confused and afraid, but at last his throat was clear and he could breathe without any restriction. He could feel his lungs moving rhythmically, greedily pulling in the cool surrounding air. He tried to lift his arm and this time his body didn't betray him. He could only hold it up for the briefest of moments, but it was an improvement and he felt immensely grateful for it.

Moving his eyes slowly, he tried to take in his surroundings. He was in a hospital room, he finally realised. Flashes of memory played in his mind as he began to piece together what had happened to him. He had been driving to London. There had been deafening noise and searing pain. He'd thought he had died and woken up in his own personal hell.

His eyes settled on the man sitting close by his bed, watching him and clinging to his hand.

Jack fought to open his mouth and get his voice to work. "Yan…" he managed to breathe out in a croaked whisper. "Yan-toe…" he mumbled brokenly as he tried again.

He felt his hand being squeezed, and Ianto was leaning forward, looking into his eyes, his lips pressed into a tired smile as thick tears trailed down his face.

"I'm here, Jack," Ianto replied, his voice breaking with emotion. "Everything is going to be okay now."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Jack woke with a start. He looked around in panic as he breathed in deeply. "Ianto?" he called out frantically.

A small hand touched his arm. "Jack, are you all right?" Tosh asked as she looked at him with concern. "It's me… Tosh," she added.

"Toshiko?" Jack said slowly as he focused on her face and then continued to look around in confusion. "Where's Ianto?"

"He's just gone with Owen to get some coffee." She gave him a gentle smile. "He'll be back soon."

Jack relaxed a little. It had been three days since he'd woken from his coma, and after being monitored closely throughout that period, the tube had been removed from his head and his skull sutured back together. Then he'd been moved from the neuro ICU to a regular hospital room. The doctors said he was recovering well so far. But he felt tired all of the time, and it seemed like he was sleeping almost constantly, interrupted by only brief periods of consciousness. They'd told him that this was completely normal, but that hadn't reassured him very much.

Tosh chuckled slightly. "I know I'm a poor substitute for Ianto, but I wanted to see you and check how you're doing. I stopped by the other day, but you were sleeping and we didn't want to disturb you."

Jack looked sheepish. "Sorry. It's good to see you, Tosh. I just… I'm used to Ianto being here when I wake up," he explained.

Tosh nodded and patted his arm. "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts like hell." Jack indicated awkwardly towards the shaved area on the side of his skull. "I'm having trouble remembering things… some of my memories are kind of fuzzy." He looked down despondently. "And my leg is a mess."

"But the doctors say it's going to heal, don't they?" Tosh asked worriedly. "It's just going to take time."

"Yeah," Jack acknowledged with a deep sigh.

"We were all so scared, Jack," Tosh said, her voice breaking. "Everyone at work too. We've all been worried about you." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank God you're going to be okay," she whispered, looking into his eyes.

She looked away and wiped at her face. Smiling again, she turned back and pointed to a large envelope sitting on the bedside table. "It's a get well card from everyone at the office."

"Thanks," Jack said, producing a small smile. "How are things there?"

"We're managing," Tosh replied. "It's not the same without you and Ianto of course, but I'm trying to keep things going until you get back. But don't worry about that. You just need to concentrate on getting well."

"I suppose," Jack conceded distractedly.

"I can't imagine what it was like for you," Tosh began quietly. "I've read some stories… and it, well… it sounds horrible."

"It was," Jack admitted reluctantly. "I can't really describe what it was like… words don't… they don't seem to be enough." He paused as he felt an intense stab of fear. "I get scared when I fall asleep," he added in a hoarse whisper. "I keep thinking that I'll end up back there again."

Tosh looked worried. "It will take time. You've been through something incredibly traumatic. This isn't something you can recover from in a few days."

"I know. I just…" Jack's features twisted with irritation.

"Try to be patient," she urged as she took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You're strong, Jack. You'll get through this. The worst is behind you now."

Jack wasn't sure that he agreed, but he tried to give Tosh a smile.

"Ianto has been amazing," Tosh said warmly, changing the subject. "He barely left your side the whole time. Owen and I had to take turns dragging him away from you to make him eat or get a few hours of sleep."

"He's a good friend," Jack allowed cautiously, uncertain of what else to say.

"He seems to be a lot more than that," Tosh replied. "It's okay, Jack. I know about… well, about the two of you. Gwen does too. And Owen."

Jack eyes widened in surprise. "Ianto… he… he hasn't said anything."

"You've had other things to worry about. Anyway, it doesn't matter to any of us. I was surprised at first. I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed anything. But the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. I can see how good the two of you are together. And if it's what you both want, that's wonderful."

"It's not," Jack muttered.

Tosh frowned. "What do you mean, Jack?"

Jack looked away. "It's not what he wants. He doesn't want to be with me. Not really."

"What do you mean?" Tosh asked again in confusion. "Maybe he's just getting used to the idea of being with you… with a man that is… it must all be a bit confusing for him."

Jack let out a frustrated sigh as he tried to bring his elusive memories into focus. "We had an argument before the… the accident. I can't remember it very well." He sighed again. "But I remember that he said he didn't want to be with me."

"He cares about you, Jack. He cares very deeply. I'm sure of that," Tosh said resolutely. "He was completely devastated when he found out what had happened to you. And I can't imagine anyone being more devoted than he's been. Maybe he just needs time to get used to things." She rubbed his hand and smiled. "I'm sure it will be okay."

"Maybe," Jack mumbled in response.

Tosh gave him another smile. "Have you been able to speak to your mum?"

"Um… yeah. I spoke to her yesterday. Just for a minute or so, to let her know I'm okay. She wants me to go and visit when I'm better."

"That will be nice," Tosh agreed. "She must miss you, being so far away. That's something good to look forward to."

Jack tried to respond, but his eyelids were starting to droop. "I'll let you get some rest," Tosh said quietly as she patted his hand one more time before letting it go.

"If you need anything at all, just tell Ianto or Owen to give me a call. I'll see you again soon." She kissed his cheek once more as his eyes slid closed.

"Bye, Tosh," he murmured before he succumbed to sleep again.

* * *

Several hours later, Jack woke again. He felt disoriented as he looked around with bleary eyes, but awareness slowly returned to him. There was a dull ache at the back of his skull, and he groaned quietly as he gave his head a tentative turn from side to side. He was so tired of being stuck in bed, but he still felt weak and lifeless.

His gaze settled on Ianto who was sitting at his side, watching him with an unreadable expression.

"Hey," he mumbled as he pushed himself up a little and tried to get more comfortable.

"How are you feeling?" Ianto replied, meeting Jack's gaze, his brow furrowed slightly.

"Okay, I suppose," Jack said with a weary sigh. He knew Ianto was only asking out of concern, but he was already getting tired of being asked that particular question.

Ianto nodded distractedly. Jack looked down at his hand, enjoying the comforting sensation of Ianto's thumb idly stroking across the soft skin on his inner wrist.

Ianto followed Jack's gaze, and apparently realising that he was unconsciously holding onto Jack's hand, he quickly pulled his own hand away.

"Sorry," he muttered as he dropped his eyes. "Habit, I guess."

"I don't mind," Jack said quietly, attempting a genuine smile to hide his disappointment at the loss of Ianto's touch. "It's nice."

Ianto didn't respond. Instead, he reached over to the bedside table and picked up a small box that was sitting there. Placing the box in his lap, he opened it carefully and extracted a mobile phone.

"I got you a new phone today," he said, waving the device in his hand and then dropping it gently into Jack's palm. "I've added all our numbers to the address book. Your mum's number is in there too. I've set up your email account on it as well."

Jack looked down at the device in confusion. It felt light in his hand, but it was sleek and had an impressively large screen. It looked expensive. Then he realised that his old phone had been in the car and must have been destroyed. He hadn't thought about that until now.

"Um… thanks," he replied, passing the phone back to Ianto.

Ianto nodded again. "Everything you need for it is in here," he explained as he put the box and phone back on the table.

A thought suddenly occurred to Jack. "What happened to my car?"

Ianto looked at him apologetically. "From what I heard, it was a write-off. I guess it got towed somewhere. It was insured, yeah?"

"Yeah," Jack confirmed.

He'd loved his car, but he couldn't find the energy to be too concerned about it right now. Given his current condition, it wasn't like he'd need a car anytime soon. Even if it hadn't been destroyed, he doubted he would have wanted to get back into it again.

Ianto sank back into his chair and rubbed at his face, closing his eyes briefly before meeting Jack's gaze again.

"You, okay?" Jack asked him, feeling a surge of concern.

Ianto looked exhausted. Jack couldn't help but feel a stab of guilt knowing that he was the cause of Ianto's sleep deprived state.

"I'm fine. Bit tired, that's all," he replied with a small smile.

"I'm sorry," Jack said in little more than a whisper.

"What for?" Ianto asked incredulously.

Jack waved his hand around vaguely. "For putting you through all of this."

"Don't be daft, Jack," Ianto said derisively and rolled his eyes.

Jack looked at Ianto, studying his face carefully for a long moment. "Ianto… when I was in the darkness… I thought I'd never get out. I thought I was trapped there forever. I thought I was in hell…"

He paused and sighed deeply while Ianto looked back at him impassively. Jack could see the anguish in his eyes however. "And then I felt your hand touching mine… and then later, I started to hear your voice. You were calling out to me, comforting me, telling me everything was going to be okay. It was… it was everything to me… it gave me hope when I didn't have any. It gave me something to hold onto."

Jack felt his eyes begin to burn with tears. "You saved me, Ianto. You helped me to hold on to my sanity, and find my way out of the darkness. I'll never forget what you did for me."

Ianto nodded, ducking his head and looking down studiously at his hands. "I couldn't bear the thought of you being alone," he whispered.

Jack blinked to clear his eyes. He felt like there was so much more he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Ianto how he truly felt. It seemed very important for him to do that, but he knew that it wasn't the right time. He didn't want to say anything to cause problems between them, and although some of his memories were hazy, he instinctively knew that neither of them was ready for a deeper conversation. That was going to have to wait until he was back on his feet and their lives had returned to some semblance of normalcy.

They remained silent for several minutes.

"I, um… I have to go back to work tomorrow," Ianto said suddenly, breaking through Jack's introspection. "I've been away for almost two weeks, and Tosh has been looking after things. But it's not fair on her to have to carry the project."

Jack felt his heart sink. He hadn't thought about the possibility of Ianto not being with him. He knew that it was unrealistic, Ianto had put his life on hold to be with Jack, but Jack couldn't help selfishly wishing that Ianto would stay with him. "Oh. Yeah, of course," he muttered.

"I spoke to Gwen earlier," Ianto continued. "She's coming to see you tomorrow. She'll bring some extra clothes and things for you. Owen will check in on you too. And I'll come by after work." He paused. "Then the day after, you'll be off to the rehab place."

Jack felt a wave of panic. He'd been told about being transferred to the rehabilitation facility, but he was having trouble keeping track of the days. Everything in his head felt blurry, and he hadn't realised it would be so soon. "You'll be there with me?" he asked insistently. "When they move me?"

Ianto's eyes widened with an expression of surprise. "I suppose I can be," he said hesitantly.

Jack looked at Ianto imploringly. "I'd like it if you are."

"All right," Ianto agreed, giving him a weak smile.

Jack inwardly sighed with relief. He knew he was being weak and needy, but he felt so fragile right now… so overwhelmed with everything. Ianto's presence was the only thing that was making it all bearable.

"They'll be bringing your dinner soon," Ianto observed. "I should go… I need to get some things done so I'll be ready for work tomorrow." He paused and looked at Jack with concern. "If you need anything…" He gestured at the new phone. "Just give me a call."

"Okay," Jack said, trying to keep his voice neutral. "Thanks."

Ianto stood up tentatively and looked over his shoulder through the doorway to the corridor beyond. Then he leaned closer to Jack and pressed a brief kiss to his cheek. "See you tomorrow," he murmured before turning and quickly walking out of the room.

"Bye, Ianto," Jack said belatedly as he reached up and touched the patch of skin where Ianto had just kissed him.

His heart constricted painfully as he pressed his eyes closed and waited for sleep to consume him once more.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Jack spent the next three weeks undergoing rehabilitation at another hospital as he slowly fought his way back towards the life he'd known before his near fatal accident. There had been a lot of tears, anger, frustration, and despondency along the way, and his injured and thus far useless leg severely limited what he was able to do. He was desperate for the bones to heal and for the cast to be removed, but his doctors had cautioned him that it was going to be a long road until he'd achieve full mobility again.

After the first week, he'd wanted to go home. It had felt like the sterile hospital room was suffocating him, and he'd been utterly miserable. But he eventually came to realise how incredibly lucky he actually had been. After waking from the coma, he had begun to recover rapidly, and his prognosis was good – there would be little or no permanent damage other than possibly some small patches of memory loss. He had periods of confusion and anxiety; he'd sometimes struggle to find the right words when talking, and he continued to sleep a great deal. And his sleep was sometimes plagued with nightmares. But those problems began to recede as he continued treatment. He'd seen and met enough of his fellow patients to know that his situation could have been considerably worse than it was. He'd been given a second chance at life, and he didn't want to waste it.

Ianto continued to visit him regularly. During the week, he'd sit with Jack in the evenings after work, and on the weekends they'd spend at least an afternoon together. Gwen and Tosh visited regularly too. Jack was grateful for the support of his friends, and especially of Ianto's continued devotion. However, things remained unsettled between them, and the ghosts of that last conversation before the accident seemed to loom ominously in the air. Neither of them seemed willing to approach the issue again. The line was drawn firmly in the sand, and their relationship had clearly reverted to its public persona. They were firm friends but nothing more.

Jack felt bereft of the loss of the closeness and deep affection that had developed between them. He'd truly believed that they had a chance for something more. He'd dared to imagine that they could have a future together, and he'd thought that Ianto was beginning to consider that possibility too. He wasn't naïve enough to think it would be easy. It was going to take time and work, but as long as they could be together, he didn't mind about that. He had felt certain that both Ianto and the promise of what they might have together were worth the effort. But while Jack was recovering, and they had no real privacy, there wasn't an opportunity for intimacy between them. Jack felt the loss acutely. It was when they were alone together and hidden from the world that Ianto's walls fell away and their feelings for each other could be acknowledged in actions, if not words.

He was infinitely grateful for his best friend, but he missed his lover with an intensity that surprised him, even though he'd accepted the depth of his feelings. He knew the situation wasn't going to resolve itself, but he had to focus on his recovery and hope that when the time was right, they could figure things out and move forward with their lives. He just had to remain hopeful that they would be moving forward together.

* * *

"Here you go, then," Ianto exclaimed in a cheery voice as he deposited Jack's bags on the floor just inside the door. He waited patiently for Jack to lurch inside before closing the door behind them.

Jack clambered towards the sofa as he battled with his much-despised crutches and lowered himself down gingerly before throwing them to the side with a loud clatter. He sighed dramatically, and then took a moment to gaze fondly around his home.

Ianto remained standing near the door. "Coffee?" he suggested after a few moments of silence.

Jack smiled gratefully. "Please."

Ianto nodded, then picked up the bags and carried them into Jack's bedroom. He proceeded to the kitchen and returned a few minutes later carrying two steaming mugs of coffee.

Passing one of the mugs to Jack, Ianto sat down beside him. Jack inhaled deeply and moaned. "God, I've missed this," he said appreciatively as he took a hesitant sip knowing it was probably too hot.

Ianto smiled and took a small sip of his own drink. "Good to be home?" he asked a few moments later, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Jack sighed as he rested his head against the back of the sofa. "Maybe things can start getting back to normal now."

Then he looked down forlornly at his leg, which was sticking out awkwardly in front of him. "Or maybe not," he groaned with frustration.

Ianto patted his other knee sympathetically. "It's just going to take some time."

Jack nodded and quickly finished off his coffee in several greedy gulps. Struggling to lean forward to put the cup down, Ianto took it from him and placed both of their cups on the table.

Impulsively, Jack grasped Ianto's hand and held it tightly. "There are other things I've missed," he said quietly as he stared into Ianto's surprised eyes.

"Jack, no… we can't… not here…" Ianto protested.

"Please, Ianto," Jack pleaded as he wrapped his hand around the back of the other man's neck and brought their faces close together. They were only a couple of inches apart as Jack paused and waited for permission. "I've missed you," he whispered.

Eventually Ianto relented with a slight nod, and Jack brought their lips together in a hungry, passionate kiss.

Jack moved his hand down to Ianto's waist, pulling his shirt out from where it was tucked into his trousers and snaking his hand inside to caress the warm flesh of Ianto's torso. He felt Ianto tense for a moment, and then he groaned in response as Jack deepened their kiss. "I've missed you so much," he murmured into Ianto's mouth as they finally pulled apart, both breathing heavily.

Ianto looked at Jack's leg with a worried expression. "Jack, I'm not sure if we should…" he broke off hesitantly as he looked back up into Jack's eyes, a frown creasing his forehead. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Jack assured him, as he pulled off his t-shirt and dropped it carelessly onto the floor. He lifted his hand and cradled Ianto's cheek, stroking the skin with gentle reverence. "It's been too long, Ianto. I want you. I want to be inside you."

Ianto stared at him for a long moment without moving, but then nodded slowly and stood up. He quickly undressed and then helped Jack to strip off his solitary shoe and sock, followed by his loose fitting jeans, from which the right leg had been cropped off above the knee. Jack heaved himself up to stretch out along the wide sofa. He oriented his body so his immobile leg could lean against the back and wasn't at risk of dropping to the floor. Then he pulled a cushion down under his head and awkwardly tugged off his underwear.

"Um, sorry, can you…" he waved his hand towards the bedroom. "Right-hand side, top drawer."

A look of indecision flashed over Ianto's face as he glanced towards the bedroom door at the far end of the room, and then looked down at his mostly naked body. He dashed off, returning a moment later with the supplies and putting them on the low table in front of them. He remained standing, looking down the length of Jack's body. "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

Jack let out an exasperated groan. "Come here," he said as he reached for Ianto's hand.

Ianto pulled off his own underwear as Jack stared at him with open admiration. Then he felt a stab of guilt as he noticed Ianto had lost some of the weight he'd put on. To Jack's eyes, he looked too thin. Ianto had proven himself to be adept at taking care of other people, but he seemed to be noticeably lacking when it came to his own welfare.

Ianto carefully positioned himself to rest his upper body on top of Jack, bringing their lips together again in a demanding kiss. Jack returned the kiss eagerly. He wanted to forget about everything and lose himself in the moment. He moaned in pleasure as he was overwhelmed by the sensation of Ianto's body pressing down and rubbing against him. He stared unabashedly at Ianto, desire coursing through him as the Welshman pulled away and quickly took care of preparations. Jack groaned without restraint as Ianto slowly lowered himself down on top of him.

A while later, Jack lay motionless, feeling sated and content. His heart was brimming with affection as he held a slightly breathless Ianto tightly against his side. He pressed a tender kiss to the Welshman's forehead. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'd started to forget how good this is. Us, I mean. Not just the sex either, although that was fantastic…" he broke off uncertainly.

Ianto pulled back and looked at him quizzically. "What is it, Jack?" he asked, apparently detecting the undercurrent in Jack's tone.

Jack shrugged a little and lowered his eyes. "I know I have no right to ask… I know we're not… I just…" he trailed off awkwardly again. "I don't like thinking about you with anyone else," he admitted in an almost inaudible whisper.

He knew he had no claim over Ianto, but the thought that he might have been with someone else, especially another man, made his stomach churn sickeningly. He wanted to think that he was enough for Ianto, that he could satisfy him and give him what he needed, but he hadn't been in a position to do that for some time. And in all honesty, with everything that had happened, he wouldn't have blamed Ianto for seeking out a willing bed partner. It wasn't as if Ianto would have any trouble finding someone, and he now had the experience too. Jack had wondered if Ianto thought about being with other men – if he fantasised about broadening his horizons. And Jack couldn't help but consider that if their roles had been reversed, if he might have succumbed to the temptation. He knew he was being at least a little irrational. Ianto was better than that, and he was fiercely loyal to a fault.

Ianto looked at Jack with surprise. "There hasn't been anyone else, Jack," he said quietly. "I wouldn't do that, not while we're… well…" He waved his hand vaguely. "You know."

"Yeah," Jack agreed, feeling relieved but also a bit hurt. It wasn't quite the declaration he wanted to hear, but it was better than nothing.

Ianto started to pull away. "I should get to work," he mumbled, looking down at his discarded clothing.

"I thought you took the day off," Jack asked with confusion.

"I did," Ianto confirmed. "But there are a few things I want to get done." He reached down to pick up his shirt.

"Stay," Jack said, pulling him back. "It's been too long since we had time alone like this."

Ianto turned back to look at Jack searchingly. "Okay," he finally agreed with a small sigh and then rested down against him again.

Jack wrapped his arm possessively around Ianto's shoulders and adjusted their position until they were facing each other. They kissed languidly for several minutes, their hands stroking lazily over each other's bodies.

Pulling apart, Ianto stared down at Jack and ran his hand gently over the top of Jack's head, teasing the short stands of Jack's regrowing hair though his fingertips. Jack had asked one of his nurses to shave off the rest of his hair as the surgery had left him looking lop-sided. It was slowly growing back, but it would be a long time before it returned to its former glory. He'd always taken great pride in his mop of dark hair, spending countless hours styling it to perfection. It felt like just one more thing that had been stripped away from him since the accident.

He noticed that Ianto was avoiding touching the large U-shaped scar on the side of his skull. His hair wasn't long enough to properly cover it yet. "Does it bother you?" Jack asked anxiously.

"What?" Ianto returned, looking confused.

"My hair."

"No, of course not," Ianto replied with a small smile. "It's kind of nice. Anyway, it'll soon grow back."

"I just thought…" Jack shook his head slightly and felt suddenly embarrassed by his insecurity. Although he tried hard to hide it, his self-confidence had taken a solid battering in recent times.

Ianto quirked an eyebrow. "That I'd go off you because of all this?"

"I suppose," Jack admitted ruefully, feeling somewhat foolish.

Ianto kissed Jack gently. "It doesn't change you," he mumbled as he nestled his face against Jack's chest with a soft sigh.

Jack smiled and with their arms wrapped around each other, he drifted into slumber feeling happier than he had in what seemed like a very long time.

It was several hours later that Jack woke suddenly when he heard a distinctly female voice exclaim, "Oh, God!"

Then he heard a thump followed by a groan of pain. As he came to his senses, he pushed himself up and was startled to see Gwen standing just inside the front door. She was grinning at him with an expression of surprised amusement.

"Oh, God, no," Ianto muttered from the floor as he scurried on hands and knees around to the other side of the sofa, dragging a collection of clothing with him. Jack chuckled as he managed to catch a glimpse of an attractive, naked backside before it disappeared from view.

A moment later, Ianto's head briefly popped up as he scowled at Jack and threw his t-shirt and underwear at him before disappearing again.

"Sorry," Gwen said with a laugh as she continued to stare shamelessly at the scene in front of her.

Jack casually moved his t-shirt to cover himself, not feeling overly concerned, but he didn't think Ianto would appreciate it if he remained spread out on the sofa in his naked splendour. "Always room for one more," he said to Gwen teasingly, not trying to hide his amusement.

Ianto reappeared from behind the sofa, wearing his trousers and buttoning up his shirt as he glared down at Jack with dangerously narrowed eyes. Jack noticed that his face was flushed adorably; the pink tinge extending down his neck and up to the tips of his ears.

"Ianto, hi," Gwen said as she looked at him with a mischievous smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise…"

"Doesn't matter," Ianto said as he quickly pulled on his socks and shoes, and grabbed his jacket and tie. "Er… I should… I should go."

He turned to Jack, giving him another death glare. Jack smiled at him angelically. "Do I get a kiss goodbye?"

"Sod off, Jack," Ianto growled, turning away and moving towards the door. "I'll call you later," he added in a gentler tone a moment later as he looked back at Jack from over his shoulder.

Jack gave him smug grin and a cheeky wave before settling back into the cushions and closing his eyes.

"Ianto, you don't have to leave," Gwen said as she reached out to touch his arm.

"No, I should. I've got some things to do," he replied hastily, giving her a nod and a tight smile. "Um, bye, Gwen."

Gwen smiled. "See you, Ianto."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Jack was sitting in his favourite spot by the window of the small café staring out across the Plass. A light drizzle had set in, and the heavy dark clouds promised the arrival of a greater deluge before long. It was approaching mid-afternoon, and the area was relatively quiet; the lunchtime rush having been and gone. This was the best time to get out of the apartment, he'd discovered. He'd been avoiding any sort of crowded environment, as it was just too difficult with his leg and the cursed crutches.

The last two months had passed with frustrating slowness. His semi-regular trips to the coffee shop had been his main contact with the outside world. Apart from outings with either Ianto or Gwen, the rest of his time had been spent holed up at home or going to the hospital. For the most part, that had suited him just fine. Ianto had kept him supplied with an endless selection of DVD's and books for entertainment, as well as providing regular food deliveries.

As much as Jack appreciated all of Ianto's efforts, he wasn't sure if he could face any more lamb stew or Shepherd's Pie – the two mainstays of Ianto's apparently somewhat limited culinary repertoire. But he couldn't complain that he hadn't been well cared for, and he was deeply grateful. Gwen was still living with him, having refused to consider making plans to move out until Jack had fully recovered.

Two weeks after returning home, he'd attempted to go back to work, initially on a part-time basis while he continued out-patient rehab. But after a few days, he'd realised that he didn't quite fit anymore. The project had moved forward without him, and he'd felt restless and disconnected. His ability to concentrate had been severely diminished as well. He'd been told that it was a likely side-effect of his injuries, and that it should eventually pass. In the end, he'd decided to take indefinite leave with the option to return to work in the New Year if he chose.

Tosh and Ianto had argued with him at length, trying to convince him to stay and saying that they needed him. But he knew his heart wasn't in it anymore, at least for the foreseeable future. Too much had happened, and he wasn't ready to slip back into his former life. He knew the project was in good hands, and that partly assuaged his guilt for abandoning it. What he hadn't told Ianto – or anyone else – was that he seriously doubted he'd be going back. Everything felt different now.

Sipping at his coffee, his thoughts drifted to Ianto as they often did. He'd reached for his phone several times since arriving, wanting to call and ask the younger man to join him for a late lunch, but he'd decided that Ianto was probably buried in work and wouldn't welcome the intrusion. Ianto had reverted to working long hours again, and he'd been rather withdrawn and out of sorts lately. Jack was growing increasingly worried about him.

He wasn't sure where he and Ianto stood. Technically, they were still lovers, and they continued to be close friends. But nothing had been resolved between them and the feeling of emotional distance was still present. What they had was by no means unacceptable, and Jack continued to cherish their time together, but something indefinable had been lost… or he wondered if he had only imagined it to be there in the first place.

He sighed heavily as he hauled himself to his feet and carefully made his way outside to call a taxi. Tomorrow, his cast was finally coming off, and he would then begin working to regain his mobility. He felt excited at the prospect of beginning this final stage of his recovery, but fearful and apprehensive as well of the inevitable changes it would bring.

A week later, Jack and Ianto were relaxing on the sofa in Jack's apartment. They'd just finished eating the Chinese takeaway that Ianto had collected after leaving work. Ianto had been filling Jack in on the latest news at the office as they sipped from their glasses of wine. Jack had been nodding distractedly, not really taking in much of Ianto's chatter as he steeled himself, a knot of anxiety building in his stomach.

After silence had settled between them, he took a moment, and then drew a deep, shaky breath. Putting down his glass, he turned his gaze to the other man's face. "Ianto, look, we need to talk."

Ianto's face fell, and he looked down at his hands. "Oh. Er… right," he mumbled.

Jack rested his hand over Ianto's knee, hoping the gesture would impart some measure of reassurance. "I spoke to my mom today. She really wants me to go and visit, especially after everything that's happened. She wants me to spend Christmas and New Year with her."

He paused for a moment, looking down at his leg that was no longer in a cast. "I've been putting it off because of the hassle of trying to travel with my leg. But I don't have that excuse anymore. And I can go to rehab at a hospital over there to keep working on it… I'm planning to leave next week."

Ianto nodded. "Your mum will love to see you. I know how much she's missed you." He paused briefly. "How long will you be gone?"

"That's the thing…" Jack began as his apprehension intensified. "I'm not sure. I… well, I don't think I want to go back to Torchwood. I'm not needed there anymore."

"That's not true," Ianto argued. "Alex said you can come back whenever you're ready."

"I know," Jack said with a sigh. "I'm just not sure if that's what I want anymore. So much has happened… I'm not ready to just go back to how things were. I can't really explain it. I don't know, maybe I just need some more time."

Ianto nodded again. "So, that's it, then," he said quietly, his tone resigned. "It's okay, Jack. We knew this wouldn't…"

"No!" Jack exclaimed, cutting him off. He grabbed Ianto's hand and held it tightly as Ianto looked up at him with surprise.

"Ianto…" Jack paused and breathed in deeply as he told himself that he could do this… he needed to do this. "Ianto, you must know by now… I love you. I'm _in_ love with you."

Ianto pulled back sharply as if he'd been struck, shaking his head. "Don't, Jack. Please don't," he pleaded, his voice breaking.

Jack felt his heart constrict but he kept hold of Ianto's hand. "Ianto, I want you to come with me. We can spend some time in the States. We can stay at my mom's. It will be like a holiday together. And then we'll come back when you want to."

"Go with you?" Ianto reiterated in a whisper, looking genuinely astonished. "No… no, I can't."

Jack held his gaze. "Why not?"

"We're not… together. You and me, it's not like that." Ianto shook his head again. "Anyway, I can't just drop everything and run away with you."

"You're just making excuses," Jack retorted. "What's keeping you here anyway? Apart from your job?"

"This is my home. It's all I've got." Ianto's voice sounded plaintive, as if he was trying to convince himself.

"You have me now too," Jack insisted as he squeezed Ianto's hand in encouragement. "You know how I feel about you. And I'm pretty damn sure you feel the same way about me. Even if you won't admit it to yourself."

Ianto just shook his head in response, not meeting Jack's eyes.

Jack felt his frustration start to build. "So what was all this?" he demanded, letting go of Ianto's hand. "Just some experiment, you just wanted to try it out with a guy, and you enjoyed it, so you kept stringing me along. Is that it?"

"You bastard!" Ianto hissed, pushing himself away from Jack. "Of course not. Is that what you really think? That I've been using you?"

Jack shook his head and sighed, immediately regretting his words. "No. I didn't mean that." He paused to collect his thoughts. "Ianto, I know you're scared… I know you've been hurt badly before. I know it almost destroyed you. But I'm scared too. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Not like this. But as long as we've got each other, we can get past our fears."

Jack closed his eyes for a moment then he looked back at Ianto. "You're happy when we're together. I've seen it. I want that for you, and I want to be the person who gives you that."

"I can't do it, Jack," Ianto replied, sadness is his voice. "I can't lose myself like that again. And I would… I'd lose myself with you. I'd let myself start to hope again, and then you'd leave me. I can't do that."

"I wouldn't let you lose yourself," Jack countered. "I'd take care of you, even if that means making sure you have your own space at times. Isn't that what we've done almost from the start? We've taken care of each other. And, I would never leave you."

"You can't promise me that," Ianto said, his voice louder and with a hint of contempt. He looked at Jack searchingly. "Did you tell that to John, or Gwen, or how many countless others? How many people have you left behind or made empty promises to? As soon as someone better comes along, you'd forget all about me. I'd be ancient history."

Jack felt like he'd been punched viciously in the stomach. He hadn't expected Ianto to throw his guilt over John back in his face. "That's not fair! How could you of all people use John against me?" he seethed.

"Well, it's true though, isn't it?" Ianto retorted.

"No, it's not! I never made promises to any of those other people." Breathing in deeply, Jack tried to push aside his hurt. "I could never forget you. You're different. We're different." He stopped and shook his head. "We're different, Ianto," he repeated.

But Ianto seemed to be beyond the point of rational thought. "And you lied to me about Gwen," he continued. "I felt guilty thinking that you were cheating on her with me. I berated myself for being too weak to stop this… this thing between us. I couldn't say no to you. What else have you lied to me about? How can I ever trust you?"

Jack cringed inwardly. He'd be waiting for this particular issue to raise its ugly head. "I only did that because I knew you wouldn't be with me if you thought I was available," he started to explain. "I knew as long as you thought Gwen was in the picture, you'd think this… you and me… couldn't be anything serious."

"So, you admit that you deceived me," Ianto said coolly.

"Only because I was scared of losing you," Jack shouted. "What was I meant to do, huh? If I'd have told you at the start that I could want more, that I was in a position to want something more than just some casual fling… I would have lost you before we even had a chance. Almost from our first time together, I knew I wanted more… I wanted more with you."

Ianto looked unconvinced. "You still lied to me. And you knew all along that I didn't want anything serious."

Jack sighed deeply. "For the record, I hated being dishonest with you. But it's the only thing I haven't been entirely upfront about… other than how I feel about you."

Ianto stood up abruptly and backed away several feet, his face etched with fear. "You don't understand what it's like. We've been through all this before, Jack. I can't do that again." He rubbed his hand over his face and looked away. "I never should have let this go so far. But I liked being with you. Maybe you're right… maybe I have led you on."

Jack felt something snap deep inside as a surge of rage consumed him. He was tired of Ianto's excuses. Everything Ianto had said was simply a manifestation of his fears and the hurt that he'd suffered. Jack understood that, but he was scared too. The difference was that he was willing to face his fears and take a chance. Ianto was worth the risk to his heart. But apparently, Ianto didn't see things the same way. He didn't have faith in himself, or in Jack, or in the two of them together. All Jack wanted was for Ianto to be willing to give them a proper chance.

Jack pushed himself to his feet and swayed a little on his weak leg until he found his balance. He could feel himself trembling with anger.

"You know what, Ianto?" he shouted, his face contorted in fury. "You're a real piece of work, but I never thought that you were a coward – until now, that is. You're scared that you might actually find some happiness. You like to wallow in self-pity because you can't get hurt that way." He paused for the final blow as all of his pent up frustration boiled to the surface. "Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life?" he added contemptuously.

Ianto's face froze, and then he glared at Jack with unrestrained malevolence. "You bastard," he snarled. "Fuck you, Jack."

Jack could see Ianto's hands shake as they clenched into fists at his sides. He seemed to be trying to prevent himself from hurling his body at Jack.

"You want to hit me, Ianto?" Jack sneered. "Go on, take your best shot."

Ianto snorted derisively, and his anger seemed to dissipate. "You're not worth the effort," he replied as he took a step back. "Just leave, Jack… run away and let the rest of us get on with our lives."

Jack recoiled as though Ianto had delivered a fierce blow to his jaw. Ianto turned away, grabbed his jacket, and strode out the door, slamming it behind him without looking back.

Jack stood staring at the door for a long moment, not quite able to comprehend what had just happened. Then he collapsed back down onto the sofa, furiously blinking back tears. He picked up the nearest glass and hurled it at the wall. It exploded dramatically on impact with a loud bang and a shower of glass fragments fell across the floor.

"Fuck!" he howled and buried his face in his hands. He felt the tears finally escape and course down his cheeks as a wave of remorse began to temper his anger.

His heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest, and the weight of inconsolable loss wrenched at his soul. "What have I done?" he whispered into the empty room in despair.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

It was three days later when Jack opened his front door and found Ianto standing there before him. Ianto was looking anxious, his features tired and drawn. His feet were shuffling slightly from side to side, and he was clutching the top of a small paper bag tightly in his right hand.

Ianto had phoned Jack earlier and nervously asked if he could stop by. Jack had agreed readily, feeling almost relieved as he'd been thinking about calling the younger man himself. He wanted to clear the air – he was leaving soon and despite his misery over the current situation, he didn't want to depart while things were so fractured between them. As heartbroken as he was, he wanted them to at least part ways on amicable terms. They'd been through too much together to come to an end mired in hurt, anger and regret.

Jack felt utterly despondent. He was mostly angry with himself, and not with Ianto. He'd wanted so desperately to move forward with his life, that he'd pushed too hard. Countless times over the last few days, he'd seriously thought about cancelling his trip and staying in Cardiff, in the hope that with more time, the situation with Ianto could change. But after endless consideration, he'd accepted that the truth of the matter with inescapable. Ianto simply wasn't ready for a relationship, and that didn't seem to be something that was going to change anytime soon. While a small and admittedly irrational part of him wanted to grab hold of Ianto and shake some sense into him, his more rational side couldn't, in all fairness, blame Ianto for his reticence. He couldn't even condemn Ianto for lying or misrepresenting himself.

He recalled Tosh's sadly spoken words so long ago. She'd told him that Ianto loved too much. Ianto's love for Lisa had almost destroyed him. As deeply as it hurt, Jack could understand why Ianto wasn't willing to take that risk again. While Jack was almost certain that Ianto did love him, he had to concede that perhaps Ianto didn't love him enough to take the chance. Or maybe the problem was that Ianto already loved him too much. Jack wasn't sure which possibility was more heartbreaking. Since the outcome was the same either way, it didn't seem to really matter anymore.

Even more painful was the knowledge that Ianto needed him. He feared what was going to happen to Ianto after he was gone, and he was profoundly worried that the Welshman would revert to his previous lifeless existence. The thought of leaving Ianto behind was unbearable, and he once again felt like he was abandoning someone he cared about. Except this time, he was walking away from the person he loved more deeply than he had ever thought was possible. He had come to the astonishing realisation that he was leaving the man who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The sharp and bitter irony of the circumstances was almost prophetically tragic.

"Hey," Jack said quietly, pulling his mind back to the present as he realised he'd been staring at Ianto.

"Hi, Jack," Ianto replied hesitantly.

They continued to stare uneasily at each other, neither of them moving. Several moments passed until finally Jack gave himself a mental shake and stepped back from the doorway. "Sorry… um, come in."

"Thanks," Ianto murmured as he tentatively stepped inside.

Jack closed the door and gestured for Ianto to sit down. Jack gingerly navigated around the packing boxes strewn across the living area. He was still getting used to the cane he was forced to use until he regained the strength in his leg.

He eased himself down onto the sofa, and Ianto joined him. Jack couldn't help but notice the greater than normal distance between them. It was only a matter of a few inches, but at the moment it felt like an unassailable chasm.

"Here," Ianto said as he passed the bag to Jack. He shrugged sheepishly at Jack's questioning gaze. "Didn't seem right to come back empty handed."

Jack took the bag and peeked inside, finding several of his favourite jam donuts. He was surprised to realise a slight chuckle had escaped his lips.

"These remind me of our first meeting at work," he said as he settled the bag down gently on the table in front of them. "I went out and bought all those donuts, hoping they'd help to win you over."

A trace of a smile ghosted over Ianto's lips. "I remember," he said softly as he lowered his eyes.

"I ate so many, I felt sick afterwards." Jack felt his throat tighten as he remembered that fateful day. "I never told you that," he added, smiling wistfully. "You were kind of scary you know."

"I can't imagine you being scared of anyone," Ianto mused, his expression suggesting that he too was lost in thoughts of the past.

"I was scared of you," Jack admitted with another small smile. "You can be quite intimidating when you want to be. I knew you were going to challenge me…" he trailed off with a choked laugh. "And I loved every minute of it," he added in a whisper.

Ianto looked up and met Jack's gaze for a moment before looking back down as his hands clenched tightly together in his lap. They sat in awkward silence for a minute or so.

"Jack, I…" Ianto began hesitantly.

Jack cut him off. "You don't have to say anything, Ianto."

"Please, Jack," Ianto said, looking up at Jack pleadingly.

Jack nodded and leaned back into the cushions. He looked at the other man and tried to keep his face in a neutral expression, not wanting to show the tumult of emotions he was experiencing. Ianto looked utterly miserable. Jack was somewhat mortified to realise that more than anything, he simply wanted to grab hold of Ianto and never let him go.

"I want to apologise," Ianto began in a low voice. "The other day… I was an utter bastard. The way I acted, and the things I said…" Ianto stopped and nervously rubbed his hand over his face, his expression filled with shame and regret. "It was despicable. I know you must hate me, but I want you to know that I didn't mean any of those terrible things I said." He tilted his head and met Jack's gaze. "I'm… I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack reached across and gave Ianto's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's okay, Ianto. We both said things we didn't mean. I'm sorry too," he said regretfully. "And I could never hate you."

Ianto nodded. "Thank you," he replied. "I never wanted to hurt you," he added a moment later. "I need you to know that."

"I know," Jack said gently.

They stared at each other for a moment before Ianto turned away and looked around the room. "You've been busy."

"Yeah. I'm just packing up my personal stuff," Jack explained as he looked at the boxes dolefully. "It's going into storage. Gwen's going to stay here for a while. The rent's paid up until the end of next month. She's going to take a couple of the pieces of furniture when she leaves, and she's getting Rhys and one of his friends to move the rest into storage."

"All sorted, then," Ianto said flatly, still staring at the boxes.

"I guess so," Jack agreed. He looked away as his eyes burned and he rubbed furiously at them while Ianto wasn't looking at him.

"When do you leave?" Ianto asked.

"Day after tomorrow," Jack replied, fighting to keep his emotions under control. "Eight AM flight to Boston."

Ianto nodded, his expression pensive. "Will you stay in touch?"

Jack looked at Ianto in surprise, but he quickly buried the tiny spark of hope that flared within him from Ianto's question. "Do you want me to?" he returned cautiously.

"Of course," Ianto replied quickly. "We're… well, we're still friends, right?" he asked, looking at Jack doubtfully.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "We're friends." He smiled sadly. "I'll let you know once I've arrived and settled in."

"Okay." Ianto looked down at Jack's leg. "Are you all right to get to the airport?"

Jack nodded. "Gwen's going to drive me there."

"That's good," Ianto acknowledged. He stood up slowly, looking awkward and unsure. "Um… I should go."

Jack stood quickly and grabbed at Ianto's hand. He frantically searched for something he could say or do to sway Ianto's decision. "You won't change your mind?" he asked tentatively, knowing in his heart that it was futile, but he had to try one more time.

Ianto looked at him with sadness in his eyes. He shook his head forlornly. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack stared down at their joined hands. "I know you think I don't understand. But I do. I just… I wish things could be different."

Ianto followed his gaze, and then gently pulled his hand away. "When you were unconscious… and I was talking to you… I told you that I was grateful to you for what we had shared. I said that I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I don't know if you heard me then… I want you to know I still feel that way."

Jack tried to force his features into a wan smile. "Hey, me too. I don't have any regrets. I'm so glad I met you. I'll never forget what we've had together."

He stared deeply into Ianto's eyes and moved slightly closer. He reached forward and touched Ianto's arm. "Will you try to do something for me?"

Ianto looked at him uncertainly. "What's that?" he asked after a moment's pause.

"When you're ready, try to find some happiness," Jack said sincerely, his voice breaking. "Don't go back to the way things were before I came along. I want you to be happy, Ianto. Of course, I selfishly wish it could be with me, but if there's someone else out there waiting for you… You could make someone incredibly happy. Don't deprive yourself or that other person of the chance. Just… try to do that for me, okay?"

Ianto looked like he wanted to protest but then he gave Jack a slight nod. "Okay," he agreed.

"And if you ever need anything… if you ever want someone to talk to. Even when I'm on the other side of the world. I'll be there for you. Don't forget that."

Ianto nodded and gave him a weak smile.

Jack couldn't hold back any longer. He surged forward and enveloped Ianto in a tight embrace, just wanting to feel the other man in his arms for one last time. He felt Ianto's arms wrap firmly around him. They stood there for several minutes, each clinging desperately to the other, before Jack finally pulled away. He pressed a soft kiss against Ianto's forehead and then stepped back further.

Jack sighed deeply as he felt his heart constrict. "I'm going to miss you so much, Ianto. More than you know."

"I'll miss you too." A flash of pain passed over Ianto's features as he looked at Jack. "It was good, yeah?" he whispered.

Jack forced a smile to spread across his face. "Yeah."

Ianto was blinking hard, but he smiled back. "Bye, Jack."

"See you, Ianto," Jack managed to croak out around the lump in his throat as he felt his eyes well up again.

Ianto stared at Jack for a long moment. Then, seeming to make a decision, he stepped forward and grasped the back of Jack's neck. He pulled Jack into a deep and lingering kiss. Jack kissed him back fiercely as his emotions finally overwhelmed him, and the tears he'd been fighting to restrain began to stream down his cheeks.

After a minute or so, Ianto pulled away. He gave Jack a nod and a final sad smile as a solitary tear escaped and trailed down his face. Jack watched silently as Ianto quickly opened the door and slipped through. Ianto looked back at Jack one last time, his face a mask of misery, and then he pulled the door closed behind him.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Ianto?"

Ianto looked up suddenly to find Tosh standing in front of him. "Mind if I join you?" she asked, giving him a tentative smile.

Ianto shook his head and gestured at the step next to him. Tosh sat down hesitantly beside him. They were sitting on the large steps at the edge of the Oval Basin. Tosh gazed out across the large expanse, her eyes resting for a moment on the shimmering water tower stretching up into the sky in the distance. She'd seen Jack and Ianto sitting together having lunch at this exact spot on more than one occasion.

She shivered as she turned to look at her friend, and studied him with concern. It was a typically cold and grey day for December, but Ianto appeared to be oblivious. He was staring into the distance, seeming to be lost in thought, his eyes glazed and unfocused.

"How are you, Ianto?" Tosh asked gently.

"I'm fine, Tosh," he answered without looking at her.

"You look like hell," she observed.

"Cheers," he replied sardonically.

"I spoke to Jack last night," she said quietly. "He asked about you."

Ianto turned and looked at her sharply. "What did you say?"

Tosh met his probing gaze. "I told him you're a mess and that you're completely miserable," she replied without hesitation.

A flash of anger passed across Ianto's features. "You shouldn't have said that," he retorted before turning away again.

Tosh shook her head. "I'm not going to lie for you," she said firmly. "He's just worried about you. We all are."

"I'm fine," Ianto reiterated.

Tosh sighed in exasperation and looked at him sadly. "Well, Jack doesn't seem to be. He's heartbroken. And it looks like you are too."

Ianto's shoulders slumped and he stared down at the ground. "He's better off without me," he said eventually, stealing a glance at her before looking off into the distance again. "He'll forget about me soon enough."

"Isn't that for him to decide?" Tosh argued. "You mean the world to him, Ianto. How could he ever forget you?"

Ianto shrugged nonchalantly. "It's over. It was going to happen sooner or later. It's for the best, Tosh."

Silence settled between them. Tosh looked conflicted but after a moment, she reached out and touched Ianto's arm. "Ianto, you can't compare Jack with Lisa."

"What do you mean?" he asked with a frown as he turned to gaze at her.

"I didn't know Lisa very well, and you might hate me for saying this, but I don't think she was right for you. I'm not saying that she didn't love you, I'm sure she did…" She paused for a moment before continuing. "But it just seemed like you were trying so hard to be what you thought she wanted. The times I saw the two of you together, it was obvious that you worshipped her, but it didn't seem like she felt the same way about you…"

Ianto continued to look at her impassively.

"I think that maybe you lost yourself in trying to be perfect for her," she started again hesitantly. "I don't know… if things had been different, maybe you could have built a life together and been very happy, but then maybe it never would have worked out. Perhaps you were clinging to a dream that never could have become a reality."

Ianto remained silent but looked at her doubtfully.

She shrugged slightly. "Sometimes I think we just get so caught up in our dreams, we can't see things for how they really are."

"Maybe," Ianto allowed. "I'm not sure what to think anymore." He shrugged again. "It doesn't matter now."

Tosh continued on undeterred. "But Jack isn't like that," she said insistently. "He wouldn't ever want you to be anything except yourself. I can't imagine him letting you lose yourself like that. And when I think about the two of you together… you just seem to fit. You balance each other out, and bring out the best in each other."

Ianto sighed deeply, but a weak attempt at a smile passed across his lips. "Well, he needed someone to put him in his place."

"He's good for you, Ianto," Tosh pressed. "You've been so much happier since he came into your life. You've been more like how you used to be."

An expression of anguish passed over Ianto's face. "I liked being with him. He always made me feel… I don't know… like I mattered, I suppose. It was nice to feel…" his voice drifted off uncertainly.

"Loved?" Tosh suggested.

Ianto frowned but then he nodded miserably.

Tosh huffed with frustration. "Ianto… just don't make a decision that you'll regret for the rest of your life." She softened her voice. "If there's even a chance, isn't it better to take the risk? At least then you'll know you've tried. You can make peace with that. But never taking the chance… no matter how uncertain or terrifying it is… surely that has to be worse? To always wonder what might have been?"

She paused and looked off into the distance thoughtfully. "I think… well life can be hard enough without being weighed down by regrets that we could have avoided."

"Perhaps," Ianto acknowledged. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opening them again, breathed out unevenly. "I don't know… I seem to lose everyone I care about, Tosh. I couldn't face losing anyone else."

"But now you have lost someone else," Tosh said gently. "Maybe you've lost the one person you couldn't afford to lose." She rested her hand on Ianto's arm again. "Maybe it's time to try to let go of the past and the fear, and break the cycle."

Ianto looked at her thoughtfully but didn't respond.

Tosh leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I hate to see you hurting like this. You deserve to be happy. You've still got a chance, Ianto. Don't throw it away."

Ianto looked at her again with a pained expression, but then seemed to draw into himself as he turned away again.

She stood up with a small sigh and looked down at Ianto once more. "I'll see you back at work," she said before reluctantly walking off and leaving Ianto to his thoughts.

* * *

"You want my advice, mate?" Owen asked as he drank greedily from his pint of beer.

"No," Ianto mumbled in reply as he stared forlornly down into his own glass.

It was early evening. Owen and Ianto were tucked away in their usual corner of their favourite pub. Owen had turned up at the Torchwood offices unannounced and dragged a protesting Ianto out of the building, insisting that they both needed a drink. After speaking with Tosh on the phone the day before, and hearing how concerned she was, Owen was determined to give the Welshman a thorough talking to.

"Yeah, well… tough. You're gonna get it anyway." Owen paused as he gulped down another mouthful of beer. "You're a fucking idiot."

Ianto looked up abruptly and glared at Owen. "Thanks," he said sarcastically before looking back down again.

Owen shrugged unapologetically. "Somebody's gotta tell you the truth. I don't get it, mate. You could be over in Yankee land right now with Jack Flash having the time of your bloody life."

"It's not that simple, Owen," Ianto said with a deep sigh. "You know that. Anyway, you were the one who told me he's a player and not to get attached." He raised an eyebrow at Owen and stared at him defiantly.

Owen managed to look contrite. "Yeah, I know. And I was wrong, okay?"

Ianto looked at Owen with astonishment. "Is the world ending today? I must have missed that on the news this morning."

"Hilarious," Owen retorted. "Even brilliant doctors like me can be wrong sometimes. Doesn't happen often though, so don't get used to it."

Ianto raised his glass to his lips. "What if you weren't wrong about him?"

"You know him better than the rest of us," Owen replied, scrutinising the other man carefully. "What do you think?"

Ianto shrugged. "Dunno."

"Even if he used to be a player, maybe he isn't anymore. We all have to grow up sooner or later." Owen paused. "I've told you how I used to be. But then I met Katie. Maybe, he's like me… he just had to meet the right person."

"And I'm the right person?" Ianto scoffed.

"He seems to think so, mate," Owen answered sincerely. "I talked to him a bit while he was in the hospital. And you were right, he's a good bloke. And the stupid sod is head over heels about you. Even I could see that."

Ianto shook his head. "I never wanted that," he mumbled. "It was never meant to be serious."

"So, is that the problem?" Owen pressed. "You don't feel the same way about him?"

Ianto's expression twisted with pain. "Maybe."

Owen's features softened for an instant, but then he looked hard into the other man's eyes. "Ianto, I'm only gonna tell you this because you're a good mate," he stated emphatically. "You're full of crap."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed, his eyes narrowing.

"You heard me," Owen retorted derisively. "I saw how you were when he was in the coma. We could barely drag you away from his bedside. I saw the way you looked at him, how you talked to him. You're kidding yourself if you think you're not in love with the bastard."

Ianto looked at Owen in horror. Then he shook his head decisively. "Even if I were, what does it matter? I loved Lisa… look how that ended up."

"This isn't about Lisa," Owen said evenly. "It's about Jack."

"That's what Tosh said," Ianto muttered.

"Tosh is a wise woman. You should listen to her." Owen lowered his voice. "Look, mate, you can't go through life comparing everyone you're with to Lisa."

Ianto just looked away and shrugged.

"Well, maybe Jack's not so special after all," Owen continued, his tone turning contemptuous. "Maybe I was right and he's just a smarmy tosser who's good in the sack. You've had your fun. You should be glad to be rid of him."

Ianto froze and glared at Owen darkly. "He's still my friend, Owen," he ground out. "And for the record, he is special. He's probably the best person I've ever known."

Owen held his gaze. "Better than Lisa?"

"Yes," Ianto immediately snapped in reply.

Owen just continued to stare at Ianto, his mouth twisting into a knowing smile.

"Fuck," Ianto whispered, reaching his hand up and rubbing the back of his neck distractedly.

"I told you something else too during our last chat about this," Owen added persistently.

"What's that?" Ianto mumbled, looking somewhat shell-shocked.

"I told you that it's time to move on," Owen replied carefully, but his tone was adamant. "You're stuck, Ianto. You can't see a way forward. What if Jack's the person you need to help you get unstuck?"

Ianto closed his eyes for a long moment. Opening them again, he looked at Owen fearfully. "I'm scared, Owen," he whispered. "I'm bloody terrified."

"I know, mate," Owen said with uncharacteristic gentleness. "But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that means you and Jack are the real deal."

Ianto scrubbed his hand over his face. He was silent for a long time, staring distractedly at his now empty glass. Owen watched him carefully, allowing Ianto time to think. Finally, Ianto broke the silence and looked up at Owen apprehensively. "What if it's too late?" he murmured.

Owen gave him a reassuring smile. "There's only one way to find out."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Ianto stood under the neat porch, shivering slightly in the cool air. His eyes were fixed on the innocuous button next to the imposing door in front of him. His heart pounded violently in his chest, and the sound of rushing blood filled his ears as panic threatened to overwhelm him.

He reached forward and rested an unsteady finger against the small round surface. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply as he tried to subdue his tumultuous emotions. The desire to turn on his heel and run was almost irresistible. All of his deep-seated fears were still present, jagged and twisting, tearing at his soul, taunting him to retreat back into the darkness. But a new more powerful fear pervaded his heart – the fear of enduring a lifelong and unbearable regret.

As he hesitated, the recent conversations with his friends echoed in his mind. He'd been a fool, holding on to a lost dream for so long, clinging to something that was perhaps never meant to be. He'd been so fixated on what he'd lost, and so consumed with grief that he'd never truly considered the possibility before. His blindness had caused him to lose what was likely to be the most precious gift he would ever receive.

Everything he had experienced seemed to converge and narrow into this singular moment. He knew that his next action could forever alter his reality. These next few moments could turn out to be the most critical and defining of his life. This could be the beginning of a new dream… a new life that he never would have imagined.

Amidst the intense fear, there was the sense of excitement, a thrill of anticipation. It was tenuous, but it was slowly building and gathering momentum. He focused on that feeling and used it to help calm his chaotic thoughts. He reminded himself that the time for uncertainty had passed. It was time for him to let go of the pain and loss of the past. It was time to move on.

Opening his eyes, he breathed out slowly and pressed his finger forward. He heard an elegant chime sound within the house, and then there was the sound of an indistinct, but unmistakably familiar voice. Ianto felt his heart constrict in his chest as he fought to regulate his breathing. After a tortuous wait of what could have only been a minute at the most, a lock clicked and the door swung inward.

Jack stood before him. His mouth hung open and an expression of astonishment spread across his face. His eyes were bright and wide as he stared at Ianto, apparently lost for words.

In any other situation, Ianto might have been amused by the fact that he'd managed to render Jack Harkness speechless. Instead, he felt a cold chill course down the length of his spine. He'd been torturing himself about how Jack would react to his unannounced arrival. Frankly, he wouldn't have blamed the other man if he slammed the door in Ianto's face. He knew that he probably deserved far worse.

Ianto gazed appreciatively at Jack's startled features. It hadn't even been three weeks since he'd last seen Jack, and other than his hair being a little longer and almost back to its original length, he hadn't changed a bit. Jack was as gorgeous as ever. It still felt strange to think of another man that way, but he'd never been able to deny the intensity of the attraction he felt for the older man.

He carefully took in the rest of Jack's appearance. Jack was dressed casually in faded jeans, a dark blue t-shirt, and a grey hooded top. His hand rested on the cane at his side. Ianto himself was dressed in dark jeans, a purple button-down shirt with a black t-shirt beneath, and a suit jacket, so he didn't feel too overdressed by comparison. In hindsight, he was glad he'd forgone arriving in a full suit and tie, despite how much Jack might have appreciated the effort.

Jack edged over the threshold and looked at him searchingly as if not quite believing that the man in front of him was real. "Ianto?" he whispered.

"Hi, Jack," Ianto returned with a tentative smile.

Jack continued to stare at him incredulously. "What are you doing here?" he eventually asked, his voice a little stronger.

Ianto drew in a deep breath and summoned his courage. "Well, I was in the neighbourhood, and I was thinking… Maybe…" He paused briefly as he held Jack's questioning stare. "Dinner? A movie?"

A smile tugged at the corners of Jack's mouth, but Ianto could see the mixture of vulnerability and cautious hope in his eyes. "Are you asking me out on a date?" he inquired warily.

"Interested?" Ianto asked, pretending to be nonchalant, but feeling that his heart had stopped beating as he waited with trepidation for Jack's answer.

"Maybe," Jack conceded, looking thoughtful. "Will you let me hold your hand?"

Ianto raised his eyebrow, but then he was grinning as his anxiety began to recede. The underlying significance and seriousness of Jack's question wasn't lost on him. If he wanted a future with Jack, there could be no more hiding. "All right," he agreed evenly.

"And can I choose the restaurant and the movie?" Jack insisted, his voice taking on a hint of playfulness.

Ianto gave a dramatic sigh but he inwardly rejoiced at the familiar banter. "Fine," he grumbled, feigning annoyance.

Jack face broke into a broad grin. "Okay, deal."

Before Ianto could respond, he found himself pulled into a fierce embrace. Jack held him tightly against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around him as Jack's cheek rubbed against his own. Ianto immediately relaxed and curled his arms around Jack, holding on equally tightly. He felt an almost imperceptible sigh of relief pass across his lips as Jack's solid body cocooned and comforted him. It felt so incredibly good to be close to Jack again, and to be surrounded by his warmth. The feeling of contentment was intoxicating. This was exactly where he wanted to be.

"God, I've missed you," Jack murmured several moments later as he pulled back and looked intently into Ianto's eyes.

"Missed you too," Ianto whispered back, his voice catching with emotion.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked with concern. "I've been worried about you."

Ianto nodded. "I'm good."

"Yeah?" Jack pressed insistently.

Ianto looked away for a moment as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He looked back and stared deeply into Jack's intense blue eyes. He smiled without hesitation. "Yeah, Jack. I'm good now."

Jack buried his face between Ianto's neck and shoulder, clinging to him again. "I don't think I can let you go," he said with a slight chuckle as he pulled back again but kept his arms wrapped firmly around the younger man.

Ianto felt his breath catch. He blinked several times and then held Jack's gaze, staring intently into his eyes and hoping that his own eyes conveyed everything that he couldn't find the words to say… all the things he wasn't brave enough to say yet.

He shrugged. "Then don't," he said simply.

Surprise flickered across Jack's features, and he looked down at the small suitcase sitting on the ground near Ianto's feet, accompanied by a rucksack and a garment bag containing the solitary suit that Ianto had brought with him. "How long can you stay?" Jack asked carefully.

"As long as you want me," Ianto replied evenly, hoping his voice didn't betray him.

Jack looked doubtful. "I need to know. What are we talking about here? Days? Weeks?"

"Well, I quit my job," Ianto began. "I can go back if I decide to, but for now, I'm unemployed. I've sublet my flat and put my stuff into storage. My car is locked away in a garage. And I've put the house on the market."

Pausing, Ianto realised he was imbrued with a sense of lightness that he couldn't remember ever feeling before. Suddenly it seemed like anything was possible. Finally, nothing and no one was holding him back. "It's just me and my little suitcase," he finished.

Hope flared in Jack's eyes. "What changed your mind?"

Ianto sighed and drew back a little, shaking his head sadly. "You were right about me, Jack. I've been a coward. I've let fear control my life for too long, and I've made so many mistakes…"

He broke off and dropped his eyes. He looked down at his feet as a fresh knot of anxiety twisted uncomfortably in his stomach. Gathering his resolve he looked back up at Jack. "But more than anything," he whispered. "I don't want to lose you."

He stopped again and took a deep breath as he felt Jack's grip tighten around him. "I know I've hurt you… and I'm not deluded enough to think I can change overnight. I'm going to struggle…" he trailed off again and closed his eyes, finding the words hard to articulate.

"It's okay," Jack assured him softly as Ianto opened his eyes again. Jack was smiling at him warmly. "I'll help you, Ianto. You know that. Whatever you need. Just as long as we can be together." He paused and stared earnestly into Ianto's eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Ianto nodded. "I'm sure. I'm bloody terrified. But, yeah, Jack, I'm sure."

"I'm scared too. But I want this, Ianto." Jack chuckled wryly. "We can be terrified together, okay?"

Ianto felt a deep sense of gratitude for the other man. He doubted that many people would be as forgiving and understanding as Jack continued to be. And suddenly Ianto realised how selfish he had been. Jack was putting his heart on the line every bit as much as he was. "Okay," he confirmed solemnly.

Jack pulled away but kept an arm wrapped around Ianto's waist. "Come on, let's get you inside and out of the cold."

Ianto nodded gratefully. He picked up his case and two bags. They moved through the doorway and into the entrance hall. Jack closed the door behind them, and Ianto stood uncertainly as Jack stared at him intently, his expression still masked with a hint of disbelief. Jack took his luggage and set it down gently against the wall. Then, with a smile, he moved closer and slowly reached his hand up to caress Ianto's cheek.

Ianto closed his eyes and instinctively leaned into the warm touch of Jack's hand. Even after all this time, he still felt awestruck by the way that Jack touched him with such reverential tenderness, as if Ianto was the most precious thing in the world to him. Ianto couldn't quite believe that Jack claimed to be in love with him, despite everything they'd been through together. However, judging by the way Jack was looking at him, his eyes brimming with affection, he couldn't doubt the older man's claim.

"I really want to kiss you now," Jack murmured, still stroking softly.

Ianto opened his eyes in surprise at Jack's uncharacteristically hesitant request. Then he grinned teasingly. "Well I have just travelled over three thousand miles to be with you. All things considered, it's the least you can do."

"Cheeky bastard," Jack retorted fondly.

Ianto rolled his eyes and decided to take the initiative. He wrapped a hand around the back of Jack's neck and pulled him into a slow, deep kiss. He felt Jack's other hand move up to his face, one cradling the base of his neck while the other caressed his jaw. He couldn't help but moan softly into Jack's mouth. It was nothing like the desperate and bruising kiss Ianto had been fantasising about during his long journey, but it was utterly perfect nonetheless.

Eventually they pulled apart, and breathing heavily, they rested their foreheads together, arms held firmly around each other.

"I'm so glad you're here," Jack said quietly. "I love you, Ianto."

"Jack, I…" Ianto began but Jack interrupted him. "You don't have to say anything. Not yet… not until you're ready."

Jack moved his hand to rest over Ianto's heart. Ianto could feel the warmth of Jack's palm seep through the layers of his clothes and into his flesh. He only just managed to stifle a groan of pleasure.

Jack pressed a tender kiss against his lips. "It's okay, Ianto… I know."

Ianto nodded. He knew that Jack understood it was too soon. He reluctantly pulled away from Jack, and looked around the hallway uncertainly. "I thought about booking into a hotel, I wasn't sure if…"

"You're staying here," Jack said firmly, cutting him off. "But there's only the one spare bedroom and it only has one bed, so… we'll have to share." Jack suddenly looked doubtful. "As long as that's okay? If it's too soon..." he broke off uncertainly.

Ianto nearly sighed with relief. He needed to be close to Jack again. He longed for Jack's presence, holding and protecting him in the darkness. He desperately wanted to reclaim the depth of intimacy they had shared so many times and had almost lost. "No, it's definitely okay," he acknowledged with an almost bashful smile.

Jack grinned happily. "Mom is going to be over the moon to meet you. She's going to love having you here to fuss over," he said with a softer smile. "She was disappointed when you didn't arrive with me."

Ianto immediately felt a sharp stab of regret. His thoughts drifted back to the miserable Christmas he'd just spent alone in Cardiff. It had been his third Christmas alone since Lisa. As much as he'd tried to convince himself that it was what he wanted, he had spent the entire time berating himself and missing Jack with frightening intensity. He and Jack had spoken on the phone several times, and each time, he'd wondered if he could hear the same sadness and longing in Jack's voice that he was sure was present in his own.

Almost a year had passed since that first fateful day in Jack's office. He'd been suspicious of Jack's eagerness to befriend him, and then after their first night together, he'd felt even more confused and overwhelmed. He'd never expected Jack to be so considerate, affectionate and attentive.

In hindsight, coming to terms with being physically attracted to another man and embarking on a sexual relationship with Jack had been relatively easy. In the beginning, he'd been able to rationalise it as a simple desire for comfort and companionship. They had both been lonely, and it was supposed to have been casual and uncomplicated. He'd never considered the possibility of falling for another man. He'd tried so hard and for so long to repress his feelings, telling himself over and again that Jack was nothing more than a close friend. He had been deluded and unbelievably naïve.

Ianto pulled himself back to the present as he realised that Jack was looking at him curiously. "I… I'm sorry, Jack," he mumbled, looking away.

"Hey, none of that," Jack said quickly, taking Ianto's hand and entwining their fingers. "I didn't mean it like that. No more doubts and fears, no more apologies or recriminations. We've done enough of all of that." He gave Ianto's hand a reassuring squeeze. "You're here now, that's the only thing that matters. This can be a fresh start for both of us."

It was what Ianto wanted more than anything. He looked down at their joined hands, savouring the strength and warmth of Jack's hand, and not for the first time, wondering how it was possible that they seemed to fit together so well. He wanted a fresh start, and he wanted it with Jack. "I like the sound of that," he said sincerely.

Ianto smiled as he felt a sense of calmness permeate his battered heart. Perhaps everything that he'd been through, all the pain and heartache, had been preparing him for this moment. Maybe this was what he'd been waiting for, maybe this was exactly where he was meant to be. Perhaps he could dare to hope that finally his life was falling into place. He just had to find the courage within himself to truly embrace it.

"Come on." Jack ushered him down the hallway and into a spacious combined kitchen and living area.

Ianto saw a woman sitting in a comfortable looking armchair near a large window. He immediately recognised her as Jack's mother, Ellen Harkness. Jack had shown Ianto a photo of her after he'd returned home from hospital, since Ianto had spoken to her so many times on the phone during Jack's recovery.

She was concentrating on some sort of intricate looking needlework project. She was a small woman, somewhat fragile looking, but with the same piercing blue eyes as Jack, and straight shoulder-length brown hair streaked with grey. Her face was kind and the similarity of her features with Jack's was striking.

Ellen looked up at them. She smiled as a flash of recognition passed over her face when she saw Ianto standing closely beside Jack.

Jack was smiling widely as he held Ianto tightly against his side. "Mom, there's someone very special here I want you to meet…"

Jack turned and met Ianto's eyes for a long moment. Ianto gazed back and hoped that he was projecting the same certainty and depth of love that he could see in Jack's expression. In that single perfect moment, Ianto realised that he was happy. He was with the man he loved, and his future was no longer desolate and lonely. He knew it wouldn't be easy, and there would be difficulties and new trials ahead, but they would face them together.

Still smiling, Jack looked back at his mother as he spoke again.

"This is Ianto."


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note:**

Here's the penultimate chapter. Thanks again to everyone reading the story, and for all the alerts, feedback and encouragement. Enjoy!

Thanks also to my wonderful beta Prothrombintime.

* * *

**Chapter 31**

Jack smiled and slowly sipped from his glass of wine as he watched Ianto and Tosh move gracefully across the dance floor. They held each other close as they twirled around, smiling and chatting happily.

Tosh was radiant in her flowing white wedding gown, her glossy black hair swept up and styled into elegant, softly cascading curls. Jack thought she had never looked more beautiful. But his attention was dominated by Ianto, who was looking as handsome and dashing as ever, suave and confident in his finely tailored charcoal grey suit and pale pink shirt. It was the suit that Jack had bought for him in Italy last month, despite Ianto's protests of it being too much of an extravagance and far too expensive. For Jack, seeing the expression of delight on Ianto's face when he had first tried the suit on, it had been worth every penny.

As the couple turned, Ianto caught Jack's gaze and gave him a mischievous wink. Jack raised his glass and smiled back broadly. Although he hadn't said anything, Jack knew that Ianto had missed Tosh since leaving Cardiff. Jack had missed her too. And since they'd returned, Tosh had been so frantic with final wedding preparations that they hadn't had time to properly catch up. He was happy to see his partner and their friend together again.

Jack's mind began to wander back over the recent past. So much had happened since Ianto had appeared on his mother's doorstep in Boston all those months ago. They'd stayed together at Ellen's for almost a month and a half, sharing the small but comfortable guest room while Jack continued rehabilitation for his leg. After a little initial awkwardness, Ianto and Ellen had become firm friends. She adored Ianto, and had made it clear to Jack that he'd better not do anything to lose him.

Ianto had finalised the sale of the house in Cardiff that he'd bought for Lisa, making a substantial profit in the process. Meanwhile, Ellen had given Jack a considerable sum of money from his late father's investments. Jack had adamantly refused it at first. He'd always been fiercely independent, and the last time he'd accepted money from his parents had been when he was at university. Even then, he had paid it all back with interest. But his mother was nothing if not persistent. She'd insisted that it would be his eventually anyway, and that Jack should enjoy some of it now.

Ianto had seen so little of the world, and there was so much that Jack had wanted to show him and share together. Ianto had required surprisingly little persuasion. So their travels together had begun, and almost six months later, they had finally made their way back to Cardiff, timing their return so they could attend the wedding of Tosh and Tommy.

Their time away had been some of the happiest of Jack's life. After the tortuously slow and painful period of rehabilitation after his accident, his guilt-ridden grief over John's death, and the despair he'd felt when Ianto had rejected him, he had discovered a renewed enthusiasm for life. And with each passing day, he found himself falling that little bit deeper in love, and becoming even more enamoured.

It hadn't been easy though. Ianto continued to struggle with his inability to trust. It sometimes seemed that a part of him was simply waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for his world to come crashing down yet again. And sometimes those fears would bubble to the surface, manifesting in periods of moodiness and withdrawal. On more than one occasion, Jack had found himself alternating between screams and tears of frustration. But he knew that Ianto was working to push past his reticence and to embrace their deepening relationship, and he was grateful for the younger man's efforts.

Nonetheless, he felt like he was often walking a fine and delicate line. On one hand, he wanted to give his all to prove to the Welshman exactly how much he was loved and cherished. He tried his hardest to impress and reassure. On the other hand, he tried not to smother and push for more than Ianto was ready to give. It was a difficult balancing act, fraught with danger, and Jack was only too aware that he didn't always get it right. But he was getting better at it, and Ianto was gradually letting go of the past.

Jack couldn't ask for more than that. And in the end, he had realised that it was simply going to take time for Ianto to truly believe that Jack wasn't going anywhere and that he was in this for the long haul.

"Jack?"

Startled from his thoughts, Jack turned in his seat and broke into a grin. "Gwen, hey."

"May I?" Gwen gestured towards the empty white chair next to Jack.

"Of course." Jack pushed the chair out for Gwen and nudged his own slightly to the side to make room for her.

Gwen collapsed into the chair with a grateful smile. "I didn't have a chance to talk to you earlier. How are you?"

"I'm good, Gwen," Jack replied easily. "Really good."

Gwen looked over to the dance floor at the tall Welshman and catching his eye, grinned and gave him a little wave. "And Ianto?"

"He's doing great," Jack added. "And how about you? I saw Rhys earlier."

"Yeah. It's going well." Gwen paused for a moment and let out a contented sigh. "I know it hasn't really been that long, but I think he's the one."

"That's fantastic, Gwen," Jack enthused. "He's obviously doing something right. You look as lovely as ever." He gave her a cheeky grin. "Maybe we'll be back here soon for another wedding?"

"Maybe," Gwen laughed, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks at the compliment. "We'll just have to wait and see."

Jack reached across and gave Gwen's hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm happy for you Gwen. I really am," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, Jack. And you and Ianto?

"Yeah." Jack turned his head and let his gaze linger on the Welshman. Then he looked back at Gwen and smiled. "We have our moments of course, but we're doing well."

"I'm so happy for you both," Gwen said with a wide smile. "You've both been away a long time."

Jack nodded. "We've been lucky. Between the two of us we were able to afford to keep travelling for a while. Ianto hadn't really been outside of Wales before, so we decided to make the most of it. After everything… well, I think we both needed it."

Pausing, he smiled gently and gave a wistful sigh. "We'd left our jobs at Torchwood, I didn't have the apartment anymore, and Ianto had sublet his flat, so we didn't have anything urgent to come back to."

Gwen nodded. "It all sounds wonderful," she acknowledged. "I'd like to travel more. Rhys and I are going over to Paris next month for a few days. I've never been there before. I can't wait."

"You'll love it," Jack assured her. "We were there just before we came back to Cardiff," he explained, taking a sip of wine from his glass. "I was starting to worry that I wouldn't be able to drag Ianto back here," he added with a chuckle. "And, you should hear him speak in French." He grinned at Gwen salaciously.

Gwen laughed and shook her head fondly. "It's good to see some things never change! So, what are you going to do now? Are you back to stay?"

"Probably," Jack shrugged. "We haven't really decided yet. This is Ianto's home, and it was starting to feel like mine too."

Jack smiled to himself as he considered his words. On their return to Cardiff, they'd moved into Ianto's compact but cosy flat. Ianto had been renting it to Andy while they'd been away, but he'd recently moved out, so the timing had worked out perfectly. Jack had been a little wary at first. Although he and Ianto had been inseparable for six months, they'd never really talked about living together permanently. He'd been worried that Ianto might not have been ready, but his fears had been completely unfounded. He'd hesitantly attempted to broach the subject after dinner on their first night back. Ianto had rolled his eyes, muttered something about idiot boyfriends, and then promptly dragged Jack into the bedroom. The following morning, Jack had discovered that all of his clothes had been unpacked, and neatly stored away in Ianto's wardrobe and drawers, with the space divided equally between the two of them.

It was strange, Jack reflected, to be so unencumbered by possessions. He didn't even own a car anymore; he was currently sharing Ianto's. But none of that seemed to matter, it was just no longer important to him. He hoped that eventually they would settle into a new place that they could truly make their own, but he felt confident that would happen when they were ready.

"We're planning to go back to Boston for Christmas to spend it with my mom," Jack continued, a moment later. "Ianto likes it there, we both do, and he and mom get on really well."

"I think mom wants to adopt him," he added with a wry laugh. "Anyway, maybe after that we'll settle down properly here. Ianto is going to talk to Alex about going back to work on a contract basis in the meantime. I think he misses it. With everything that's happened, neither of us are thinking too long term yet."

"That's understandable," Gwen agreed. "I bet Ianto has your mum wrapped around his little finger," she said with a giggle.

"Without a doubt," Jack grinned. "He can be quite the charmer when he puts his mind to it. Although he does have an unfair advantage with those Welsh vowels of his."

Gwen continued to laugh. "He's good for you, Jack," she said, fixing Jack with a knowing gaze. "I could see that from the first time I met him."

Jack simply nodded in agreement. Gwen had always been surprisingly perceptive, and he wasn't sure how to respond to her frank assessment. Although Gwen had been very understanding, he still felt a little bad for how he'd handled the situation between them.

"And what will you do now?" Gwen asked.

Jack paused thoughtfully. He knew he could still go back to Torchwood, and as much as he'd loved working with Ianto and Tosh, he knew that chapter of his life was over now. He'd spoken to Ianto about it, and while money wasn't an immediate issue, Ianto had vowed to support Jack in whatever he wanted to do. He'd told Jack adamantly that he should pursue something that he really enjoyed.

"Something completely different," Jack replied with certainty. "Maybe photography. I used to dabble in it when I was at university."

Gwen smiled brightly. "That sounds perfect. You should talk to Rhys then," she said encouragingly. "He's always busy and he could help get you started."

"Maybe I will," Jack agreed. He wasn't so sure if that was a good idea, he'd only met Rhys a couple of times, and the Welshman had seemed a bit suspicious of him. But he couldn't deny that Rhys might be able to help him get a foot in the door, and maybe Gwen could put in a good word or two for him.

"So much has changed," Gwen continued, looking suddenly pensive. "I'm just glad it worked out for all of us. We're both lucky aren't we?"

"That we are, Gwen," Jack affirmed as he looked back over at Ianto thoughtfully.

Then he turned back to Gwen. He didn't miss the curious look she was giving him. "So, how about a dance?" he suggested. "For old time's sake."

Gwen smiled and rose from her chair as she took Jack's hand. "I'd like that."

* * *

"Jack keeps staring at you."

Ianto rolled his eyes and let out a put-upon sigh. "It's his favourite hobby. I try to ignore him."

Tosh laughed. "Well, who can blame him!" she exclaimed. "And this suit is gorgeous," she added, tracing her fingers lightly over the sumptuous material covering Ianto's shoulder.

"Jack bought it for me," Ianto stated, smiling softly. "And hey, enough of that, Mrs. Brockless," he admonished. "You're a married woman now."

"I am, aren't I?" Tosh said with a hint of uncertainty. "That's going to take some getting used to."

"You'll be fine," Ianto said with a reassuring smile. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Tommy is a lucky man. He really loves you, Tosh."

"I know," Tosh agreed with conviction. "I love him too. I know it sounds horrible, but when Jack was in hospital and we didn't know if…" she trailed off awkwardly. "Well that was when I knew that I wanted to marry Tommy, and that I didn't want to wait. I suppose we all need a wake-up call sometimes. It was a reminder that life is too precious, and it can all change in an instant."

Ianto looked pained for a moment but then he gave her a gentle smile. "Jack will be pleased that something good came out of it."

"We've got a lot to be thankful for." Tosh lowered her voice a little. "I didn't tell you before, but I was the one who proposed."

Ianto's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yes," Tosh confirmed with a wicked grin. "Tommy wasn't very happy about it at first. He's old fashioned, and he thinks the man has to be the one to propose. But I wore him down eventually… and he finally said yes."

Ianto chuckled in response. "He really didn't stand a chance did he?" he teased.

"Nope," Tosh replied, laughing as well. "Just don't tell anyone," she added. "Well except for Jack of course. Tommy swore me to secrecy, and he'd be mortified if he thought anyone knew."

Ianto smiled knowingly. "Your secret is safe with me, Tosh."

They continued to dance in silence for several moments. As they turned, Tosh's gaze met Jack's as he twirled Gwen around nearby.

"I don't think I've ever seen Jack look so happy," she said, tilting her head up to meet Ianto's eyes. "He loves you so much."

"I know," Ianto acknowledged, his expression unreadable.

"And you?" Tosh asked.

Ianto looked tense for a moment but then his expression cleared. "Yeah," he replied quietly.

They stilled as the song drew to a close. Tosh smiled up at her friend. "That's good," she said as she reached up and pressed a soft kiss to Ianto's cheek.

"When we get back, will you and Jack come over for dinner? I want to hear all about your adventures."

Ianto nodded and smiled. "We'd like that. And I'll make sure Jack's on his best behavior… for Tommy's sake."

"That might be wise. I don't think Tommy quite knows what to make of Jack yet. But it sounds like you've got him well trained already," Tosh suggested astutely.

"It's a work in progress," Ianto confirmed sagely. "Let's just say that there are one or two things that Jack can't live without."

Tosh laughed as Ianto winked and gave her an impish grin.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note:**

Here we go, the final chapter. Hope you enjoy it! Sincere thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this story. And extra special thanks to all the wonderful people who have reviewed and commented along the way. If you haven't had a chance to review yet, I'd love to hear what you think of the completed story.

Thanks also to my fantastic beta Prothrombintime.

* * *

**Chapter 32**

Later that evening, Jack was taking his turn dancing with Tosh when Ianto approached them. "May I… erm…" Ianto cleared his throat and looked nervously at Jack and then Tosh.

They broke apart and Tosh smiled at the Welshman. "Of course, Ianto. He's all yours," she said warmly. "I'd better go and rescue that husband of mine anyway," she added, looking over to where Tommy was dancing awkwardly with her mother.

Tosh leaned in close to Jack and kissed his cheek. Tilting her head, she whispered in his ear, "He's happy, Jack. Thank you."

Then she turned on her heel and hurried off towards Tommy.

Ianto turned towards Jack and gave him a tentative smile. Jack shook his head with fond amusement, and after giving Ianto a moment to change his mind, took the younger man into his arms. They began to move slowly in time to the music, their hands entwined, and holding each other close.

"I've been waiting all night for this," Jack whispered as he pressed his cheek against Ianto's and luxuriated in the feeling of the warm, smooth skin against his own.

"Sorry. I wanted to," Ianto murmured. "It's just…"

"It's okay. You know that if you hadn't been ready, it would have been all right?" Jack reassured him. "Not that I wouldn't have been disappointed, but I would have understood."

"I know." Ianto nuzzled his face against Jack's neck and sighed. "Anyway," he began a moment later, pulling back to meet Jack's eyes. "I could hardly get a look in. You've danced with just about everyone here. Well most of the women anyway…" He grinned. "I don't think Owen was particularly keen."

"Just biding my time," Jack said with a small shrug. "And what can I say? Can't blame a guy for trying."

Ianto rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth tugged upwards. "The expression on his face was rather priceless."

"Tommy and Rhys weren't interested either," Jack moaned. "It's not possible is it? I can't be losing my irresistible charm?" he asked with a pout, looking thoroughly dejected.

"Or maybe Tosh and Gwen just warned them about you," Ianto suggested teasingly. "Anyway, you're not nearly as irresistible as you think you are."

"You think I'm irresistible," Jack declared smugly.

"Yes, well… you've had plenty of time to wear me down," Ianto retorted.

Jack growled good-naturedly and then grinned. "So, you don't deny it then," he said confidently.

Ianto rolled his eyes again. "Arrogant git," he mumbled, pressing himself closer to Jack.

They continued to dance for several minutes. Jack had his eyes closed, losing himself in the sensation of having the man he loved pressed up against him. He knew that it was a big step for the Ianto to dance with him in public, and his heart swelled with pride and affection.

Ianto eventually broke the silence. "Is your leg all right?"

"It's fine, Ianto. It's a bit sore, but I know my limits."

"I just worry that you might be over doing things," Ianto said, his voice wavering slightly.

Jack squeezed his hand to reassure him and rested their joined hands against his chest. "You don't need to worry. If I have any problems, I'll let you know. You know that."

Ianto nodded but didn't meet Jack's eyes. They continued to dance. Jack knew they were being watched by many of the wedding guests, most looking at them with fondness or envy, but a few with disapproval. He didn't care but he just hoped that Ianto didn't either.

"You're getting better. You've been practicing," Ianto observed a few moments later.

"Well I did have a very good teacher," Jack teased. "Gorgeous too. I couldn't keep my hands off him."

"Hmm. Should I be jealous?"

"Nah," Jack said breezily. "He was a bit too full of himself. And he was very demanding. He kept telling me off when I tried to lead."

Ianto shook his head sadly. "Poor bloke. He must have had the patience of a saint."

"I'm not sure 'saint' is a word I would associate with him," Jack said with a laugh. "He's quite a cheeky young devil." Jack lowered his voice conspiratorially. "And he's a tiger in the bedroom."

Ianto snorted. "Daft bugger. I didn't think it was possible, but your lines are actually getting worse."

Jack grinned unrepentantly. "But we had fun didn't we?"

Ianto's eyes glazed over for a moment. "Oh, yeah," he whispered.

"And I could really use some more lessons," Jack suggested.

"I think that can be arranged," Ianto replied seriously, his voice low and sending a shiver of desire surging through Jack.

Jack decided he'd better end that train of thought before he was forced to do something that might mortify the Welshman. "I'm glad we came back for this."

Ianto pulled back slightly and looked at Jack, his eyes bright. "Me too."

* * *

Jack walked briskly across the outside terrace, tugging Ianto along with him by his hand. The evening was clear and still, and not as cold as Jack had expected. He carefully negotiated the steps leading down to the gardens and then continued across the lawns.

"Jack, where are we going?" Ianto grumbled.

"Just a little spot I found earlier. We're almost there."

"Tosh and Tommy will be leaving soon. We can't miss seeing them off." Ianto stopped abruptly, looking annoyed.

Jack came to a halt and turned around. "We won't," he assured the younger man. "I told Tosh that we're just going for a stroll for a few minutes. She said to take our time and they'll be here for at least another half hour."

Ianto huffed but continued to allow Jack to lead him forward.

Moments later they reached a small gazebo at the end of the gardens. They walked around it and Jack stopped abruptly at the other side, Ianto stopping beside him. Before them, the ground gently rolled away and in the far distance, the lights of Cardiff blazed across the landscape. Above them, the full moon shone brightly, casting a silvery glow over the area, while stars filled the almost cloudless sky.

"This is the spot," Jack said. He turned and reached into the gazebo, extracting a large folded blanket. He laid it out on the grass beneath them as Ianto stared at him quizzically. Jack promptly sat down, pulling Ianto down to sit beside him.

"It's beautiful," Ianto whispered as he gazed out appreciatively.

Jack smiled. "I thought you'd like it."

He rose to his knees and reached back to the edge of the gazebo again. Carefully picking up two glasses and a half-size wine bottle that were hidden from view, he sat back down and passed a glass to Ianto.

"Champagne?" he asked with a cheeky grin as he deftly removed the wrapping and popped the cork.

Ianto's mouth dropped open. "How did…" he began.

"I gave one of the waiters a tip earlier and asked him to bring these down here for us," Jack explained. "It was all organised. I just had to tell him when. I did it when you weren't looking."

Ianto shook his head in disbelief, apparently lost for words. Feeling pleased that his gesture had left the Welshman speechless, Jack filled their glasses and settled the bottle down next to them. Moving closer, he wrapped his arm around Ianto's waist, leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Ianto's mouth. Ianto smiled in response, briefly meeting Jack's eyes with his own.

Sipping their drinks, they gazed out at the vista before them.

Several minutes later, Jack placed his empty glass on the ground beside him and captured Ianto's left hand in his own.

"Ianto?" Jack squeezed their hands together slightly to get Ianto's attention as he idly rubbed his thumb over the back of Ianto's hand.

"Hmm?" Ianto returned as he continued to look out across the skyline.

"Is this what you want?" Jack began. "Something like this… a big formal event, lots of people, food and flowers, speeches and dancing?"

"Sorry?" Ianto murmured distractedly.

Jack gave him a nudge with his shoulder. "You know. When we get hitched."

"What?" Ianto spluttered. He turned to look at Jack, his expression filled with shock and disbelief.

Jack smiled. "When we get married. Is this the sort of thing that you want?"

"Jack, we're not… I mean, we can't… we're men… and two men don't…" Ianto stammered, shaking his head violently.

Jack continued to smile, amused by Ianto's histrionics. "Ever heard of a civil partnership? Ring any bells?"

"Of course I have. But I don't… I mean, I didn't think you'd… that we…" Ianto tried again, but he gave up and clamped his mouth shut.

"Have I ever told you how adorable you are when you're incoherent?" Jack teased.

"Probably," Ianto retorted sharply. "And don't change the subject."

"Fine. I just thought… you know… that we could make it official. You and me. I thought that maybe you'd want that – a proper commitment," Jack explained.

Ianto looked away and shrugged. "I suppose I've never thought about it."

"But it's what you wanted once," Jack insisted. "You told me you dreamed about being married."

"That was a long time ago," Ianto said as he looked off into the distance again. "Everything is different now." He shrugged again. "I'm not that person anymore."

"So, you don't want it? Or, it's too soon?" Jack asked evenly. "Or, is it that you just don't want it with me?" he added more quietly.

"No, it's not that." Ianto shook his head again. "Of course it's not. But we've never talked about this before."

"We're talking about it now," Jack urged.

"Obviously," Ianto said with a sigh. He turned back to Jack and looked at him searchingly. "You're not just saying this because you think it's what I want?"

"No," Jack said vehemently. "I mean, I do think that it's what you ultimately want. That it's what you need. But I want this for _us_. For you, _and_ for me. I don't want anyone to doubt what we are and that you're mine."

Ianto's expression turned thoughtful. "And are you mine?" he asked in a whisper.

Jack sighed deeply. Ianto was surely one of the most frustrating people he had ever known. But he clamped down on his annoyance and raised his hand, stroking his fingertips gently down the side of Ianto's face and along his jaw.

"I've been yours for a long time now," he said matter-of-factly. "It's just taking you a while to believe it." He paused and looked at Ianto earnestly. "I want this for me too. I can't imagine my life without you, Ianto. I don't want to try to imagine it."

Ianto closed his eyes briefly and then looked back at Jack. "I'm not going anywhere, Jack. You know that, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I just… I like the idea of it being official. I know that probably seems ridiculous and old-fashioned, and I know we don't need a piece of paper to prove what we have…" he broke off awkwardly.

Ianto stared at him for a long moment. Then he ducked his head and mumbled, "Well, you haven't actually proposed yet…"

Jack took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes…" he said, his voice barely a whisper.

He gently cradled Ianto's chin in his hand and turned Ianto's head until he was looking into his eyes again. Then he took Ianto's hand in his own and held it tightly. Ianto's eyes were wide as he looked at Jack apprehensively.

"Ianto… you're stubborn and pedantic, and you can be a grumpy bastard. You're also prickly and difficult, and sometimes you're a royal pain in the ass. There are times you drive me to total distraction."

Ianto gasped and glared at Jack, his mouth opening to retaliate. But Jack just smiled and pressed his finger against Ianto's lips to silence him.

"And I love you more than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way about someone until you came along. I never knew what love was, what being in love really felt like. But I do now and I never want to let you go."

Jack paused, suddenly feeling anxious. "And I know it won't be easy. We'll fight and we'll make each other crazy, and at some point maybe one or both of us will want to call it quits. I know there are no guarantees, but after everything we've been through, we know how lucky we are to have each other."

"Ianto, I've never wanted anything as much as I want this. I've never been more sure about anything. I want a lifetime with you. And I could be wrong, but I think you might want that too."

Jack paused again and gazed deeply into Ianto's eyes. He took another deep breath. "So, what do you say Ianto Jones… will you marry me?"

Silence hung thickly in the air between them. Ianto stared at Jack with a look of utter astonishment.

"You've been rehearsing that," he said eventually.

"Maybe," Jack admitted sheepishly.

"Jack, are you sure this is what you really want?" Ianto asked firmly, his eyes scanning Jack's face, searching for any hint of doubt.

"Yes." Jack's voice was steady.

Ianto gazed at Jack with affection and a hint of bemusement. No, it wasn't affection, Jack realised, his breath catching suddenly. Ianto's eyes were filled with love. But he needed an answer.

"I'm getting nervous here, Ianto," he said, his voice starting to break. "Look, if it's too soon…"

It was Ianto's turn to press a finger to Jack's lips, and Jack stopped speaking. He looked at Ianto expectantly. His heart was pounding in his chest so hard that he wasn't sure if it would handle the strain.

Ianto leaned forward and placed a tender, lingering kiss to Jack's lips. Pulling back, Ianto smiled. "Yeah, all right. But you're buying me a ring."

Jack started to breathe again. "Okay," he agreed with a dopey grin. "But only if I can choose where we go for our honeymoon."

Ianto grinned back. "Deal."

"We can go shopping tomorrow if you like," Jack said.

He decided not to mention that he'd planned for them to do precisely that anyway, and that he'd already picked out what he thought were the perfect rings. But he wanted the final decision to be one they made together.

"Okay," Ianto agreed.

Jack pulled Ianto into a tight hug. Then he looked at Ianto mischievously. "So, I was thinking that Ianto Harkness has a nice sound to it."

Ianto scowled. "Why not Jack Jones?" he countered.

"Seriously?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Okay, maybe not," Ianto conceded.

"Ianto and Jack Harkness-Jones?" Jack suggested hopefully.

"And why not Jones-Harkness?" Ianto demanded.

"Because it sounds better the other way," Jack argued. "Plus, I proposed to you, so I get dibs." He added sagely, "It's the rule."

"Fine," Ianto grumbled but a warm smile played across his lips.

Jack leaned in closer and kissed Ianto deeply. "Did I mention how much I love you?"

As Ianto stared into Jack's eyes, he felt the last remnants of his doubts begin to ease and fade into the darkness. Jack was right – there was a part of him that needed this, as hard as that was to admit. The fact that Jack also wanted a tangible sense of security and permanence made Ianto's own deeply buried desire seem less unsettling. There were no guarantees, but Jack was more than worth the risk. Being with Jack, Ianto had found the happiness and meaning that he had never expected to experience again. He was ready to take the chance.

Ianto returned Jack's kiss with equal enthusiasm. Then he replied.

"I love you too, Jack."


End file.
